I thought these were supposed to be happy thoughts?
I find myself lately being seriously wary when I think about me and DH having kids of our own. I deffinately want kids, it's something I've always previously looked fondly at and forward to. Lately, though, when we talk about having kids in a couple years, I'm not as excited as I used to be because I have soooo many negative thoughts going through my head of the b.s. I will have to deal with in regards to DH already having a kid.
1.) I have serious fears of the way DH's daughter will react. She is already a "ME ME ME NOW NOW NOW" attention hogging brat, so what is it going to be like when we have kids? Is she going to lash out and try to do something to them? Try to turn her mother against us even more than she already does?
2.) Can I deal with the inevitable resentment I will have towards MIL for the way I know she is going to treat our kid in comparison to DH's daughter? MIL has 4 other grandchildren besides, SD , but SD is BY LEAPS AND BOUNDS very obviously the "most wonderful thing in the world" and she is stuck up her ass and BM's ass. She really has nothing to do with the other grandchildren (even though they live in the same house) and SD can do no wrong in her eyes EVER.
3.) How the hell am I going to deal with Skid weekends when i'm pregnant? I can barely handle them now without the raging hormones running through my body.
4.) Are we going to have to plan appointments and classes around skid weekends? I can see myself getting really pissed off if there's something important scheduled for a weekend and it happens to fall on skid visit and DH doesn't decide to be involved.
5.) I KNOW FOR A FACT that a pregnancy with me will turn into "making a sibling for sd" NO NO AND MORE NO. I don't want what should be a special time to be twisted into a "favor" we are doing to give sd someone to "play with".
6.) I don't want sd at baby shower or at hospital during delivery. I know that especially at baby shower MIL would try to drag the turd along.
7.) Is BM going to try to drag DH back to court if she finds out when I get pregnant? Will she be spiteful and vindictive and try to start shit like she has at every other milestone of our relationship?
8.) Is DH going to piss me off constantly by doing the "oh, I know what to do with the baby in this situation, this happened to SD before" blah blah blah.
I hate thinking about these things, but they are all very real posibilities. I know i know, I got into a relationship with someone who already had a kid and all that BUT now that it's getting to a point where we are talking about getting ready to take the next step in our marriage and I'm really thinking about things I'm getting really frustrated. I'm also getting resentful that I am stressing over this and wary, rather than being excited.
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They are supposed to be happy
They are supposed to be happy thoughts. I feel sad for you. It's like being the bride and it's supposed to be all about YOU and DH and then some idiot who just has to be center steals the focus and makes it all about her! Sometimes it feels like we will never have our day!
Omg, tell me about it! We
Omg, tell me about it! We decided to have an all adult reception. We both have always thought adult recpetions were more enjoyable, it had nothing to do personally with SD. But you are sure as shit that his side of the family made it into that! All the whole freaking time from when we started the wedding up until the rehersal dinner there was a HUGE stink from his side of the family that she couldn't come to the reception. Well, neither could the 20 other kids that would have been there on MY side of the family! They kept on saying how heart broken SD was going to be that she couldn't be there with her "daddy" blah blah blah. I was like seriously? Is this her freaking day?!?! I don't think so! So when she grows up and gets married she can make her own damned decisions on that , until then f off!
I'm so sorry you has to go
I'm so sorry you has to go through that. I had two miscarriages last year and I feel your pain. Believe me. PM me if you ever need someone to talk to.
I am so sorry to hear that.
What a selfish prick! Had he
What a selfish prick! Had he nothing to grieve for too?
I totally understand what you
I totally understand what you are saying. I find myself jealous and envious of my girlfriends who are going into motherhood are so (naturally) blistfully blind! They have no idea how hard it is. I am so jealous! I don't want to know how hard it is! I want to be surprised about all this stuff. *sigh* Too late!! Dh is going to get his reversal in December. We have some fun trips and things planned in early 2011 so don't think we will want to start trying until after April but Dh has already said "Wait until BM finds out you are having a baby. Shit will hit the fan." Great.....
I do, however, still find things exciting about the idea of my own. I try not to dwell on the downers that steplife will impose on it but it is hard to block it out completely.
I have said on here many
I have said on here many times that I too am trying to have a baby and what I get so pissed off about is how we cannot just freaking have one without the whole convo around: "what about BM...what about stepkid(s)"...Well, what the hell about me? I think the freaking hardest part about being a stepmom is the constant backseat thinking that becomes the everyday occurance.
It makes me want to scream. We have a life too and people need to realize that our life - although very involved in the life of our DH's past - is not dependent on that whole mess of a situation created before I even came along. I wasn't there when they decided to create a spawn, so I am NOT going to think about what the hell they think when we decided to have our own.
I just had to vent. It's all so mean, the way stepparents are treated when we want to have some sort of normal family of our own.
And I think you should be able to have your child
Good luck to you!!
Haha - that's how our BM
Haha - that's how our BM found out we got married. When she got the new insurance cards with my married name on them!
BM knew we were getting
BM knew we were getting married from the beginning. "Princess" just hadddd to be in the wedding...
Exactly how I feel....I was
Exactly how I feel....I was not there when BM made the piss poor decision to purposely get knocked up by a guy she barely even knew and keep it in an attempt to trap a man and/or get a monthly paycheck. I don't give a flying f about if their feelings get hurt when we have a kid of our own. I am the one who has waited until the right and RESPONSIBLE time with the right person so I could make sure my kids will have a loving mother and father in the same house hold and a great family life. Did SD ask to be born? NO. BUT it was BM who chose to do what she did KNOWING full well that she was bringing a kid into this world as a single mother and that DH was not going to be there full time and robbed her kid of a normal family life. That is NOT my cross to bare, so our kids will certainly not suffer the consequences for "evening the playing field"