ok so last night was a fairly typical 'bad' night, behavior-wise, complete with kaos demanding money from dh, to declarations of no bed-time, and also making it clear to dh what household chores he will not do, and then some - all of course at full volume.

i stayed out of it and dh handled things.

g-ma got him a box fan for his bedroom which sounds like a jet engine. a few times i had asked lurch to close the door, which he did without any issue - he knows it's loud as crap.

it's dark outside, dh hits the sack early after crap had calmed down, the boys are occupying themselves and i'm watching tv. lurch gets up to jump in the shower before bed and closes the bedroom door behind him.

then kaos goes APE$#!T. "LEAVE IT OPEEEEEEN!!!!" they went back and forth and back and forth, i just sat on the couch w/ my mouth shut. lurch never yelled, but kaos sure as phuc did. lurch stayed fairly calm adn told him things like dude u're gonna have to grow up, tuff's not being rude or anything to you, u know the fan's loud and she's just trying to watch tv, be considerate, u'll have to figure out that everything does *not* revolve around what *you* want. he even said that they had talked about how everyone's gonna have to contribute their part for a happy family life at home.

that last comment made me smile - briefly. it was then that kaos proceeded to make it quite clear that no matter what he would not contribute his part for that, no way no how.

at that point dh came out and shut him down fast. things stayed quiet the rest of the night. about 15-20 mins or so after dh put the kibosh on that, i texted lurch and told him how well he handled himself and how proud i am of the young man he's become. what a surprise when he answered me (i didnt know he was still awake and figured he'd get the txt in the a.m.) and said "thanks. he just needs to learn to not get so defensive and just listen sometimes!"

hmmm. two kids, same genetics, same environment. yet so vastly different!