Falsely accused again. What do I do?
Today Dudebug got sick at camp. DH picked him up and called BM to say that since I am home for the summer, they are working, and its one of our days with him anyway, he would be dropping the Dudebug off with me at home to be provided care. She blew up at him and said I am not allowed to be alone with her child since I have mistreated him. DH and she got into a screaming match on the phone with Dudebug there in the car. Dudebug said, "She doesn't mistreat me, she's nice to me!" BM said that if DH leaves Dudebug with me she'll get a deputy and come to the house to get him.
DH called and said if she is going to institute her "First right of refusal" in letting me provide child care, that BM is the one who will be inconvenienced. He took Dudebug to her work and told her that if she is going to refuse the child care he makes available so will he. She is no longer allowed to leave Dudebug with babysitters, big half-sisters, or BMs father or her boyfriend. BM will just have to take time off work.
So here I am, again the focus of her venom and for what?! I have never laid a hand on this child. She says I mistreat him! The last time she said this was two years ago July 4th (see my first blog). If she really thought I abuse him and if she's really a good mother, she should have taken serious and immediate action. All she's doing is making false accusations when it serves her purposes to get us all worked up about her.
I feel like I need to protect myself. What if a year from now she does file charges? I need to take the first step, but what do I do? DH said we can't really afford to take it to court right now unless it is unavoidable. I suggested a GAL but he is so scared of the "court getting involved with our life...they never leave". So here I am getting my name dragged through the mud. I'm a teacher, what if she can threaten my job with these accusations? What if she twists her son until he changes is story to her version? I want this stopped.
??
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Let her take him on for a
Let her take him on for a while and then when she needs you to watch him at her conviences refuse, remember you are mean to her child.
be done with it
I dunno but
Awesome DH for dropping Sk at BM's work and basically telling her to stick a fork in it.
I wouldn't worry about false accusations. I have been the subject of two CPS investigations and one RCMP. All dropped and BM looked like a 'tard. After her first vieled threat of reporting us to CPS, she asked to watch her bioson that she had with her current spouse and we said no because we didn't want to be accused of any more abuse. She was mmmmmaaaaaaaaaaaaaadddddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!!! Served her right though. Things have a way of biting you in the a$$ when you aren't careful with your accusations. LOL
We all smile in the same language
Anita~
BM in our case did the same thing. Had us watch her kid (not DH's ) and then the next week tried to have me arrested for assault. It worked against her in court because she said she was so afraid of me and has always been, but then we pulled out the "well you had your kid spend the night at our house and asked again 2 days before the alleged assault" The judge knew she was a total loony toon.
Amazing isn't it
The cops keep a file on her for all her strange crap with kids and what not. Same with CPS. Not things that they would feel warrant further action but someone to keep a watchful eye on and to beware of her accusations. (She doesn't know this but I have the inside scoop).
I have a stellar reputation in this town. I work with the mental ill, mentally handicapped (brain injured, FASD), trauma victions and those having problems with the law or CPS. All I can say is good luck trying to bring me down. Anyone mentions her and town and try and draw details from me but relating their stories about involvement with her, I just respectfully say the woman is mentally ill and can't help herself. I know, sounds sooo understanding but this town is small and sooner or later its going to get back to her that I feel "sorry for her mental illness" and she will be pissed. I'm a little passive agressive. Sometimes I take years to work my magic but ohhhh so rewarding when they catch on that I'm shafting them all over town on the guise of trying to be understanding to her blight. Worked like a charm so far.
We all smile in the same language
How about consulting an attorney?
If she is making false accusations that is slander. You are right to be concerned with your job. She needs to be shut down.
FYI
Slander is one of the hardest laws to enforce and prosecute. Oh course a lawyer would take a slander case but your chances or next to nil. If you are internet savy, try finding the web site for your local court and research slander cases. They are rarely successful (especially when its against private citizens) and you usually end up payings costs.
In case your wondering, ex legal secretary and also worked for Crown Counsel so I do have a little legal knowledge to back it up.
We all smile in the same language
Thanks.
I put a call in to my attorney and am waiting for a call back/appointent. I am going to be aggressive about this. She has no right to malign my character in public.
I posted under the earlier the post ...
so make sure you read that one for another response.
Actually..
from personal experience, you do need to be concerned about false accusations. BM had me arrested a few months ago (conveniently a week after filing for full custody)...even though I had three witnesses that debunked her story, I still got arrested (in front of my BD and SD's). The charges were later dropped, but I still went through hell. We couldn't believe her statement when we saw it, a complete fabrication...and there's nothing we can do.
I feel for you, I've been there. The first thing I can tell you is to DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!!! Every single last word, every single incident. You do need to protect yourself. If she continues, call the police and let them know that she's harrassing you. Make them aware of the situation.
She is obviously, like my BM, threatened by you. Jealousy can tear a person apart, and she's got it bad. BM does't want me alone with her children either...but it sucks for her because she has no choice. According to my DH's family atty, she can't say that I'm not allowed to be alone with her kids unless she has a good reason (which is why she filed the charges in the first place)...
I'm still pissed about what she did to me. She is a liar, and I still regret not going to a jury trial, even though all charges against me were dismissed. Someone needs to show this woman that she can't do what she's been doing.
I hate to say this, but unless you do something, it's only going to get worse. I know. I wish you the best of luck....and contact an attorney if you can and ask them what you should do.
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on." ~Robert Frost
We also decided
to have a family meeting with Dudebug next week when he comes back. We'd love him to stay young and innocent for a few more years, but she's been twisting him for 4 years and 8yrs is old enough to know what is going on. We're going to calmly talk to him about the problems. Remind him the difference between verbal reprimands and abuse. Explain (again) about the status of step mother. Explain why BM says what she does. And let him know that we love him no matter what.