Should DH let BM know.
BM never wants to read the CO or even follow it for that matter. She wants DH to do things to her advantage and DH used to let her until I came into the picture and started pointing out all the things that she does and tries to do to DH. Here is my thing this is probably a stupid question but does DH have to notify BM that he is having surgery because I will be the one picking up the skids for the weekend and dropping them back off since DH will not be able to drive. To me it is none of BM's damn business but I am wondering if that is something that DH should let her know.
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If it's not in the CO that
If it's not in the CO that nobody except your DH can transport, then I wouldn't bother. Is DH going to be with you?
Can he ride along with you?
Can he ride along with you? If so, it would seem as a normal pick-up 'oh, Dad's here, let's go'. Dad present, nothing to notify.
Unless no one but Dad has ever done the exchange, I don't see what the big deal would be. Anything in CO saying she must be informed?
There is nothing in the CO
There is nothing in the CO that states that DH is the only one that can pick them up. I am not sure if DH will go with me to pick up the skids or not it all depends on how he feels at that time. Trust me I really would rather not go to BM's house to pick up the special snowflakes but, DH cannot drive until he gets cleared by the orthopedic surgeon. I am going to tell DH to text BM and let her know that I will be picking up the skids if DH is not with me. I was just curious if DH has to let her know that he had surgery.
Is there a *right of first
Is there a *right of first refusal* clause in the CO? Wouldn't it be easier for all involved if skiddos were with their mother while DH is having surgery and during his recovery? BM will find out about the surgery anyway, kids talk.
No there is no ROFR clause in
No there is no ROFR clause in the CO. I do agree that it would be best for the skids to stay home as well but DH hasn't seen them in almost 6 weeks because BM has had them for her 21 day summer vacation stay so I am sure DH isn't going to turn down his weekend visitation with them. I know BM will find out about the surgery I just was curious if we have to notify her of something major like this since the skids will be under DH's care the day he has the surgery.
As far as the skids being
As far as the skids being there during Dad's recovery... as long as he is able to spend time with them, there is no reason they shouldn't be there.
My DH had his shoulder completely rebuilt. He couldn't drive, so BioHo had to do all of the driving until he was able. Then HE drove both ways until he'd driven an equal number of times and they went back to 'Ho bringing the skids to DH and DH returning the skids to 'Ho.
DH will be able to spend time
DH will be able to spend time with him he just cannot drive until the surgeon clears him to drive but, I am going to stay out of the way unless DH needs me.
That's what I did, tank. The
That's what I did, tank. The only difference is that I will not play chauffeur for the skids. DH knows that and arranged with BioHo for her to do all of the driving until he could drive. She only had to drive for 2 visits. No biggie.
"I just was curious if we
"I just was curious if we have to notify her of something major like this since the skids will be under DH's care the day he has the surgery."
No you don't need to notify her that he is having surgery, but she should be notified that somebody else will be picking up the skids for visitation.
Back before DH had custody of SD he had back surgery. FIL came for the weekend because I was out of town and FIL did the pick up and drop off, DH had notified his ex that his dad was in town and would be picking up and dropping off. SD was the one who told meth ex about the surgery once she got home from her weekend.
Money-Ka used to come pick up
Money-Ka used to come pick up the Things...I never cared who was doing the driving. And, I totally didn't care that no one told me she was coming - never occurred to me to be upset about it, either...
I don't understand why people get so bent out of shape about who is picking up the kids??
What is up with that??
Why should she be notified that someone else is coming to pick up the skids?
W.O.B. that is because you
W.O.B. that is because you are not a GUBM
, but from everything the OP has told us, this BM will probably blow a gasket and refuse to allow the kids to go with OP.
which is why you don't give
which is why you don't give her a heads up.
Pffft.
WOB, it's all about control.
WOB, it's all about control. AND another way to stick it to the biodad. For some of the GUBMs... it's what they live for.
guess how many times it took
guess how many times it took Medusa to "be okay" with me picking up the skids??
BioHo was extremely PO'd when
BioHo was extremely PO'd when I would no longer a) pick up or drop off skids, b) take skids stuff they'd forgotten, or c) skid-sit while DH was working.
As long as it was a CONVENIENCE for 'Ho, she was fine with me doing it. When it inconvenienced her, she was mad that I wouldn't bow to her uterus. (It's probably rotting anyway...)
I would not notify BM of
I would not notify BM of anything medically related. I personally don't even think she needs to be given a heads up about you picking up the kids. The more notice you give the BM of these things, the more time they have to bitch and complain.
ding ding ding ding ding ding
ding ding ding ding ding ding
This topic (SM doing exchange
This topic (SM doing exchange whether by herself or *gasp* riding along) I guess I'll never really 'get'.
Unless the SM has reckless driving history or is known to be drunk/drugged, what is the big deal? It's not like the woman isn't going to or has already spent the entire weekend with these children in her home. But the horrors of having SM pull up curbside and having the kiddos come out or go in is just too much?
I could also see if the BM was a total loon who might go crazy (verbally or physically), no need to have SM's buns kicked or subject the kids to a melting down BM. But many of these BM's think nothing of pulling up, getting out and waltzing right up to SM's door. Some of them would even march right on into Sm's home and look around or help the kids put on their shoes if given the chance.
As to any time the parent who has immediate possession of the kids that week/day and it is a school day, the only reason I can see to perhaps inform the opposite parent they will be temporarily out of commission for part of the day (example morning outpatient surgery) would be because if the school needs to contact (example kid broke nose at recess). If the parent isn't scheduled to be having the out-patient procedure isn't picking up and having the children until late afternoon (afterschool) , it's really none of the other parents business. Not that it will be a best kept secret once the child returns to the opposite parent an blabs Daddy had surgery, but instead it's simply nothing divorced parents need to be doing. Informing opposite parent of personal information. If it doesn't affect the kids, or involve the kids, I'd be 'uh, thanks for sharing, but why are you telling me this' :?
I hope everything goes ok with your Dh's surgery.
Thank you twoviewpoints my
Thank you twoviewpoints my DH's surgery went well he is just in a lot of pain. Everything went fine with the pickup and drop off at BM's as well.