Super pi $$ed
So I have full physical custody and we share joint legal just to set the stage. My bs now 10 has seen a therapist off and on for three years as he is emotional and was struggling to control his emotions and it created behavior issues mostly around bed time. His major flare ups have almost always happened when my ex who has documented mental health issues has been pulling shannanagans. He only sees bs eoweekend and his holidays and despite agreeing to it in the divorce has them caught for more time even though he moved 40 minutes away and is too lazy to take the Wed night that he wanted before.
He has convinced himself and his newest therapist he only suffers from social anxiety ( like his new wife) and has decided that bs does as well. They were concerned because bs acted up at am adults only event they went to and wanted to take him to his therapist. I said no, but they could call and talk with bs therapist or email her and she would work with them and bs...tbey didn't. I spoke with her about it because it really is something he needs to and has been working on.
Bs was on vacation with his dad for a week last week. Bs confessed to me last night that he went with ex and saw his dad's adult therapist. He told me what happens in that room stays in that room. He has begged me to not say anythingto him about it.
He has no legal right to do that. He went with us to be initial appointment 3 years ago and told me I could deal with it and refused to come back. I don't discuss the appointments anymore other than the last one because of that.
He has threatened me now since March that he is going to take me back because he wants all summer so that he gets his time because he is too lazy to drive across town duringthe week. He moved knowing I was where we lived when we were married. I think he is too lazy to do it and I have tried to give him more time to shut him up and he just igmoes it.
I want so badly to confront him aboutthe appointment. I said no and asked him once again to participate withbwith Bs therapist. He is such a manipulative liar and has created in true stories about so many people.
I am not sure how to handle this one.
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According to the decree we
According to the decree we have to tell each other if we take him to the dr... He has not.
How was it payed for? Through
How was it payed for? Through insurance?
He won't get all summer
He won't get all summer because the judge will ask "Why are you not taking your full visitation" And Ex will need to explain why he refuses to use Wednesday nights.
Even when MY DH and BM lived over an hour apart-he still made the time for the kids. There's no excuses.
As far as the therapy issue-find out if insurance is paying for it and take him to court for contempt.
I would have an issue with my child seeing a dr/therapist behind my back.
Can you contact his current
Can you contact his current therapist and ask her for her opinion? I doubt she will have a problem contacting the other therapist in the name of ensuring that BS is not being given conflicting 'homework' or that the two therapies are not opposites. Don't phrase it as 'I am pissed and want you to make him stop seeing that other therapist'. Make it about working in harmony for BS's best interest. If nothing else, his current therapist may be able to see if the other therapist is working with the full knowledge of BS's background. And she may say to let him continue seeing the other therapist, but you may want to mention that you are concerned that your ex is pushing his own diagnosis on BS, and it you are worried it may hurt BS in the long run.
You stated he has joint legal
You stated he has joint legal custody which does mean he has the legal right to take the child to a therapist. HOWEVER since the child is already seeing one and has been for years then your partner might be legally responsible for covering all cost of the new therapist since I'm pretty sure insurance wouldn't want to pay for two different ones if there is no need.
You might be able to get him on the fact he hasn't told you but then again it's going to be how the CO is worded AND he could claim he was worried you would restrict him from taking the child. He does have the right to seek an alternative therapist if he feels the first one isn't helping the child BUT you need to get in contact with the new one and let them know what's going on.
Yes what happens in the room is privet UNLESS the child talks about being harmed, harming himself or another. A therapist must disclose that information to the appropriate source such as CPS.
Let him take you back to court. There's not much you can do to stop him but you can present your case. He has time that he isn't using and doesn't have a reason for not such as being at work during that time. You have shown that you take care of the child's needs. The judge may still decide to let him have more time in the summer since a child needs a solid relationship with both parents and right now you do have considerably more time. It all depends on what case your ex presents.
Again he does have the legal right to take the kid to a different therapist. You said it yourself, you have JOINT legal custody. As you said you don't want to let him but you have no right to stop him if it's during his time, it's not harming the child, and he's covering the additional cost. Make sure both therapist know what's going on.
Yes joint legal but we have
Yes joint legal but we have to confer with the other parent...which I did and he purposely didn't. I pay all insurance and medical because it is not worth it to go after him for his 40 %.
He wants to project his issues on b.s is my feeling.
As to the extra time it is not in our decree it is me trying to accommodate him, it just isn't exactly what he demanded.
Amazing how some parents
Amazing how some parents demand more time yet don't use visitation time they do have!
If DS is only on your
If DS is only on your insurance, shouldn't the unauthorized visit show up on your portal? If so then you have the evidence that he is not following the CO.
I suggest you ask BS's
I suggest you ask BS's therapist, or maybe a lawyer, to contact your ex's therapist and ask for a written report. Who knows? BS's therapist might get some information or insight into your ex and into the relationship BS has with him.
BS shouldn't feel like he has to keep secrets. Secrets are for fun surprises, not for anything that makes you feel bad inside. And it's always ok to tell someone he trusts a secret, even if he promised not to tell. An emotional kid, a manipulative father, and secrets. Recipe for disaster!
I'd skip engaging with ex on this topic. He's just toxic. Hopefully you can give BS good guidance and support for dealing with him, including letting him know that he did the right thing to tell you.
Also, confronting your ex will just get him angry at BS for telling. Your ex doesn't need to know you know.
I am surprised the therapist
I am surprised the therapist saw him without your express consent. The number of times I see people on here complaining they can't take a step kid to a therapist because the ex disagrees would suggest that most check that both parents consent or thatnpatent has sole legal custody.
If you can find out which therapist saw him and then complain to them that they did it without your consent, I think that would be more effective than complaining to your ex.
So unless I see something go
So unless I see something go through my insurance I have no idea who they saw. I suspect he combined it with his bi weekly visit. Bs does not want to discuss further and I don't want to betray or press.
I did discuss with bs' s therapist when ex originally asked and she did not think it was a good idea. She really doesn't feel more time with dad is a great idea. She has met my ex and wAtched him have a melt down and in front of bs go off on me and lie about how I had him arrested to better serve me in the divorce. That is not the case I did not press charges the police made the decision to arrest him and he was horribly abusive and out of control at the end.
He has told this lie about me to so many women when he was dating that he believes it.
Not every therapist asks for
Not every therapist asks for other parents consent. My DD saw a therapist in high school (she was a minor). No one asked my ex's consent. He did not mind. My ex trusted that I know best about education/health related needs so he was fine. But no one asked. I made an appointment and DD went.
So apparently the therapist
So apparently the therapist asked bs10 if he wanted to spend more time with his dad. I suspect that was the whole point of that visit. Bs told her he did not feel comfortable answering that question.
I have made the man a very fair offer of additional time outside of what we both agreed to during the divorce. He moved to the other side of town not caring if it affected him being able to see his son more easily during the week. I am offering dinner during the week and 4 day weekends in the summer and during non school days and splitting winter and spring break and 2 weeks of vacation verses the 1 week he requested.
He wants either all summer or 3 weekends a month. I am not going to say yes to that so he can let the kid play video games all day long 3 weekends a month and all summer. The distance he moved is what I commute to work each day. Why should our son's life be screwed up because yet again he is lazy.
It is all about bullying and control.