Come on now!
FMIL is just screwing with me now. She signed up to get textmessages from school with updates at the begining of the year. I of course had signed myself and FDH up so we would be in the loop. Anyways school text that picture money was due (remeber she went tearing through SDs bookbag yesterday looking for them) so she calls wantimg to know what we are doing about pictures because she wanta them. FDH told her we were getting some but that I didnt want the whole pack because I just want a big one for my home office. She of course isn't happy with that answer and wanted her own. So FDH INVITES HER OVER, and guess what she said no I can't come over today just pick me out xyz pictures and I will pay you for them when I get a check.....
He asked her to come and she couldn't..... Because it wasnt her idea to sneak up on us. I'm so over this.
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Why not let the woman just
Why not let the woman just order a package? At her own cost, of course.
When school pics are being taken and I have to send in the order form and cash/check , I always call and ask my mother and sister what they want (sizes and number) before submitting the order sheet. I do pay for the cost, but they would if I asked them to. We just always share pictures. My sister just emailed me the photos of her grandson (my only little nephew) and asked me which pose and what size I wanted.
I 'get' the woman drives you crazy and doesn't seem to know boundaries, but why be so difficult over letting her order some pics or sharing if you are getting a small package. If cost is an issue, let her pay for them.
I couldnt possibly care less
I couldnt possibly care less if she gets pictures or not. I am not however going to let her take them and me and FDH not get any. And I did pay for the ones for her and for us. Our school sends one pack home and you keep what you want and send the rest back they dont have an option to order other packages.
My issue is when she is invited over she cant be bothered but then just randomly shows up whenever she wants to.
Have you ever checked out
Have you ever checked out /JUSTNOMIL on reddit? Please do. You'll find a lot of supportive people who have crazy MILs.
Good on your SO for handling the situation...sort of. You need to go No Contact with his mother and let him handle her crazy.
You need to SERIOUSLY contemplate whether you want to sign up for a lifetime struggle of dealing with this disordered woman and her battle for ownership of your SO's kids. Please don't say "I do" until he's resolved thie issue and you've enjoyed a solid length of peace and stability.
Ok I have a very pushy MIL
Ok I have a very pushy MIL and thankfully she moved several states away when my SO and I moved into our home. Anyway. I say this in the nicest kindest way possible because I set very hard limits with my future in-laws. Yup you guessed it SO and his son lived with his parents and they helped raise him. I got plenty of flack from people telling me I am over stepping and being pushy and trying to take away the only family he has ever known.
I was not doing any of that but I was setting myself up for what I am comfortable with. A few questions for you, does she have a key to your house? does your SO stick up for you to her? Have you and SO tried to get the guardianship powers she has taken away? If you answers are Yes, No, and No. You need to really start setting up those boundaries and unfortunately do it hard. You and you SO own the home not her so you can take away things all you want, either she adapts and accepts it or she can just stay home. First you and FDH really need to get the guardianship changed. If that still stands and stays in place she will continue with all that she has been doing.
If the skids are already calling you mom and are bonding well with you and enjoying life they will accept this as well. My skid did, he comes to me for permission before asking anyone else. My situation is easier because the il's moved away. I still deal with my future MIL not listening to me or my SO and trying to insert herself in decisions in our home via video chat.
Thank you for actually
Thank you for actually understanding I'm not trying to be a b@!$# all I want is a little respect.
The answer to your questions are NO! Yes and we are in the process now of filling out and filing papers for her guardianship to be terminated due thankfully to her making a mistake and getting herself into trouble with the judge.
Once you have that done and
Once you have that done and it goes through you will have a much easier time of setting boundaries. I would take her off the contact list at school, medical, anywhere she has authority right now. I do not think this is taking it too far at all. She needs to learn to just be the grandparent and enjoy the spoiling and fun aspect of it all.
In the beginning she may be mean and resentful, and she may always be that way. If you give her time to spend with the kids, give her a schedule of their activities, let he know when games, or performances are still keep her involved. She may appreciate you at some point for letting her just be the fun one and not one to raise them. I had this with my SIL a little she was worried but now she is happy to just do fun things and actually be able to enjoy just being the aunt.
You need to set those boundaries, honestly lock the doors. I would tell her if you continue to come over with no warning you will not be allowed to see the kids. I know it sounds harsh and obviously you have to say that after guardianship is terminated but hell. If she has walked in on you multiple times now do it. I would in heart beat.
Next time she shows up in
Next time she shows up in your backyard turn on a big sprinkler. Or just hose her away like you would with a dog.