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question for all you parents & step parents

sweetthing's picture

Oldest SS just turned 9 in October. His two front teeth are growing in crooked. BM has started proceedings for ss to get braces. She hates her own crooked teeth. Now, I had braces as a kid and I didn't get them till Jr high. Isn't 9 kind of young?? He still has additional teeth to loose & come in. I told DH you have to talk to her & see if she has gotten an estimate of what this is costing. We pay for the insurance & then are expected to pay for 1/2 the cost. I also told hime he has to make sure she has precerted with Delta dental or we are going to be screwed. They may have rules about when they will authorize braces based on age. DH told me to ask her since I am more experianced with the subject. I get along well enough but let's face it he is not my kid. I only get to love him & pay for things. I don't nor does DH get to make the decisions.
Any thoughts ?

Comments

Hesitant's picture

Is also supposed to get braces, but his orthodontist said that no kid should be expected to wear braces until ALL of their baby teeth are gone, which at 9 years old usually they are not. If you are paying half the bill, I would suggest getting a 2nd opinion on whether or not your SS really needs braces. Just my opinion...

sweetthing's picture

This is my thoughts too. I remember having to wait because not all my teeth had fallen out & come back in.

BTW I am not some cheap step mother, but sometimes bio mom tries to relive her childhood through the kids.

I want this boy to have a beautiful smile, but we have to do things in the right process.

Anne 8102's picture

...is likely going to need braces, as well, but there's not a thing that can be done until his baby teeth are all out and the adult teeth are all in. He still has a few to go, but we are making him an appointment with an orthodontist in the next couple of months or so just to get prepared and find out how this will all play out. Now, I had a neighbor who had a daughter who started out young with retainers first to make space for her adult teeth to come in and then had the braces on by 5th grade. I think a lot depends upon the severity of the problem and whether the problem is minor enough to do a little preventative space-making with retainers so as to avoid braces altogether. I'd probably go ahead and make an appointment, just to get an idea of what the future shall hold for this little guy and his teeth. That way, you have plenty of time to plan for the financial hit. And in our case, if one parent chooses to use a provider that doesn't take the insurance, then that parent has to pay the full amount. I also think there's a difference between "medically necessary" and "the other parent wants it done now." I want my children to have fabulous teeth, too, but if we have to wait six months or a year to be able to afford it, well, that's what we have to do. But when the skids needed braces, we didn't even know about it until they were already on the teeth and we were getting a bill. (Fortunately, she didn't use a provider covered by the insurance, so she got stuck with the bill, after all.)

~ Anne ~

OldTimer's picture

mine had the spacers in for about 6 months too before they started, then they only put brackets on the top 4 front teeth, then about 3 months later, they put brackets on the bottom 4 front teeth. Then it was about 3 months (I think) when they put brackets on one or two of the back top teeth, leaving the middle open, because he didn't have any teeth there. It was 6 months from that, that they decided to put brackets on the bottom back teeth, and he still had one baby tooth on the bottom that they were watching. It finally came out a few months ago, and they put on the rest of the brackets after that.

Enuffsenuff's picture

The dentist said she will need braces--later. As in when all baby teeth are gone and the adult teeth in--her mounth is too small for all her teeth and they are crowding as they come in. However my sister who had braces had to have space maintainers in quite a while before she actually got braces--in order to get her teeth ready. I would definately check into it before handing out any funds.

Alisha

happy's picture

I agree 9 I think is a little young. He is to young to remember to brush his teeth now let alone have braces and take care of them. I only know I have two kids around that age. SO I think with you that she should wait till he comprehends taking care of them.

OldTimer's picture

but the fact is that we just have to stay on top of it. Stress that you have braces now, and you need to take care of them, otherwise they will look like this... pull out a picture of rotting teeth.

We also use a timer so that way, he knows how long to brush his teeth for, and we also spot check his teeth, show him what to look for, what you shouldn't do. It is a lot of work at first, but it does pay off once they get the routine down.

OldTimer's picture

my SS got his at 9 too. Reason is that he had a HORRIBLE over bite that affected his jaw.

The other thing is that everyone is different. There is also some new techniques and trends happening with orthodontics, and studies show that if you start to do the process while the new teeth grow, it is easier and faster than waiting for the bone to start to harden. So a lot of orthodontics are moving to doing serious work at an earlier age while the jawbone is still soft. The actual moving of the teeth is faster, but wearing a retainer will be longer, or throughout the teen years to keep them inline until the jaw starts to harden.

Again, if it is recommended that a child start orthodontics earlier, they probably have a just cause for it.

What they will do is work around the baby teeth. They will start with just the front teeth, (but it all depends on the individual's needs) then later down the road, put brackets on the back teeth, rather than the whole shebang, and work around those baby teeth until they come out on their own.

The other thing is that our BM pushed for braces too, but I thought he was too young also. My mother works for dentists, and so I thought I had a pretty good idea, until I spoke with my mother. Things are changing now. A lot of research has been going on in orthodontics.

And the other thing we did was have the orthodontist office bill separately. We wanted to make sure that BM was paying half of it, because we couldn't afford it, and we made that point very loud and clear in the office, over the phone, in writing with BM. She agreed she would be responsible for 1/2 of the payment. We don't actually have to pay anything, because the office is billing our insurance which is waaaayyyyy better than the insurance she was covering, plus we have another set of insurance called a piggyback, that takes care of the rest of any unpaid amount... while BM's portion was ran through her insurance and she was responsible for paying what ever was left on her end... turns out that she no longer is working, and guess what... doesn't have insurance anymore... but the office KNOWS, it's all in writing, that we are not responsible for that portion of the braces, and they can not come after us for it... they go after her. In fact, for months, the office manager has been trying to get a hold of BM, verifies with us the info they have on file for BM, but BM won't contact them or return their calls... nice huh?

So, what I would do is find an orthodontic in your area, speak to them about it, and have the experts decide. Wink

Dawn-Moderator's picture

His dentist told us when it was time to go and take him to an orthodontist. He is 11 now but still has some baby teeth so the orthodontist said to wait. He has gone in for observations just to see where his teeth were at. He also had to get a retainer for about 6 months to keep his teeth from rubbing together wrong while he waits for all of his baby teeth to fall out.
Our orthodontist did say that some orthos will put braces on a kid before they have lost all of their baby teeth and then they have to get them again later on down the line.
So, I would say that until his baby teeth are out, braces wouldn't make sense.

Dawn

sweetthing's picture

This is after he had told her no about the evil brothers sons first communion earlier. We never got to the money part. DH asked her if they had precertified this with our insurance. See we pay for the insurance & we have to pay 1/2 the expense. ( This in addition to her 750 a month, 1/3 day care & 1/2 of whatever activities she signs them up for, although that is ending as of this year.) It kills me because she makes twice what DH makes and then cries poor. My poor DH had to get a roomate before we were married because he was so strapped.
Anyhow, she says that the dentist referred him to the ortho so she is sure insurance will covered & that they precerted last year. I used to work for insurance company so I told her I believed that precerts only last for so long so she needs to make sure that they don't need to do so again for the new calander year. I told her lets face it insurance companies are all about NOT paying out money if they can help it. She seemed okay with that.

DH said he could tell that she didn't like us telling her how to do things, but he is the father. If they were stilll married they would have to discuss this, she would not get the right to make the soul decisions. ( SHe has a hrad time remembering it's Joint Custody, not Mommy Custody)
I grew up poor & needed braces. My dad built a basement in exchange for our dentist. Step son definitely does need braces eventually & I want him to have a great smile. I feel it is sooo important to feel confident, even as a child. I just feel if you are expecting us to fork out money in addition to everything else, then we NEED to know how much & when.

anon step parent's picture

Facts: bio custodian parent is primary, custodial step parent has secondary...bio non custodial parent carries no insurance...

Kids get braces...

Insurance pays $1K towards braces from primary and 1K towards braces from secondary (secondary carried by custodial step parent).

Parents pay uninsured expenses 40(non custodial)/60(custodial).

For example

Braces 5,000
Primary pays 1,000

uninsured expenses after primary is 4,000

Since the custodial step parent is not required to carry insurance, and does so voluntarily, is the Step parent able to use their full benefit of $1,000 by having the balance equated without their secondary insurance included?

For example:

Parents split the $4,000 40/60 (custodial pays $1,600/non custodial pays $2,400)

$5,000 expense
1,000 primary pays
2,400 non custodial pays
1,000 secondary pays
600 custodial and step parent pays

dpowers's picture

is what i was told my daughter is 10 and she also needs braces but they will not do it til shes 12.

Sita Tara's picture

And does need braces. After the custody case we can't afford a 300 buck a month payment, even with BM's 365 CS that has been coming in. We have Delta as well, they will pay 2000 according to the orthodontist we went to. BUT...that leaves 2000-3000 more. BM is required to pay 30 percent of out of pocket expenses, but b/c we have fought her on every little thing for so long, DH never made her do it before.

SO....BM has been harassing us about not getting SD's teeth that BM says, "Look TERRIBLE" fixed. BM is demanding we get SD to an oral surgeon to remove two baby teeth (top canines) that are not coming out on their own and have therefore blocked the adult ones, making them come in super high. The OD told us not to do any oral surgery until bands are on so that they can drop the teeth down where they belong quickly and before it heals all the way. This makes sense to me.

SD and BM are going nuts over getting this started asap.

Then...DH reminded BM that she needed to pay thirty percent. She claimed he was making that up. He told her to contact her attorney if she didn't get a copy of the agreement yet. She hung up. And no mention of braces since.

In my book your kid gets braces if and when you can afford them. Just like we did. DH didn't get braces until he was 18 and the army paid for them.

Peace, love, and red wine

steppie1999's picture

At least you get to love SK's...I'm not allowed, by BM. Oh she says she wants me to (in writing in case anyone's reading it) but she proves different by her actions. I'm only here to wait on them hand and foot and contribute $$$$$$$$$$$$$!!!
Sorry, bitter today.
My SD12 was just put in braces 6 weeks ago, without DH's consent (they have joint parenting agreement), in fact we told BM we're not paying for them, firstly because her teeth are barely out of line and secondly SD didn't want them either. We had "negotiations" about the braces for a couple months before BM went ahead and got them for SD.
DH is responsible for 1/2 unpaid dental, but not orthodontia specifically. Now this may be splitting hairs but in the case of BM it has to be done....give an inch take a mile kind of thing.

Hope your SS doesn't have to go through the pain and hassle of braces if he doesn't need to.

"I prefer my life STRESS FREE...When you're STRESSIN'...You're STRESSIN' me"

sweetthing's picture

SS has had on the braces for amlost a year & should be getting them off this spring. I have to say his teeth look really good. ( apparently there is some chance he may need additional work down the road )

Thanks god her was on our insurance as they are now on their mothers's & hers is awful ( long story their on why they switched) When next year rolls around they are going back on ours no matter what their mother thinks.. althought I am pretty sure she will be agreeable.

DH 's decree mentions health & dental not ortho as well. I agree that braces should happen when you can afford them just as if DH & BM were married or as it was when I was a kid.

As pissed as I was about this situation I am glad that he got the braces. His teeth were awful looking. it probably would have gotten better as his mouth grew to accomidate them but I am also sure it would have opened the door for people to tease him.

I will always dislike BM & somedays I don't like DH or the kids, but SS's teeth look really great and I am glad that I forked over my money. I know that it was the right thing to do now.