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stopping phone communication

thenewwife's picture

has anyone tried just changing your number and stopping phone communication completely? She will have an email if she needs to get ahold of SO but otherwise she won't have any other way to communicate with him. Any body try this and had major backlash? Just wanting to be prepared.

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Asher10's picture

i changed my cell and my email.dh ended up changing his cell about a week ago as well.bm now only has access to email and my office line at home.with the exception of the other day we have pretty much stopped taking her calls which is forcing her to email her demands or nastiness.
it's working fairly well so far.i did break down on christmas and answer my line when she called.it wasn't terrible though,just frustrating.
i say go for it and see what happens.
OH or you can get a prepaid cell for $50 and give that number to BM and she can leave VM on it til her little heart is content }:)

somerg's picture

arnt two divorced parties required to provide phone numbers like incase of an emergencies? i woudl think that would be against the decree wouldn't it....o how i would LOVE to communicate via only e-mail but sadly my ex hasn't gotten up to speed with mankind yet

thenewwife's picture

I checked the divorce decree and it said nothing about the parents having to communicate, just that you have to let the other parent call while you have the child, which we will do prepaid for.

itsgottostop's picture

We have pretty much done away with phone calls and primarily rely on email when commincating with my husbands ex wife. She used to have his cell number but started calling and texting him a million times a day. She now only has my number which she only calls if she absolutely has to because she refuses to go through me. My husband and I have a joint email account and we both use mobile email so BM must email if she wants a response. This is also good because either of us can respond and she doesn't know who is who.

thenewwife's picture

thats awesome I'm thinking he is going to change it today because she wants him to email her all of the time but never follows emails up, or excessively texts him all of the time Smile

Asher10's picture

the decree doesn't mention it but it DOES mention that one parent WILL NOT continually call the other parent unless it is ABSOLUTELY necessary and 100% about the child.Dh's lawyer managed to do one intelligent thing during that divorce and that was adding that little requirement.enforcing it is a bitch though and nearly impossible.

itsgottostop's picture

Yep...its amazing what it will do when your DH puts his foot down when it comes to harassing phone calls and texts. At first BM flipped out because she realized she only had my phone number and not my husbands. The papers state that she must have a contact number for him...that contact number is his new wifes phone number and there is nothing the bitch can do about it Smile they are going back to court in 4 weeks and you would be amazed at the stuff BM has put in emails that my husband is using as evidence against her in court. They get mad enough and they will say stupid things in email just as they would on the phone. Especially if email is the ONLY means of communication. Smile

mom2five's picture

How does that make any sense, itsgottostop? Why on earth would you provide your husband's ex with your phone number but not his? If they are going back to court in four weeks and her attorney brings up the fact that he won't give her his phone number that could really, really hurt him in court. At least make sure your attorney knows so that he isn't blindsided if her attorney raises the issue at trial.

Just for the record...I am a SM and a BM. I would be furious if my ex insisted that I go through his wife. I like his wife. I think she is a great stepmother. We get along. But I didn't have kids with her. And if I have an emergency with one of our kids, I have the right to be able to contact my ex directly without wasting time going through his wife.

Also, as a stepmother, I would never in a ga-zillion years tell my husband that his ex could only have my number. First, my husband is a big boy and is capable of dealing with his ex without my help. And second, why on earth would I want her calling me? And we have custody! She has my number. But she wouldn't call me unless she couldn't reach my husband.

Your husband's ex wife didn't have kids with you. She shouldn't be forced to deal with you. And your husband should be capable of dealing with his ex without your help. If he can't...well, that kind of makes you wonder where he left his balls, doesn't it.

mom2five's picture

Why should she have to go through her to get to her children's father? I'm normally a huge proponent of stepmothers. I am one. And I know all too well how difficult that role is. But this is nothing short of a control issue.

The ex-wife did not marry nor have kids with stepmom. She is under absolutely no obligation to "work with", "cooperate with", or "co-parent" with the stepmother. It's great if she is willing to do so. But she isn't wrong for wanting to deal exclusively with and directly with her children's father.

Should stepmom be involved in decisions? Hell yes! It's her house and her schedule. But it's up to her husband to make sure her opinions and valued and considered.

And just for the record...my ex is remarried. I talk to my kids' stepmother more than I do their father. She is the one that runs that household, maintains schedules, and controls the finances. But I CHOOSE to do so. That's a hell of a lot different than being forced to.

itsgottostop's picture

Oh wow. Its obvious every situation is different. My husband and I have been together for nearly 4 years and for the first two BM had my husbands phone number. The problem with that was that she called 20 to 30 times a day for no reason. She wont call my phone and that is why she onlyhas my number in case of an emergency. And for the record, I did not make the decision to give her my number only, that was my husbands decision. The whole point in doing this is to stop the harassing phone calls altogether and force her to communicate via email. Another reason we use email is because she will say one thing one minute and the next minute completely contradict herself. Its best to have everything she says in writing. This way she can't lie. In some cases, if you want to live a normal life, you have to put limits on some BMs. If not, SOME of them will try to destroy and completely control your life as the BM in my situation used to try and do.

Not the Evil Stepmom's picture

I was going to do that when my ex left my boys and me 5 years ago but my lawyer told me that my ex had to have some way to talk to the boys. It sucked because my ex would call all the time and not even to talk to the boys. Then his girlfriend got my number from him and started sending me nasty text messages. My lawyer still said there was nothing that I could do. He never stepped far enough over the line into harrassment. He knew just how far to push.

thenewwife's picture

we will provide a number for her to call if/when we have SS as far as I am concerned there should be no reason she should be able to bully through a cell phone because they have a child together I'm tired of phone calls at 1 or 2 in the morning from the bar. She is crazy she horribly misuses the phone number and if she does take us to court we have proof to back this. In the case of emergency we have provided her with families numbers to let us know, like she would anyways though. Your situation may be different but for us we cannot have a life because of her thinking she can get what she wants with the snap of her fingers, and I want to stop that.