First Time Blogger
I'm going to lose my mind. I'm new here and so if this blog ends up being one big spew I'm so very sorry. I met dh three years ago when I was going through a divorce. I fell in love with him real fast. He was sweet, caring, and treated me well. Three months after we met I introduced him to my bs. I had allready met two of his bk. Things moved quickly after that. My roommate had moved out and left me hanging on the rent. My dh decided he would move into the roommates old room and that way if we didn't work out at least we had seperate rooms and could just be roommates. Also while our kids were there we would sleep in seperate rooms. He was great with my son for awhile and things seemed ok. His exglfrnd was a real piece of work and they had no court orders so it made things hard. She would withold the children if he didn't pay the child support amount that she wanted. Which was not court ordered either. Then she would dump the kids off on us for three weeks so she could go party but she still expected child support for that month. I told dh to take her to court. She wasn't taking care of the kids and my sd got a staph infection in her throat. While she was in the hospital we found out that thier bm had let their state insurance lapse. She had allready abducted the children once so we decided that she was planning to do it again. My dh filed for emergency custody.Meanwhile I had found out I was pregnant. She took off with my sd from the hospital and then several weeks later came to our house, pushed her way in and took my ss. She was on the run with my skids for six months. We finally found her in Utah and she was arrested. We had a huge custody battle and lost because our lawyer was terrible. She lied during the evaluation, failed three u.a.'s, created situations where she knew my dh would lose his temper and taped them to play to the evaluator. She lied about her childcare costs and now get's half my dh's paycheck. As if that all isn't stressfull enough I ended up prego again nine months after my bd was born. I know we should have been using protection. We got married in the midst of all this as well. We've been married about a year now and I'm starting to wish I wouldn't have done it. He use to treat my son the same as his but after they were taken he has started treating my bs different than his. It's getting to the point were I feel like if things don't change I'm going to be divorced yet again.
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Comments
hate to make a choice.
I would clearly and calmly let him know that he is putting you in a position to have to choose between him and your bs and you highly recommend he think about his actions before reacting to your son.
Your DH sounds as if stress follows him
"We don't understand life anymore at 40 then at 20, but we know it and admit it" Jules Renard
First, I just want to say I'm sorry
sometimes we get caught up in the moment and we just don't think about the future. You really have it hard right now, and let me tell you, a lot of us have been there already. Some of us make it out, and some do not. There are plenty of moments where couples w/o our blended family situations have problems too, and just want to call it quits. Hang in there, and really try to take a deep breath and try to make a plan to work on things. Divorce is never easy, and not too many people really benefit from it (unless we are talking abuse).
It sounds to me like your dh is really hurting, and he doesn't know where to turn for help. Men have this internal think tank that tells them they are men and they are suppose to be providers, and men don't always know when/how to ask for help. I can't even begin to imagine the pain a parent feels when they have their children robbed from them, but I'm sure your dh has a huge hole in his heart and he doesn't know how to "fix it".
My personal recommendation for you is this....find a family counselor and go to them yourself, take 1-3 sessions to describe what you are experiencing first. Then when the time is right, bring your dh into the counseling sessions with you.
Years ago, my dh and I went through some real shit. To boot, when I met him, he did not have any parenting plan over his son with his ex psycho gf, and she too would want the money then pawn the kid. We did more raising of ss than she did and we too paid her. I know and feel your pain right now. After all my years of helping him battle her, he then became a real jerk to me. I dragged his ass into counseling, and trust me he did not like it, but it worked for us. I really thought I was going to have to leave my marriage and walk away, but the counseling helped us work things out.
I'm sure your dh is a wonderful man, otherwise you wouldn't have married him and have two more kids with him. Go to counseling and take one day at a time (sometimes it's one minute at a time..).
If you can't afford counseling, there are agencies that charge based on income and some doctors will give you a break if you can pash cash.
Best of luck to you,
Candice