Wow... ending your marriage becasue you won't F-over your ex and dump a car that you have been driving on him. I need to go back and see if you responded last time I commented but what did your divorce say about the car? I still don't have any advice other than this seems over the top and crazy town. It is really scary what he is pulling with the threats.... Are you able to leave if needed?

Your ex co-signed for a care when you were together, that you are now paying for. Big.frickin'.deal. It doesn't make you loyal to your ex, it makes you an honorable woman of your word, who pays her bills.

It's okay that you have to put up with your husband's kids AND his ex wife on a regular basis but he wants you to just give your car to your ex because he co-signed for it?

I suppose you could maybe refinance it, depending on the situation, but really, your husband is being an ass. Why didn't he bring this up when you first got together, if it's such an issue? I'll tell you why, because this is not about a car.

I'll say it again. Your DH is a tool.

My car is still co-owned by XH, and his by me. We both had very long loans out on them, and I just paid mine off this month (a year early, too). Refinancing would have doubled my interest rate, and I wasn't willing to up my payments or lengthen the loan time just to get XH off my car.

You want to know what DH has said to me about it? Not one GD word. He knew about the car situation when we got married. XH and I both have insurance on our cars (and really good insurance, too). I could make the payments without DH (though he helped up the amount we were paying to get it paid off faster). He has ZERO obligation to that car, and he knows that it's more of a burden to have XH on it than it is to not.

The ONLY reason I got on DH about getting off the car he and BM co-owned was because she and her DH, who rarely has a license, were driving it on expired tags and without insurance when they got it running again. When DH found out it was working and they were using it, he immediately insured it and bought new tags. I told him I wasn't going to help keep paying on a car we didn't have access to or got to dictate who drove it. BM was not thrilled to have DH off of it because it was taken care of when he had responsibility for it, but he managed to get her to a DMV to sign off the title.

Unless you're in a similar situation as my DH was, your DH needs to stay OUT. OF. IT. Unless your DH is making the payment, he need to stay OUT. OF. IT. He's mad that you are making him parent his children so that they are respectful of your home. So, disengage. Stop caring. Stop telling the kids to do anything. If you don't want them sleeping on your couch, take the cushions, but don't say a word to them about going to bed.

Honestly, I'd cal DH's bluff and leave. Anyone who throws around the D-word over this kind of BS then backpedals isn't someone who is going to be good for you in the long run. It's manipulative. It's controlling. It's harmful. Get off this crazy roller coaster and find yourself a good life without the baggage.

Your DH is being an idiot.  If the loan payment is also in your name then if your EX doesn't pay the loan then your credit is ruined.  Your DH doesn't have two brain cells to rub together if he can't figure THAT out.

Here are the facts as I see them.

1.  You like your car

2.  Your EX cosigned for this car with you.

3.  Your DH is being an a-hole about you having some financial tie with your EX.

The reason you don't want to give your EX the car is because you actually LIKE the car and it's not so much that you don't want to screw him over.. but it would in fact be ALSO screwing YOU over if you started to default on payments.

So, if he doesn't want you to have this tie to your EX.. then perhaps you look at options for refinancing the car in JUST your name?  Or if your DH is so flush with money.. .pay off the loan totally.  I suppose another option would be to trade the car in and get a new car with a new loan (or used car.. new loan).  But, it seems silly to make a decision that might not be financially sound because your DH is being a baby-man.

In fact,  in virtually every post you put on here, you highlight the toddler antics of the man you are with.  He is immature, selfish and lazy.  And.. we can add vindictive and jealous to the list.  I see fewer reasons why you should stay in a situation that clearly drives you nuts with a man who is bound and determined to create problems for you (like the car).

I WISH Dh's ex had been this sane. She didn't pay on HER car (that she got in DH's name) an dit got repossesed, we're stuck with all the repo fees. And. It. Sucks. Hardcore. Not to mention the blackmark on his credit score we're stuck with too.

I think frankly it's a bit ridiculous to inform them they have to turn in all the bigger items. Your ex co-signed, but it's your car, it's not like you're forcing him to live in a former marital home (which some people are still fine with, but I can get discomfort in that). You're liable for these payments as well, that's part of taking a loan. Even if you split later, you still have responsibility, and I think your Dh should be appreciating that more than anything. I mean DH has a LOT of s*** we're paying on because of his ex... But even I don't encourage him to just not pay on it... I hate that we're losing so much money... But he (unfortunately) was married to the psycho, and the consequence was she took s*** out in his name during deployements. Not much we cna do to fix that besides just be repsonsible aobut it all.

Tell your DH to get over it, if anything you're showing a responsibility and maturity that's good for relationships and will profit you both in the long run. However, I get being uncomfortable over weird things too... My DH asked if I wanted to keep cooking stuff from prior, knowing he wasn't home a lot (military) I basically said he!! no and go rid of it. Also we totally are burning the old couch this weekend. LOL

 Your husband is a controlling jerk. This, added to his tirade about you going to lunch with other people makes me want to scream at you to RUN. 

Do you get anything good out of this relationship? 

I can only ask the same...does the good far outweight the bad?  What do you get out of this?  Does any of it truly make you happy?  Do you feel loved, appreciated...sexy?  Does he ever tell you how beautiful you are or that he loves you?  Scared of losing you?  Happy that you're in his life?  Does he even pick up a plate for you or run to the store for cold meds when you're sick?  Does he say thank you?

Tank you just seem like a woman very miserable because you're married to a controlling, immature, manipulative a-hole.

You deserve more.  You deserve better.