I am so sorry! This is such and unfair situation, to everyone involved.

First of all, the courts don't make the amount schedule, the state does. The courts approve it.

Second, I want you to really think about what your life would look like as a single Mom with no child support. I ask you to do this because;
it makes you realize that BM does need some income from your DH and also because 50%-70% of all marriages end in divorce (depending on you age and how many times you've been married)

SO...the money left over after he pays BM is what they will base your child support on (Lord forbid it should happen to you) and if neither of you can afford rent...well, you get my point.

Sadly, yes, CS comes first. However, you can choose to not pay CS for a while. The money will accrue and you will have to pay it eventually. I have heard of bankruptcy cases where CS is treated as any other debt and the CP is just another creditor.

But, I would not recommend not paying CS.

Try some school. Pick up a skill or degree. This does not completely prevent a lay off but it makes it easier to find a job and earn higher incomes. Skilled craft people are at a premium even in this market. Industrial Mechanics. pipe fitters, welders, I&C Techs, etc..are working and making good wages. This situation will only grow as the skilled plant maintenance work force progresses towards retirement. 85% of industrial maintenance people are 55 or older.

Drop me a PM and I will be happy to send you some information on craft training programs.

Good luck and best regards,

You know...there are some people that populate the world without any forethought on whether they will be able to afford to provide for the child they are bringing into the world. Some people never have kids because they are too busy saving or paying off things in order to have children. I'm of the school that if you are saving for life with a child, then you will never have that child.

I applaud your forethought and concern about being able to provide for a child, and if things are that tight...it might be a good idea to wait. Hopefully, our economy will get better and the job market will open up for better opportunities. I can't speak to the CS--because it's an inevitible fact in life. There are many people in this world that provide for their family on so little that it simply amazes me. I look to my own lifestyle and start thinking of the things that I would have to give up in order to live that way and it's daunting. But, I would do it if I had to. When my xH and I were only separated before the divorce was final, I only got as much CS as he could afford. When he left the military (he re-enlisted shortly after) and couldn't find a job, he didn't give me any CS. I was living on my own by then, with a 1 year old child. I sure lost all that weight I wanted to lose, because I didn't get to eat too much back then. It was either groceries for me or pay the light bill. And what's worse is the fact that even though we were separated, I still had to claim his income when I would try to get some financial help...so I didn't get any financial help from my local charities, either.

Now...I have a great job making a great income..insurance and 401k. I thank God (not often enough) for providing me with a wonderful opportunity to make my daughters life better.

On a side note...when I first started dating DH years ago..he told me he didn't want any more kids (other than his two and my one) because he already had two that he had to get through college!!! He is one that gives financial matters A LOT of thought!!

I have the same worries, tofurkey. I'm pregnant with me and my fiance's first child together. I'm confused about why this wouldn't change his child support amount. We both have decent jobs and degrees yet we live paycheck to paycheck as it is. When we have our baby we'll be spending over $500/month in day care costs for our child, while DF pays BM $670 a month. BM makes more money than my fiance (by at least $4 an hour, last that DF knew, and she's had a promotion since then) and gets $1000 in child support a month from the fathers of her two children. She is pulling in at least $1600 more a month as a single parent than we are as a two-person household, plus she rents an apartment that her own dad helps her to pay, and her parents paid for her lawyer for her when she and DF went through their custody battle. We have DF's son half the time, and pay for half of any things that come up, not to mention have to buy tons of clothes and shoes and coats for him because BM doesn't know how to dress him appropriately for the weather.

So I have begun to struggle with the thought that our own child will have to live WITHOUT so that BM can live WITH. It's a hard pill to swallow.

I know what you mean. When DH's CS obligation nearly doubled last year, we had to pull our biokid out of preschool because we could no longer afford it.

DH and I always knew that our biokids would be raised differently than SS was raised. So we decided before we had kids together exactly what we would do different. First, was gift-giving. We do not want out children to be spoiled, we also don't want our kids to be overwhelmed with too many toys and not enough space to play. So we limit our spending to an affordable amount and we only pay cash for gifts, no credit cards. We do not buy name-brand clothes for our bios. We shop at resale stores for clothes and toys. We share hand-me-downs with family and friends. We do a lot of free activities - local zoo, library, kids eat free restaurants so parents can afford to eat out once in a while, etc.

I don't feel like my kids are missing out on anything. Just remember: your children need your presence, not your presents.

Tofurkey, I have often thought about this as well. Sometimes I get really bitter and resentful. DH and I have been trying to conceive for almost 4 years now. A lot of frustration. A big part of me thinks "maybe its a good thing we dont b/c when we got engaged, BM went off the rails on a crazy train so imagine if we were pregnant!" Not only that but we couldnt afford it. Also, having SKs has really changed my mind on having kids to be honest. I know your own kids are different but I am still selfish!
If it happens, it happens I guess for me. Sometimes I have outbursts to DH like "well, at least YOUR kids will be able to go to college, if we ever have kids they're screwed!" Its an emotional topic for sure. Hang in there.

my dh called child support enforcement agency yesterday and asked how to go about getting a reduction and they said that he has to prove a 30% income difference while she only has to show a 10% difference...... how is that justified?

I believe in the custodial parents receiving child support, but not to the point where the paying parent don't even have enough to live on. I've seen that so many times and it seems so unfair.

Then you get the custodial parent that don't receive anything and nothing ever happens to the dead beat parent.

The whole child support system needs to be revamped.