This brings me to another conclusion...
This brings me to another conclusion if my DH can give up his weekend because BM asked then why can't he do the same for me? BM had texted a few weeks back and asked DH if he could give up his weekend so that the skids could spend time with GU grandma. DH was fine with it but, cannot says that he doesn't want to give up time with his kids when I asked him. I told him maybe he should just be with her again after all the skids would be happy. I mean he supposedly did stay with BM for 12 years only because he wanted to keep his kids happy.
- tankh21's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Hmmm, you know, I never
Hmmm, you know, I never thought of that but my SO does the same thing. Will never rearrange his SD time or give up SD time for us but if BM wants to make a change no problem! Crap, now I'm irritated! LOL!
I feel your frustration!
I said it in the other post,
I said it in the other post, but your DH giving up time to BM that weekend isn't to BM's benefit. He is doing it so his kids have a chance to interact with a family member who lives out of town. He is losing his time so that his kids get to spend family time with extended family. It's for his kids, not for her.
BM guilted him into it I know
BM guilted him into it I know that I posted about this before that she texted him and said since I gave up my time last year for spring break so the kids could see his mother it's only fair that he does the same for her. While he may have done it for the kids. I don't see what a big deal it would've been for him to ask if the kids could come on Wednesday night like another poster had said.
So...he asked the same of BM
So...he asked the same of BM last year, and even though she waited a year, she asked for the same consideration?
You know the BM in your life is hostile. You know if he asks her to switch nights, he'll be indebted to her. You know she may very well allow it, only to come up with some excuse Friday morning to need to drop the kids with him. Him not asking her for anything makes your mutual life easier.
This is part of being married to someone with a high conflict ex. You follow COs as much as humanly possible. You don't interact with the ex as much as humanly possible. You plan your life around the CO because it makes life as drama-free as it can be.
Tank, you have FAR bigger issues to work out with your DH. You're going to get into a pissing contest with him over something that he really didn't do wrong. Take him to task for the gaslighting and disrespect to you in his home, not offering the same arrangement to BM that she afforded him last year that benefits his kids at his parental detriment.
Basically, don't plan kid-free events during his COed visitation time, especially without consulting him first to see if he even thinks it's feasible or wise to ask BM to switch. This isn't his or BM's doing; it's YOURS for scheduling something non-kid friendly on kid time.
He didn't ask her at all. BM
He didn't ask her at all. BM asked my MIL if she wanted to see the skids for spring break and of course MIL said yes and then told DH that she was coming to see him and the skids. BM and MIL coordinated this then I got upset and told DH that we should've been asked as it is our house and it affects me as well. I wouldn't have cared if it was coordinated with us. I blogged about his as well but it might have been under my old screen name.
I agree with this distinction
I agree with this distinction. A better comparison of situations is where he won't give up time with his boys so they as a couple can get a head start on their trip BUT.. he will leave the kids behind with Tankh because he doesn't feel like dealing with them on his little trailer pick up excursion.
Now, if he agreed to keep the kids so that BM could go on a vacation with her BF but won't take the kids home the night before so that he and Tankh can to on a trip.. that would be more apples to apples. But, I think the other issue that comes into play is what are the consequences to him not doing something for BM vs Tankh... in general he probably feels it is more to his advantage to not stir up the hornet that is his EX and that Tankh will understand and not make him "pay".
My point is he is preaching
My point is he is preaching about how he wants to spend all this time with his kids well then he needs to do it and take them everywhere with him then.
And I agree with that. I
And I agree with that. I agreed with that in your other blog, too. However, that doesn't mean you should demand he take the kids back to BM early or deal with her in any way. And what you did is demand - if you had asked, you would have been fine with either a "yes" or "no".
“My point is he is preaching
“My point is he is preaching about how he wants to spend all this time with his kids well then he needs to do it and take them everywhere with him then.”
I totally agree. If this is how it is, then it’s an all-in situation on his part. In reading, I sense that he often cherry picks what constitutes as “spending time with his children”, as to what serves him (and even BM) at that very moment, day, or weekend in time.
You have every right to be peeved.
Feeling Placed Last
Is what you are experiencing. Its the double standard he is throwing your way. Its OK for him to leave the kids with you while he is running about, its OK for BM to ask for more time because of XYZ, but its not OK for you, his wife, to ask for an adjustment. I feel frustrated and angry for you. Its not one thing, its all the little things you give up for the sake of the skids, and you get little or nothing in return when you have plans. Not healthy, not good. It slowly eats away at your marriage and the resentment builds. I like the suggestion others have made. Start going and proceeding with plans without him. Good luck!!
Thank you Dovina you are
Thank you Dovina you are exactly right!!
Only his wants
He only cares about his own wants.
He wants to pick up the trailer by himself, doesn’t want to deal with the kids
He doesn’t want to deal with BM to change times.
He really doesn’t want to deal with his kids but doesn’t want to look bad.
He happy when kids are by him and in there room playing