Definitely what sueu2 said. If you're in a state that has "Five Wishes", that would handle the power of attorney/proxy quickly as long as you get it filled out, signed and witnessed and submitted to a doctor's office.

ETA: As long as you both discuss what he would like (such as life support, EOL care, etc.), there's not much need for a living will as long as he has you acting as a proxy/POA.

It's difficult to say as I have no legal expertise in these sorts of matters and I have only just recently studied wills, living wills, POAs/Proxies in a course I am taking at school. So, hopefully there are others on here who can chime in and throw in their advice, too.

How much does the Ex know about the state laws of inheritance? From what I understand, and this applies to those who pass away inestate (without a will), in community-property states, any community property goes to the surviving spouse whereas in separate property states, the estate is generally divided between the surviving spouse and any children. (1 child = 50/50 split, 2 children = 1/3 to spouse, 2/3 to children, etc.). Inestate laws only exist when people don't have wills, so, this might not even be relevant (as I said, my knowledge on this is slim) to your case if DH gets a will. Of course, if you live in a community property state, it could ease a little stress to know that you, as the surviving spouse, will definitely inherit the house as it is part of his estate if something prevents the will from going through in time for the surgery.

I am willing to bet that if she is sniffing around already that she'll likely try to contest anything you have no matter how legal or binding it really is. And, I have come to learn that judges don't often care about "fairness" in the contest of wills. So I'm going to assume that she'll be wasting time and money in doing so because contesting a will usually means that someone thinks the testator of the will was under undue influence or not in their right mind when they made the will. Also, if she's not in the will and doesn't stand to inherit from your DH, then, she can't personally contest the will. I'm just not sure if she can contest on behalf of the kids. Anyone else know this?

Definitely get a POA/Proxy.

It's the same thing, but, Five Wishes is just simplified, and, also lets you outline the kind of end-stage treatment you would like to receive socially in addition to medically as well as how you would like your body handled upon passing. And make sure you keep a copy of it handy so that you can defend your DH's wishes as it comes to medical care should he be unable to speak for himself.

Lawyers can easily help with that. And can help you with the questions pertaining to his will, what to do about the house, and everything else as far as inheritances go.

Hopefully none of this turns out to be necessary at this time

I'll keep you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers.

ETA: I know it's all scary, but, try to talk with him as much as you can about what kind of care he would like and in what circumstances. Perhaps you can find a downloadable Five Wishes to help guide these conversations? In fact, there's an electronic copy here: http://www.agingwithdignity.org/forms/5wishes.pdf

((hugs))

I am glad that you have both talked about this because it isn't common discourse. Not many people like thinking about these kinds of things. Imagine the look of horror on my SO's face when I brought up my Five Wishes over a romantic dinner last week.

His grandma sounds pretty awesome if you ask me. Just like his wife is awesome.