Why does my mother treat me like sh*T? Please tell me if I am in the wrong???
Ok, my mother and I have a decent mother/daughter realationship, but there is sometimes I think she likes to use me as a whipping post for her own misery.
My husband and I have been invited to a friends surprise birthday party. It is in the same town my mother lives in and she is friends with the person who is having the party.
Please understand that my mother bitches and complains about something all the time. She is really a miserable person. I love her, but have come to grips with that.
Well, we had asked her like 2 months ago if my husband and I could stay with her after the party and she was more than happy to let us. She would get to spend time with the grandbaby.
Now, This is our tex covo: she just got through texting me asking why she did not get invited to the party? She had been friends with the people longer than we have? Then she went on a spill of how much she hated her town and people are two faced and she was ready to get the hell out?
I pretty much texted her back with Whatever you say, mother? I dont want to add fuel to her fire.
But, now I dont even think I want to spend the night over there. She has totally ruined it and it hasnt even happend yet.
I know why she didnt get invited because no one wants to hear how miserable she is, but if I were to tell her that then she would go on a rampage.
I really think she loves taking stuff out on me.
How can someone be so miserable?
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Some people are just
Some people are just miserable because they like being miserable. They don't see that they're responsible for their own happiness and blame the rest of the world. Its a self-fulfilling prophesy becasue they're often paranoid about other people and they are so self-involved that people start to stay away from them.
My mother is the same way. I could have written your blog. The entire world has a conspiracy against my mother and God forbid you try to be rational - if you do then you're on THEIR (who ever THEY are) side and after all she's done for you.....My mom tends to spend all the time we (or my brother or anyone) are visiting complaining that we don't visit enough. Why would we come more often just to be bitched at?
Wow-- so there are others out
Wow-- so there are others out there in my boat. It really wears on me and my marriage. I love my mother and do respect her. She was a great mother, but the older she gets it seems like to more resentment she has about her life.
I honestly can say I cringe at the thought of being in a group with her becasue I am afraid of what negative will come out of her mouth!
It's exhausting. My mother is
It's exhausting. My mother is not so great. She lost an infant back in the 60s and my brothers and I (all born after that loss) have paid for it all our lives.
Someone posted on here a while back about "accusatory suffering". Its where people refuse to be happy because it will let the "wrong doers" off the hook. Sometimes the rest of us don't even know who the "wrong doers" are. I think they just think if they let go of their misery people won't notice them at all, when really the opposite is true.
This. My older sisters were
This. My older sisters were "kidnapped" by their dad way before I was born and that was the reason I wasn't allowed to go annnnyyyywhere without her. Turns out, she had left them with her sister and partied so their dad went to court and got legal custody. I am so socially retarded as a result of never leaving the house
I feel your pain. This is a
I feel your pain. This is a new problem for me. DH just moved his 83 year old grandmother in with us. I am ready to KILL HER!
Yesterday, DH gave her a mothers day card. As soon as he handed it to her she said "Why did you spend your money on this?" DH took it back and said, "If you don't want it, I will return it." She got pissed and took it back. Barely thanked him for it.
I took her to a doctors appointment on Saturday, as we are leaving she tells me she is old, she doesn't want to see anymore doctors, and she wishes she was dead. She says that ALL THE TIME. We are getting to the point where we are handing her sharp objects and telling her to get it over with. It has only been a month. The doctors say she is healthy, nothing wrong with her except the "pain" she claims she is in.
She is miserable and you know the saying "Misery loves company."
We must all be sisters
We must all be sisters
Wow--my mothers mother is the
Wow--my mothers mother is the same way and this is another thing my mother complains about. I tell her to get her even madder that she asks just like her mother.
I hope becasue I see how both of them act I WILL NOT Fall into their foot steps!
I would text her : I am sorry
I would text her : I am sorry this is a bad time for you. We will make other arrangements. I hope you feel better soon.
Then find somewhere else to stay and someone else to babysit. It is like disengaging. You don't allow yourself to get sucked into her vortex of misery by expressing empathy and offering a solution so she is not put-upon. If this was your s/child you would walk away and not re-engage until they have an attitude change.
My sister tries to get into chat-fights wth me. The last one was about the fact she is a new grandmother and I am 5 yrs into this gig. SHE wanted her time to shine in the family because SHE has a grandchild. Petty and stupid if you ask me! I just told her that all grandchildren are our favourites but it is because we are biased that way and refused to discuss the matter further.
Just remember "STEP AWAY FROM THE VORTEX!"
What is it with sisters? My
What is it with sisters? My sister (older than me) tried to turn everything into a competition. She turned getting married into a competition. Then, I eloped (went to the court house and only told a few people) and she was SUPER PISSED. Hasn't talked to me since then. Never even said congratulations or anything of the sort.
I don't get it. Life isn't a competition and life is too short to try and one up everyone around you.
You are so right. She is just
You are so right. She is just wanting me to join her pitty party and I cant do it. If i let her she would bring me down. Here was an opportunity for her to spend some quality time with her grandchild. She just doesnt see things the same way.
I do feel bad that she did not get an invite, but its not my fault!