I’ve been off the site for the last week keeping busy with work and school. You know living the dream.
A couple of questions for all:
Last weekend I came home from work (it was late) and noticed the overpowering smell of my perfume in the bathroom (not that it’s overpowering just that it hit you first thing upon walking in, as though someone had sprayed a great deal of it). The following morning I got up and noticed it again. I got ready for work and told him and his daughter goodbye. That night after he had dropped her off and I got home, I asked him if he noticed whether his daughter had used my perfume. He said he thought she had used it but as he hadn’t caught her in the act, he didn’t say anything. He told me he thinks she is on the cusp of being a tomboy and trying to grow up (and perhaps a bit shy of wanting or asking for girly things). We discussed the issue further and decided that should she do it again then he will to talk to her about asking me prior to using my things (at this point I feel correcting her after the fact would be counterproductive), he did agree that her being shy was not an excuse not to ask permission (baby steps right?) and in the future will make sure to correct the situation on the spot. I think she is just getting to an age when she wants something that smells pretty and suggested that he and she go and pick her up something nice from bath and body works, that’s just for her. He likes the idea, but thinks that it should be she and I for some bonding time. What are your thoughts? Would this be one of those StepGF oversteps?
On another note it seems that baby fever has hit many of us recently. I had a discussion with BF this last week about it in fact. I’m 31 years old and he knew going into the relationship that having a child is a deal breaker for me. I think he would be a wonderful father (judging by how he is with his daughter) and I do want to be a mother. Our problem seems to be timeline issues. I know that there is no good time to have a child; I’m currently looking down the shotgun of student loans and grad school. He knows this and fully supports my college decisions. Thing is if we wait till I’m done with grad school I’ll be 35 (I graduate this fall and then start grad school fall of 2014), then there will be a couple of years of intense work, I don’t want to start trying at 38. BF understands this, and we have decided (provided everything is going well) to start trying at the earliest this fall, the latest next spring. It’s wonderful and I’m happy that he is as supportive as he is as well as thrilled to start a family with him. My worry? I’m going to be considered high risk because I’ve had a missed miscarriage in the past. It terrifies me. I know some of you have had miscarriages, does the fear go away? I can’t imagine the hurt that I felt at the loss of my pregnancy two years ago. That love for someone I never met still haunts me, does it get worse when they are outside and running around with a piece of your heart?
Thank you for the comment...I think , once we get to that point the ultrasound will be nerve racking. It was my first ultrasound that showed there wasnt a heartbeat, but as you say it is common to miscarry.
I lost a baby. It was 4 yrs until DD showed up. I was a wreck for the first 2 months and once I let myself relax I enjoyed being pregnant. I still get sad occasionally. I am thankful I have her.
I'm sorry...I don't think anyone understands until it happens to them. One of my girlfriends told me "well, at least you know you can get pregnant" after it happened. Was it worse for you before you had your daughter?
In my experience, no, the fear never goes away. EVER. You never have that blissfully naïve joy of pregnancy. Every little twinge, every little ache, every time you sneeze, every time you feel bad you think something is wrong, but then when you feel good, you think something is wrong because you feel good and are not sick. For me it was torturous worry. Having said that, since you have experienced loss, if you think that you can emotionally take on the uncertainty for 40 weeks, if you think you want a child enough to try risks and all, then do it. It is a very personal decision to make. I had a friend tell me the same thing as well on the "at least you can get pregnant" comment. She has struggled with infertility for years, is the same age as me, and I feel terrible for her.
Thanks for your advice Fedup, the girlfriend in question has never had fertility issues and maybe that's why her comment stung so bad. Did you only have one bio? I think in Bf's and I situation that is going to be the likely scenario for us, and in that case I think I can deal with the uncertainty for the duration of a pregnacny ( I hope).
I agree with Fedup. It really is torture - at least that's how it was for me. The time between doctor's visits are the worse because you worry about every little thing that you perceive to be happening. I think it gets a little better when you start to feel the baby move consistently. But God forbid that child sleep for a while - then you start to wonder why the baby isn't moving and you do everything in you power to wake him or you want to go to the doctor immediately. It's worth it though. When they put that little baby in your arms, it's the most joy you will feel in your life.
I tried to talk myself up before I got pregnant again (this time), but I'm still paranoid about everything. I'm really looking forward to a solid kick or my next appointment, whichever comes sooner.
If it's something that you really want, go for it.
Thanks echo, I don't want to make waves with BM...I do try dealing with the fear. And my brain understands that miscarriage is common. I appreciate your take on things.
Comments
I’ve been off the site for
I’ve been off the site for the last week keeping busy with work and school. You know living the dream.
A couple of questions for all:
Last weekend I came home from work (it was late) and noticed the overpowering smell of my perfume in the bathroom (not that it’s overpowering just that it hit you first thing upon walking in, as though someone had sprayed a great deal of it). The following morning I got up and noticed it again. I got ready for work and told him and his daughter goodbye. That night after he had dropped her off and I got home, I asked him if he noticed whether his daughter had used my perfume. He said he thought she had used it but as he hadn’t caught her in the act, he didn’t say anything. He told me he thinks she is on the cusp of being a tomboy and trying to grow up (and perhaps a bit shy of wanting or asking for girly things). We discussed the issue further and decided that should she do it again then he will to talk to her about asking me prior to using my things (at this point I feel correcting her after the fact would be counterproductive), he did agree that her being shy was not an excuse not to ask permission (baby steps right?) and in the future will make sure to correct the situation on the spot. I think she is just getting to an age when she wants something that smells pretty and suggested that he and she go and pick her up something nice from bath and body works, that’s just for her. He likes the idea, but thinks that it should be she and I for some bonding time. What are your thoughts? Would this be one of those StepGF oversteps?
On another note it seems that baby fever has hit many of us recently. I had a discussion with BF this last week about it in fact. I’m 31 years old and he knew going into the relationship that having a child is a deal breaker for me. I think he would be a wonderful father (judging by how he is with his daughter) and I do want to be a mother. Our problem seems to be timeline issues. I know that there is no good time to have a child; I’m currently looking down the shotgun of student loans and grad school. He knows this and fully supports my college decisions. Thing is if we wait till I’m done with grad school I’ll be 35 (I graduate this fall and then start grad school fall of 2014), then there will be a couple of years of intense work, I don’t want to start trying at 38. BF understands this, and we have decided (provided everything is going well) to start trying at the earliest this fall, the latest next spring. It’s wonderful and I’m happy that he is as supportive as he is as well as thrilled to start a family with him. My worry? I’m going to be considered high risk because I’ve had a missed miscarriage in the past. It terrifies me. I know some of you have had miscarriages, does the fear go away? I can’t imagine the hurt that I felt at the loss of my pregnancy two years ago. That love for someone I never met still haunts me, does it get worse when they are outside and running around with a piece of your heart?
Thank you for the comment...I
Thank you for the comment...I think , once we get to that point the ultrasound will be nerve racking. It was my first ultrasound that showed there wasnt a heartbeat, but as you say it is common to miscarry.
I lost a baby. It was 4 yrs
I lost a baby. It was 4 yrs until DD showed up. I was a wreck for the first 2 months and once I let myself relax I enjoyed being pregnant. I still get sad occasionally. I am thankful I have her.
I'm sorry...I don't think
I'm sorry...I don't think anyone understands until it happens to them. One of my girlfriends told me "well, at least you know you can get pregnant" after it happened. Was it worse for you before you had your daughter?
In my experience, no, the
In my experience, no, the fear never goes away. EVER. You never have that blissfully naïve joy of pregnancy. Every little twinge, every little ache, every time you sneeze, every time you feel bad you think something is wrong, but then when you feel good, you think something is wrong because you feel good and are not sick. For me it was torturous worry. Having said that, since you have experienced loss, if you think that you can emotionally take on the uncertainty for 40 weeks, if you think you want a child enough to try risks and all, then do it. It is a very personal decision to make. I had a friend tell me the same thing as well on the "at least you can get pregnant" comment. She has struggled with infertility for years, is the same age as me, and I feel terrible for her.
Thanks for your advice Fedup,
Thanks for your advice Fedup, the girlfriend in question has never had fertility issues and maybe that's why her comment stung so bad. Did you only have one bio? I think in Bf's and I situation that is going to be the likely scenario for us, and in that case I think I can deal with the uncertainty for the duration of a pregnacny ( I hope).
I will PM you.
I will PM you.
I agree with Fedup. It really
I agree with Fedup. It really is torture - at least that's how it was for me. The time between doctor's visits are the worse because you worry about every little thing that you perceive to be happening. I think it gets a little better when you start to feel the baby move consistently. But God forbid that child sleep for a while - then you start to wonder why the baby isn't moving and you do everything in you power to wake him or you want to go to the doctor immediately. It's worth it though. When they put that little baby in your arms, it's the most joy you will feel in your life.
I tried to talk myself up before I got pregnant again (this time), but I'm still paranoid about everything. I'm really looking forward to a solid kick or my next appointment, whichever comes sooner.
If it's something that you really want, go for it.
Thanks echo, I don't want to
Thanks echo, I don't want to make waves with BM...I do try dealing with the fear. And my brain understands that miscarriage is common. I appreciate your take on things.
Thanks Cheri, I hope BM
Thanks Cheri, I hope BM thinks so as well