I think somebody has been feeding SD7 something that is sooooo wrong!!
So, the bedroom saga......again....only this time SD7 seemed to have a different understanding this weekend for some reason....and I can only assume its come from either MIL last weekend when she collected SD7 from mine (which, considering what MIL said I doubt) or BM and SS17 and such, or possibly at some point maybe OH........or maybe SD7 just has the wrong idea of what she is to expect....
It started with the bunk beds...I told both girls I had found the beds I wanted, they were wood and that they would be painted white to match BD7's other furniture (which is done the same)....BD7 was happy, SD7 wasnt...she wanted HER bed painted a different colour, one that she wanted.....I told SD7 that BOTH beds would be painted the same colour and that would be white to match......she was not happy about this, but understood what I meant by having everything matching....
So then I asked her if BM had furniture for her at home, and if it was ok.....SD7 said she had, but sometimes her drawers played up....I asked her if she wanted to take her drawers home with her to use and if they would fit in her bedroom.....again, she seemed to be under the impression that her furniture would go into BD7's room...I again told her this was not the case...she again wasnt happy but understood and asked if her dad could ask her mom as she would forget.....
Then came the wallpaper in BD7's bedroom....it was only done a few months ago...SD7 said that she wanted a different paper, and described the kind she would like....BD7 said that she didnt like the colour and they should pick another....SD7 stated that it was "her turn" to pick the paper in BD7's room (remember SD7 had her own room in my home which we allowed her to choose these things) now that she was sharing and that it would be fair as BD7 chose the last one.....now, at this point I admit I got quite narked.....I point blank made it clear that the bedroom was, is and always will be BD7s bedroom and that BD7 chose at all times the layout and the decor and that SD7 didnt have the say in that. When SD7 scowled I asked her "how would you feel if BD7 told you what you had to do in your bedroom and what colour you HAD to have in your bedroom?" where SD7 replied "but she cant cos its my bedroom!"...I simply said "exactly, and this room is BD7s bedroom"
Now I should point out that last week when the girls were told they would be sharing, SD7 was advised on all of the above and more and how all this would work and what would happen regarding her toys and furniture, and she was totally ok about it all and was actually excited about it....i cannot understand how she can be so expectant of what she sees as her "divine right"....and I know she is only 7 but this has really really annoyed me!!
Anyway, im starting the packing in SD7s room this week, so some of her things will be available for her to take home with her tomorrow (Tuesday) when she comes for tea, so Im asking OH to ask BM about the drawers and such.....im not going to be held off anymore on this so its one of those....
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To be honest, when BD7 first
To be honest, when BD7 first chose paper, it was some mad bright pink leopard print thing and I said "NO!"...so I offered choices for her and she chose from my choices anyway!! lol
the bed colour is simple...BD7 has wooden wardrobe and drawers and I painted them in white so want the bed to match...BD7 had no issue with that, she knew thats what I would have done because even at 7 she knows I like to have things matched!! lol It was SD7 that didnt want it that way, she wanted "her" part of the bed painted as "she wanted it" and that is whats bothered me.
My BD7 has always been allowed a certain degree of choice, always within reason and she knows her limits too, but I believe it allows rules and bounderies to be respected as well as encouraging the discussion and self thought and creation, and to be honest alot of her ideas of bloody better than mine!! lol
SD7 on the other hand does not have that maturity and is expectant and assumes that its all about her and her feelings...I keep her grounded but OH allows the elevation that BM creates! Its quite frustrating, but Im willing to plod on.....Im the only stable female SD7 has in her life and the only one who doesnt pander to her whim and request and Im going to be around for a long time.....
Thanks all.....I just cant
Thanks all.....I just cant help getting frustrated with her....but I thinks it the whole expectant thing thats getting to me the most....SD7 knew that the reason she had the bedroom at mine was because of her situation at that time (BM had dumped her at her nans house for 9 months and she had no space at all, so the spare room just afforded her that little bit) and her dad did explain that...well sort of! lol
I know its probably normal, but Im waiting for the "woe is me" act, which I know is due.....
I hope that you and DH were
I hope that you and DH were not expecting a 7 year old to be happy about losing her room? Of course she is going to snark about it. And then to be told that the room she is sharing is really not any part HER room. It is only your DD room and she has NO say in it at all. UGH...do you not understand where she is coming from?
Is there anyway that you can move to a little bigger house or build a small room? I know that a lot of people think that skids should be negated to a dank corner of the house since they are only there for 4 days...but I think they need to call "someplace" their own space in that house.
agreed. I woul ddecorate the
agreed.
I woul ddecorate the room a way both kids liked & that would be that. Neither would have a decision. It's your house.
Telling SD that she didn't have a room just a bunk in BD7's room is harsh. It may be what it is, but you didn't have to actually say it out loud.
It seems you are so worried about BD7's feelings that you want to beat SD7 down in front of BD7 to make her feel better.
I didnt ask BD7, nor would I
I didnt ask BD7, nor would I in front of SD7!!! I said Id found the bunk beds but they needed painted white, SD7 said she didnt want white, and I said they had to be to match BD7s existing furniture in her room......then SD7 went on about everything else.....
I think you are feeding this
I think you are feeding this drama. Just decorate the room and stop asking either one of their opinions. They are girls they will have an opinion. You are asking a girl to share a room after not having done that. She is not going to be happy regardless, so why keep trying. But, I do think you need to not give your own daughter so much power since she is sharing the room. You make the decisions and stop disclosing your decisions. Just do it.
You are doing way too much
You are doing way too much negotiation about this. You are the mother in the home just tell everybody how it is going to be. Of course SD won't be thrilled about losing her room but she will get used to it.
You can always do something that will make SD look forward to the new room e.g. take her shopping for new bedding, hang up artwork she has done etc.
Hi All.....Thanks for the
Hi All.....Thanks for the replies....
SD7 and BD7 have shared previously, but OH wouldn't hear of bunk beds at that point so BD7 had no space (and I mean that literally!)...I couldn't even get to BD7s wardrobe properly....if I hadn't had said bunk beds, then the same would be expected again.....
I thought of another reason im reluctant to afford SD7 having the choice, it is because that's what is given to her in HER OWN bedroom in her OWN HOME.....if I allowed SD7 any say in this room, where does that leave BD7? Im a great believer that a child's home is their sanctuary, and they should feel 1000% comfortable and themselves in their own home...if SD7 has the choice of a child living in my home, then the child that does live in that home isn't afforded that same choice....just because SD7 is there once a week, it don't feel it should mean she should be able to invade on the personal space of BD7....she will have her bed, her own covers, even her own wall trinkets that are around her current bed, she will still have toys etc and a couple of her pictures too...just not the choice she has in her own home.....I know that sounds harsh...as MIL said "its about not invading on BD7s space, but still making a space for SD7 to sleep when she is here"...
I obviously didn't expect it to go 100% smoothly, SD7 is losing her own space in my home....but then so is BD7, and BD7 is having to make changes to suit also..... what I did expect was that SD7s maturity had improved enough for her to understand more, and this doesn't seem the case at all....I wont do the "sugar coated" approach, I don't see the point...for me it just makes the whole process longer and more upsetting in the long run....for me, getting it all out and understood is the best thing in order to assist with the adjustment.
It will get there, again im not trying to push SD7 out, but for the first time ever ground rules and understanding need to be put into place and stuck to for a change.....and that includes my BD7s feelings being considered for once......