Stuck in the middle

I have a SS10 with severe Oppositional Defiance Disorder and a hubby with ADD, Diabetes and I suspect anxiety issues.

We have been married for just over 4 years, with my son, who is 6, which DH adopted, and a daughter 4 who we created together.

Lately we're had money issues. His X drove him into debt, which means he's very hard to talk about with money, to the point I'm afraid to talk about our finances because I fear he will have a temper tantrum.

In the past he has swept things from the counter, jumped up and down on bread, thrown groceries hard enough to dent the wall, and put his fist through the wall many times. I've had to lie to friends and family about the patches in the house, because there are so many of them.

I know 80% of it is his diabetes mood swings, as he doesn't watch his blood sugar levels, take his meds on time or eat in the 8 hours he's at work ..

SS10 is similar in temper, screaming and yelling at me when he doesn't get what he wants. Throwing things, lately at people and physically intimidating his sister and brother.

I'm on the verge of losing it. SS10 is acting up so bad his mom has washed her hands of him, which will actually in the long run probably help. In the short term I'm dealing with two people who are incredibly stressful to live with.

My hubby complained for months about me working at one of my jobs because the house was never clean enough, we didn't have our laundry done and folded all the time etc.

I know he's right in some ways. I should have been watching our finances better - but to be fair I also told him I wasn't good at budgeting overall, and have asked him to take part, which he says he will, but never does.

I should be able to manage the household better, keep it cleaner etc.

On the other hand I feel like I've been boxed in and have no way to get out ...

Its not that I don't love them, I just don't think that I can help them ... I always wanted to be married forever, but I don't know how to deal with this. I said for better or for worse, but what happens when it's never better?

Stuckinthemiddlewithyou's blog
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Comments

Diabetic mood swings? Is that

Diabetic mood swings? Is that code for anger issues?

Why should YOU manage the household better? Why should YOU watch the finances better?

I think you are being emotionally abused.

I think you might want to

I think you might want to talk to a hotline, therapist, women's shelter or Something because he is displaying a Lot of the classic symptoms of an abuser.

Doesn't like you working - you have too much financial independence if you work.
House isn't clean enough, etc- belittling your skills as a wife and mother, excuse to try to make you quit and be dependent on him

Temper tantrums/ violence towards inanimate objects - precursor to violence against people, an intimidation tactic.

For better or worse does not mean "take abuse, cheating, and addiction". You can't make an abuser change and they Very rarely do. There is nothing you can do about that if that is your H's choice. Him behaving this way towards also means that there is basically zero chance of his kid ever learning the manage/overcome the ODD. Sorry.

I work in an Endocrine

I work in an Endocrine Specialist office. Diabetic mood swings? The only 'mood swings' should be becoming disorientated and mumbling as his B/Sgrs bottom out or spiral up as he slips into a coma.

He is a DICK. A DICK. Nothing less or more. And his son has learned how to behave by watching his dad. Can you see he is mimicking his father? Anger issues? WHo the f*** jumps up and down on a loaf of innocent bread? SERIOUSLY?

He is grooming you to be his servant with benefits. You will leave your job (and still there will not be enough money and this too will be your fault). The house will never be clean enough or enough laundry folded. You will be told you don't fold his clothes properly or put the shirts in his closet around the wrong way YOU DUMB BITCH! (sound familiar?)

Seek counselling and help. This is not the way to bring up your children with them seeing this as normal. See what it did to your S/Son? Or think of it this way... imagine this is your daughter in your place... what would you tell her?

The next time he damages the house, call the cops and get him out of there for the night. He has used the Diabetes card for an excuse for his bad behaviour for too long. Time for someone to make him accountable.

And I seriously think that his son would not be the way he is with different parents.