Keeping Golden Uterus BM under wraps
How can we keep the Golden Uterus BM out of our business this summer when the skids are with us? Any advice, ideas or suggestions are welcome.
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How can we keep the Golden Uterus BM out of our business this summer when the skids are with us? Any advice, ideas or suggestions are welcome.
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^^This^^
^^This^^
They both have cell phones
They both have cell phones that that BM provides to them and laptops so we should take them away while we are at work and the skids are with the babysitter?
Yup. You can tell them that
Yup. You can tell them that your screen policy at your house is that they can only be used when an adult is around.
It's really quite simple-your house equals your rules. Put them away and only let them use them when you feel like it
Why does BM want to interfere
Why does BM want to interfere with the kids time with dad?
Its his home and he can tell her to keep her phones at her house. IF IF IF something happens to the phone she will blame your husband. I would not recommend accepting the cells and laptops.
Just make sure the kids can call their mom every now and then. X's have been known to put tracking devices on the kids phones. One time I heard a bm call the dh complain about a restaurant they were eating.
KEEP YOUR PHONE BM,,,
OP you have a right to privacy.
X's have also been known to suggest to the kids to take pictures of dads house.
BM cannot be away from her
BM cannot be away from her precious snowflakes I guess. Who knows what is going on inside that woman's head. Last year OSS was taking pictures of our house for BM for god knows what. When we found out we took the cell phones away from both skids. She was even asking what my DH was feeding them because they were complaining to her that they weren't getting fed when in reality they just wanted fast food and junk food and we didn't give it to them everyday.
Yep, sounds right! Our BM
Yep, sounds right!
Our BM put in a court declaration that DH's parenting time should be reduced because he let SS cry instead of comforting him (when he was disciplined for bad behavior).
OMG these GUBMs don't have
OMG these GUBMs don't have one.single.parent.bone in their entire body!!!
Yeah the Girhippo would repeatedly and routinely call when Chef was having active entitlement sessions with the skids. . .
From the script GUBM Chapter 7 verse 3:
"Mommmmmmmyyyyyyyyy miiiiiiiiiiissses yoouuuuuuuuuu sooooooooooo much"
"If you come home riiiiiiight noooooow mommmmyyyyyy will have a speeeeecial surprise waiting for youuuuuu!"
and patent pending--before cell phones were common:
"Ring ring" (SM sees GUBM calling on caller ID)
SM: "hello?"
GUBM: (long silence and huge SIGH big enough to blow up an inner tube)
SM: "Hello?"
GUBM: "Put MY kids on the line!"
SM: "Oh is this [GUBM]?"
GUBM: "I WANT TO TALK TO MY KIDS! WHERE IS [BIODAD]?"
SM: "Ok, let me see if I can get them, they're outside playing right now"
GUBM: (another exasperated sigh)
Annnnnnd this is why I got rid of our land line.
My mother was living with us
My mother was living with us for a while before she passed away. We got calls from my brother asking if we were feeding her. She was having memory issues at the time and was forgetting that we had provided her with meals.. which she did eat.
Her proof in her mind was when she put on a pair of sweat pants that were 8 sizes too big to prove how much weight she was loosing. Um... mom, those never fit you. lol.
I mean, I get the mother's visceral response to call your husband when her kids claim they aren't being fed. But, it should be easy enough and acceptable for him to tell her. EX, what you heard was wrong. We are feeding them but I didn't want to take them to fast food.
To be honest, over monitoring all contact between the kids and their mother also can be construed as you are trying to hide something she wouldn't want to know.
I do think that when you have a COD, you are going to have a little bit of this and all you can really do is try to instill in the kids that if they have issues while they are at your home, that they go to YOU. Mom doesn't have to have a run down on every little thing that is said or done in this house.
Of course, kids who live with a parent for any amount of time are probably going to want to share their day with them. They probably even want to share "their room" at the other house.
And..kids are going to occasionally overshare. When they do, another reminder discussion about the goings on in one household not necessarily being the business of the other is in order.
I think there's a difference
I think there's a difference between wanting to share and being pumped for information. Our BM pumps for information.
I wish we were in a situation where communication didn't have to be monitored, but we are, and other families are. When literally any.tiny.thing can and will be used against you, you manage the information that's available.
Yep and pumped with LEADING
Yep and pumped with LEADING questions. . .
"What BAAAADDDDD thing happened to you at dad and THAT WOMAN'S house??!!?"
Skids catch on that the only way to make mommykins happy is to make up some story about how they had a TEEEERRRRRIIBLE time at dad's. Even though they had a GREAT time.
It is really none of BM's
It is really none of BM's business what the skids are eating at our house I personally think. We have different rules and our household is not the same as BM's. While I understand the motherly concern that DH and I are starving her kids she just needs to butt out and let DH be a parent to his kids because it is a bunch of nonsense drama and she should know that her kids do this in order to get what they want,
LOL We think the kids are
LOL We think the kids are starved at BM's house. BM tells SD 12 that if she eats so much she'll get fat, even though she's at 50% for weight and tall. SS is at like the 25% and is given the small Lunchables for his whole lunch--which he can't finish because of the assembly required.
I would love to start hurling accusations at that witch about how poorly she treats the skids, so it makes me insane when she criticizes DH.
Yeah that is usually how it
Yeah that is usually how it goes. They are perfect and can do no wrong and our DH's are a POS! I want to throw up every time I hear her voice or DH gets a text from her with her stupid comments about how he should be doing this or that. I am thinking hello you are younger than both of us what the hell do you know besides grinding up and down on men and getting paid for it!! BM has my DH thinking that he cannot discipline his own kids while they are at our house and I am like bullshit I am not going to have uncontrollable chaos in my house because you are afraid of what BM will say. I almost have left over this crap.
Same here. DH is so afraid
Same here. DH is so afraid of what a homeless, jobless woman who lives in her car will do! Bring it on loser!
Yeah I don't get it. They
Yeah I don't get it. They just don't want to deal with parenting and BM's antics so they avoid it.
I actually am not in total
I actually am not in total agreement. If a kid calls me and tells me they aren't being fed.. I'm the mother? You darn right I am going to follow up on that!
So, no, she will not "butt out" if she thinks her kids are being mistreated.
Maybe she should know this is how the kids are trying to get what they want, but your husband should be perfectly capable of informing her every time that she calls that the kids are being fed and they are just angling for fast food. Maybe she will eventually get tired of the charade?
Same thing for different rules. All you DH has to do is calmly tell her. My house, my rules, the kids are safe and being well taken care of. rinse, wash repeat.
Keep in mind, all she has heard so far is a kid's version and your DH has every right to correct that story.
Unfortunately, BM does exist and is going to have an interest in her kid's lives. It is likely she will want to know how and what they are doing. Trying to hide from that makes you your household look a bit guilty.
I'm in agreement that BM
I'm in agreement that BM needs to butt out - however if the BM is calling your DH and saying "why didn't you feed them,?", DH should be correcting her and tell her that indeed, they were fed.
As far as having to describe the complete meal and the portions eaten, that's a bit of a stretch.
Annnnnddd.... if the child chooses not to eat because they want to try and get fast food, that's on the child. They were fed, but chose not to eat. That's also a perfectly acceptable response.
That is what was going on
That is what was going on last year and is still going on. We cook chicken, vegetables, roast, and DH and I make enough for us and both of the skids and they just refused to eat it because they wanted junk food like cookies, chips, lunchables etc and then went to BM trying to manipulate her and telling her that we weren't feeding them so she asked my DH what we were feeding the skids. DH told her food and she said that we should make things and buy things they like which consists of like I said a lot of processed foods, ice cream, chips and since BM doesn't cook she buys them fast food all the time so apparently the skids feel that DH and I should do the same.
She can say what she wants -
She can say what she wants - she doesn't control your groceries.
When kids get hungry enough, they WILL eat.
I just think this is so one
I just think this is so one sided because DH doesn't know what goes on inside BM's house and their daily lives so it is ok for her to know things that go on inside our house and our daily lives. BM should know that since we had the same problem last year that if the skids tell her they are not being fed again then it is just to try to get what they want. DH will then take away all phones and electronics and they can have supervised contact with BM while DH is right there. You cause chaos and unnecessary drama there is consequences for those actions.
Of course, he is always free
Of course, he is always free to start asking HER on the daily about what his kids are eating when they are with her... right? What they are doing etc..
What's good for the goose and all.
Maybe it would show her that her attempts to micromanage and know everything might be a bit frustrating?
Yes he could ask her but,
Yes he could ask her but, that is a whole other story that I do not want to get into when he asks her questions about the skids.
I will be honest, I would
I will be honest, I would much prefer daily calls from BM to my husband regarding whether the snowflakes had eaten vs involving a government entity in my home.
I know she shouldn't hound him daily. If it gets to that point, maybe dad needs to get the court to order that the parents only communicate through that "family communicator" system or something like that?
While they are at it prescribe daily phone contact times for the kids and their mother while they are at it... and times for dad to call while kid's are with their mom.
I think ultimately the kids will give up running to mom about the fast food when they don't get the desired response.
In fact, I would be perfectly ok giving the kid consequences for LYING to their mother about not being fed.
I am not talking about some huge grounding.. but "Ok Champ, since you lied to your mom by saying we weren't feeding you.. when in reality it just wasn't WHAT you wanted, you will get no dessert for the next two nights. Or you will be going to your room for the rest of the evening with no electronics or toys to think about how your actions affect others. You made your mother worry and you hurt our feelings."
Ding, Ding Ding!!! It is
Ding, Ding Ding!!! It is about control and power and mommy coming to the rescue to her offspring because DH isn't capable for taking care of those kids on his own without her. DH and BM were never married but, DH is the one that left not her.
Who left who doesn't matter
Who left who doesn't matter in the slightest when you're dealing with this kind of person...
BM was already knocking boots with someone else when she told DH she was done. He was kind throughout and didn't fight a damned thing in hopes that they could work together for the skids. She trashed his house, trashed his reputation as best she could (they're military), and has taken advantage of his kindness ever since.
All she wants is control--by whatever means necessary, which means using her kids as weapons against their dad.
*******THIS!********
*******THIS!********
Why would you want daily
Why would you want daily calls from BM? I would not able comfortable with my DH talking to BM daily. I think email communication maybe once a week to let each other know what is going on with the kids should suffice but, daily calls are a little bit excessive. The kids should be allowed to talk to BM daily at designated times and per the CO it states between 6:00 pm and 8:00 pm BM can call and talk to the skids but as far as my DH talking to BM I think not.
I didn't say I would want
I didn't say I would want them. I said I would prefer her to call daily vs actually having to deal with CPS. There is a BIG difference.
I also said if the calls get out of hand, he needs to get it ordered that they only communicate via some family communicator system vs phone etc...
Believe me, if the kid gets enough consequences for telling tales to mommy.. he will stop it. If you husband can't parent his kid and actually follow through... well, the calls will continue. Mom is only responding to her kid's cries.
More likely, Mom is making
More likely, Mom is making the skids cry and then criticizing their father for not responding correctly.
ESMOD, you seem to think that we're dealing with rational people. These people are terrorists. There is no reasoning with a terrorist.
That is very true. The calls
That is very true. The calls and texts have minimized only because DH has been ignoring them and as it goes you can't argue with yourself so BM has given up for awhile but, starting next week when the skids are with the babysitter I have a feeling that it will start up again.
Can the babysitter block BM's
Can the babysitter block BM's number?
The babysitter will not have
The babysitter will not have BM's phone # and BM will not have the babysitter's phone #. If BM has concerns then she can contact DH after work. I am not going to have BM harassing my family as well.
I actually might be ok with
I actually might be ok with the babysitter having BM's number for an emergency if she couldn't get a hold of their father.
Now, by emergency I am not talking that the child starts crying for "mommy". I am talking that the kid has just torn his arm open and it's spurting blood and the ambulance is on the way.... AND dad was tried and couldn't be reached. (or such similar life or death serious accident... not just that the little boy skinned his knee and has a boo boo)
Then, I think it's absolutely ok and necessary for BM to be contacted.
I don't see a need for BM to have the babysitter's number though... only one way contact in an emergency.. and only if the father can't be reached as he should ideally be contacting BM himself.
No.. tbh, my DH's EX is very
No.. tbh, my DH's EX is very much in the terrorist category.
I can't count on my fingers and toes all the times she would threaten to "take him to court". She falsified doctor's notes so her younger girl could participate in a cheer competition against dr's orders. She threatened to take him back to court AFTER the girls aged out of CS if he didn't pay for HER health insurance. She wanted spousal support over 15 years after they divorced! We all had our share of her calls that all started out with the word "Look, I'm not trying to be difficult but....". The constant demands that he give her money for whatever "need" she could drum up from Christmas presents to spending money for vacations with her to gas money if he wanted to get the girls for the weekend. Yeah, I even had to deal with her jumping my crap because I helped to straighten out an unexcused absence issue that was going to keep one girl from moving to the next grade because mommy was too lazy to make sure the absences were excused. I get it, BM's can be evil, vindictive and a complete POS. However, if the kids are running to her with supposed mistreatment, you bet that mom is going to not just sit there and ignore it. I guess i just took it as part of what people have to deal with. There WAS a reason why he divorced her.. she was crazy.
Instead of letting it bother me, my thought is why should it? We know we are feeding and caring for the girls appropriately right? It's only control if we change our behavior to suit her.. ie go to get fast food. If we don't.. she hasn't "won" and neither has the kid. I would just seriously laugh about her attempts.
Our BM likes to remain in
Our BM likes to remain in full control of the skids at all times. She and her husband would text the skids morning to night, never allowing them to be fully away.
They pump for information each visit (EOWE 4 days), and would love the ability to see into our house so that she could better criticize and/or take us to court.
It's sick and dysfunctional.
Yeah that is how BM over here
Yeah that is how BM over here is as well nengooseus. Whenever the skids stay for an extended time like summer for instance she is texting and calling all day long. One time last summer she called my DH at midnight on his cell phone and woke both of us up out of a dead sleep because OSS texted her because YSS wouldn't give him his laptop back. This does not constitute as an emergency and DH told her just that. But, I fear that she will be trying to insert herself again this summer with wanting to know everything about her precious babies.
It's so gross! I honestly
It's so gross!
I honestly don't understand these women... I'm a BM, too, and I worry about DD when she's with her dad, but he's a grown man (sort of) and I have raised DD to be fiercely independent, to boot, so I know she's OK, even if I don't talk to her (which I don't when she's with her dad).
What will these snowflakes do when they hit the real world and mommy's not there to make sure they drink their milk or get their laptop?
We have had lots of problems
We have had lots of problems with BM trying to interfere in our house during DH's parenting time. As a result, we don't allow any of BM's electronics in our house. She has tried to send a cell phone, a Kindle, FitBits (for a 7 year old!), and a camera. Each time, she is told that we will not be responsible for them, and that if she wants them safe guarded, she should not send them or we will drop them off.
Skids are not allowed to access e-mail without DH present. My skids are not old enough for social media. I check internet history for SD12. We have punished SD for violating our rules relating to devices. DH is completely responsible for SS7.
So I am thinking that DH
So I am thinking that DH should let them have limited time when he is home on the laptops and cell phones and if they want to call BM they can call her on DH's phone when he gets home from work. We have every right to take away things that invade our privacy in our home.
Yep.
Yep.
What WOB said!!!
What WOB said!!!
Just wanted to add, keep the
Just wanted to add, keep the phones locked up at your home somewhere or have your DH take them with him to work. BM could use them to track wherever the kids are going. I saw it suggested to a BM on another site.
Why would a BM track where
Why would a BM track where the skids are going? What is the point of that? I don't get it?
If they carry in any bags or
If they carry in any bags or backpacks, ad should probably look through them. You know, in a being helpful sort of way as in assisting them unpack. *Pulls out three bags of donut holes, four boxes of poptarts, two giant bags of candy, a case of soda*
I am sorry Maxwell I disagree
I am sorry Maxwell I disagree with locking the phones UP at dads house.
The phones should stay in the owners hands ie MOM
Have you ever been accused of stealing kids phones? Have you ever been accused of breaking or throwing out a kids phone? Until your dragged thru the mud for months on end because a parent is hell bent on causing drama. it is then and only then would you realize locking the kids phones UP at dear old dads house that their mom gave them is NOT going to work. Do NOT take ownership by accepting them into your home if you don't want them there.
Stop the crap before it happens. BM the kids are not having their phones from you. You can call IF you want to talk to the child on Monday and Thursdays anytime between 7 and 8pm IF we are buy they will call you back.
I might add: IF you don't like my offer, consider this my forfeit of summer parenting time. I don't need this junk anymore.
**my x and I would never have a problem like this because we actually respected each other homes and new spouses AND the parent/child relationship**OP's dh's x sound like she is unwilling to co-parent.
I would also make sure than
I would also make sure than any GPS/tracking software is turned OFF on the skids phones. Then turn the software back on when they return to the "mothership."