My professor was right. I have learned from "Stepmom". I found myself envious of Susan Sarandon and Julia Roberts. I know it is just a movie and probably unlikely, but I also know, having read Steptalk blogs etc, that it IS possible for BM and I to be civil and not vicious.

Don't get me wrong, around the children (as far as I know), we are civil and don't bad mouth each other. In our own worlds (like I am doing here), we spew venomous snotty comments about each other.

I don't like being full of anger. I don't like that I let this woman have control over me. I want to be above this. I think the first step is acknowledging she screwed up and it is the past and she is HUMAN. She wants back in her kids' life because she screwed up. She doesn't know the first thing about being a mother even though she has a child with her now but that doesn't mean I should continue to persecute her. She gave birth to these boys and if it weren't for her, I wouldn't be enlightened towards the joys of parenting ...

And so, I shall begin the journey toward "forgiveness" and enlightenment.

It would be a lot easier if the journey wasn't all uphill.