I just want to cry!
I know that most of the time I get on this website I complain about my stepkids...well to be honest that is the reason I joined. Because I cant talk to my husband about it because he thinks they are angels. I had a run in last night with my step daugther and I if I had high blood pressure I think I would have had it last night and this morning.
With school just starting back in session I wanted to get things off to a productive start. So, I made a list of tasks my sd needs to complete every night. My sd is 12 so I know she is capable of completing these. Here is the list:
1.) Shower (obvious)hello you need to be clean
2.) Brush teeth (suppose to do this anyway)
3.) GEt items ready for school the next day and put by bed
4.) Before bed clean room up...nothing should be on floor.
5.) Put laptop up at night and do not leave in floor
6.) Morning-Pick pillows up off floor and pull covers over bed.
7.) Turn tv off
I informed her yesterday that with school starting we are going to start doing the list on the fridge every night. She needed to read it and if there are any questions to ask me because she needed to start doing them. She said ok. I saw her read list.
Ok I get up this morning she and her dad have already left. Her bed had not been touched and the computer was laying in the floor. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Its not that I a clean freak, the problem is because we dont ask her to do nothing and when we do....this is what happens. She is a spoiled brat. Her father asks her instead of tell her. He is so afraid of her or afraid she wont come back over is she gets mad. THIS IS BULL CRAP!
Tonight, without her fathers permission, I am going to ask her why she did not do what she is told and to consider this a warning. The next time the computer is left out it will be put up for a few days.
WHY CANT SHE GET IT!
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I have the exact same issues
I have the exact same issues with my sd10. It is kinda comforting to know that other peoples step kids don't care if their clean too. I have strict rules about brushing her teeth. If she misses a day of brushing she doesn't get any sweets or soda for 2 days. It doesn't make a damn difference anyways because she doesn't do shit at her moms house.
I think you just need to stand your ground on your rules and eventually your husband will realize that it is helping his daughter. My husband pretty much backs me up on everything concerning his daughter.
Yeah A. Deville! You know my
Yeah A. Deville! You know my husband doesnt even make her take showers or brush her teeth! Of course, I asked him one day why? He looked me in the eye and said...I dont like to hear her complain! Her mom is the same way.
Grow some balls people! As a parent, dont you have the right to say, GET IN SHOWER! NO BACK TALKING OR COMPLAINING...JUST DO IT! Thats what my mom said to me. I think I turned out responsible and that is all i want for her. Its going to be a rude awaking in a few years...gues thats when I can set back laugh and say I told ya so! THank god shes not mine! (I know that is mean, but Im to the point of feeling that way!)
my skids don't do shit
my skids don't do shit either, i have almost given up..... once in a while when i do ask them to pick up their stuff and tidy up their room and they don't i just go in after they leave and throw everything not put up away.....
they do both take a bath for like 45 minutes each, that drives me batty... after about 20 minutes i knock on the door and remind them to conserve water...
seems like the flushing the toilet has gotten better this past week..
oh yes, thank god neither skid is mine... i would be super embarrassed if i produced such losers.... maybe one day they will get better, but at the pace they are going i have little hope.
I have been doing a lot of
I have been doing a lot of thinking about this very situation lately. And I am wondering why we do it? It was like a slow slide into hell. First as a favor, I'd pick the kids up for him every once in awhile, then he had to leave early, 'would I get the kids up for school and out the door' and so on and so forth. No I am standing here wondering how I got bamboozled into raising 2 more kids. How did this happen? My husband knew I didn't want to raise his kids, I said I'd be the 'support team' but here I am, I am the whole team. I do everything, and I mean everything. Now he dosen't have to shop for them, make sure that they brush their teeth, shower, eat, get to sports activities, sign them up for camps, take them to the Dr's, etc etc.
I definetely see what's in for him, life is just like he wants it, he dosen't have to deal with or parent his own children, he dosen't have to deal with the frustration or work that it takes to raise a child.
Exactley what are we getting out of this? Skids that will never thank us, no matter what we do, the bio parents get credit for...okay well once a blue moon you get a skid that 'gets' it and is grateful. I unfortunately don't have those 'blue moon' skids.
Wow. It's mind boggeling.
Ha, well I forgot to give you
Ha, well I forgot to give you advice, I got lost in my own thoughts. Let him do it, I mean you are trying to do him a favor right? Dosent sound like he's suppportive or appreciative. So if SD dosen't clean room, well she has a dirty room. SD's laptop gets stepped on cause it's on the floor? Guess she's out of a laptop.
GOOD IDEA!!! I will do this
GOOD IDEA!!! I will do this tonight and update ya tomorrow!!!
I see your point and I so
I see your point and I so wish I could do this. If I didnt say something or try to there is no telling what my house would look like. I had to stop her from eating in her bedroom because she would leave the uneaten food under her bed or the emty coke bottle on her night stand for days or weeks at at time.
I am preggo and am expecting my first child in Febuary. My child will not be raised like this. My child will have responsiblities and I will not let the sd get the best of me.
Please know my husband is a great guy...he is just so scared he is going to make his bd mad. This is the oNLY thing that we ever fight about!
I would take the computer.
I would take the computer. Obviously she isn't mature enough to have her own computer. Maybe in a few days she can demonstrate that maturity and have her computer back.
That's how I parent. Logical consequences. No anger. Just consistent and logical consequences.
We need to talk!!! I just
We need to talk!!! I just found out I was pregante and he told me to my face that he hopes its not a girl cause he doesnt want his other daughter to feel different. Thats his baby. This hurt me so bad.
I think to some degree it is
I think to some degree it is that way with all kids. I have to ride my kids butts to get them to do stuff (although my girls are good on hygiene). My son will take showers, but dislikes brudhing his teeth. ALOT. I have to constantly ride him and refuse to allow him out of the house if his teeth arent brushed. Occassionally he slips by me. Now ss I just dont worry about. DH is ncp, but for many years he was cp and I used to ride ss all the time about his hygiene. Consequently he was always showered and had his teeth brushed (mostly). On his extended stays-sometimes for 10 days-he will not brush his teeth at all. My dh never even seems to think to tell him unless I am telling my son then he will tell his. SS doesnt shower at our house although he wets the bed nightly. I have tried hard to enforce that he at least clean up his urine off the futon and put his wet clothes in the laundry room. It smells up MY house. Although when I first started enforcing it my dh thought I was being mean to ss-picking on him. Well, duh he is the only one that wets the bed nightly and refuses to clean up after himself. He's 12 by the way.
What a wonderful idea you
Thanks for that - we are going to give it a go starting this weekend.
I've heard others say
I've heard others say this...but the problem seems to be the dads, not the kids.
I guess since I have a supportive DH, I can't relate to those problems.
Example:
ME:..."SS, Please go take a shower."
SS: "Just let me finish this game. I can't save yet." (I get that a lot)
ME: "You have 2 minutes"
SS: "OK" (He rolls his eyes...mumbles "whatever"...typical teenager)
ME: "Why aren't you in the shower?" (after 2 minutes)
SS: Response #1 "Sorry....I'm going" And he gets up immediately and gets in the shower.
Or: Response #2 "Wait just a minute...." blah, blah, blah,..."I'm saving the game...."
ME: "You have just lost your XBox for the next 48 hours.
That's how it would play out. I know teenagers aren't perfect. I'll give them a couple of chances. But after that, I enforce rules and dish out consequences. I can't image living in a house where a child didn't do what I asked. And if my DH hears a child arguing with me, the entire world comes down on that child. He'll say "You do NOT talk to my wife like that"...or something to that effect.
How is it that y'all are living in the house with kids who don't understand or respect your authority. My word is the law! My kids can be obnoxious, annoying, and at times disrespectful. But they wouldn't dare disobey me.
My response to the "Just let
My response to the "Just let me finish this game. I can't save yet." response was always. "Now Please" followed by a 30sec delay then CLICK!!!! when I turned off the game system.
When he would freak out about losing his place in the game I would repsond with "You enjoyed figuring out how to get there the first time, you should have just as much fun the second time. You know how long you are allowed to play each day. You should start shutting down 5mins before your time is up. Now, go get in the shower".
Good luck with the game head Skid. Mine has survived to age 18 ...... just barely.
Best regards,
Both of my boys are XBox
Both of my boys are XBox nuts. My dirty little secret? I LOVE to play Halo!
But the whole "just let me save the game thing" drives me insane. Most of the games default back to the most recent checkpoint anyway. So they aren't really losing all that much time. They hate that I know that!
If you want to feel alittle
If you want to feel alittle better read about my BFs D.