BM sunk to a new low...
SD7 has only been attending school for two years out of the 3 years because BM couldnt be bothered to enrole her.....I was the one that started the ball rolling and basically shopped BM in (its illegal in the UK to not be in full time school by 5 years)...anyway, she was had proper by education authority even though she tried to hide, and now SD7 is at school, behind yes, but catching up brilliantly with all the extra help she receives. Now, though, SD7 is either kept of for odd days for no reason or she is constantly late...her attendance is really poor....BM had been literally hassled left right and center to buck her ideas up, but somehow ALWAYS gets away with it....the school has contact with both me and my OH so we are kept up to date at all times....
Anyway, 3 days ago BM texts OH and says "BMsP (BMs Partner) dad has been taken ill and we need to travel to X place so he can visit his dad, can you have SD7 tonight and take her to school for all of this week and next week?"...OH was gobsmacked, and told BM it wasn't possible because he wouldn't be able to get the time off work at such short notice"...BM then said she would sort something out.....now OH was still a bit confused over what was going on, so when he collected SD7 fro tea Tuesday. he asked her what was happening....
Apparently, SD7 is stopping with us on Friday this weekend now and not Saturday as routine (so thats fine by us) then SD7 will need to be dropped off earlier than normal on Saturday as she is travelling to X place with BM and BM'sP that afternoon....(ok, that sounds ok I suppose)....and then thats it.....BM is staying in X PLace so SD7 will not be attending school! Rather than BM take her partner, drop him off then come back for work and SD7's school, BM thinks its better to stay there and avoid it all instead!!
I cannot believe that BM thinks this is ok...her partners dad cant be that ill, if its taking them 5 days to even get close to travelling down to him! If it was an emergency she would have taken him straight away...and if that was the case, he can easily get a train down!? I simply cant believe that with all the school and authority on her back she would risk this and on top of that much worse, risk her daughters education yet again!!
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It will depend on your school
It will depend on your school district, some schools are really cracking down on absence and will support the need for the child to be present. However given that its a split family situation, some schools may look the other way as they dont like to be seen to be favouring one parent above the other.
Be aware though, if SDs school attendance falls beyond a particular point it can be used as argument to change the custody arrangement.
When it comes to family illness, if BM has made it out to sound like partners father is on deaths door then the school will probably grant leeway but ultimately all you can do is report it.
BM has to provide doctors
BM has to provide doctors notes for every absence, thats how bad its got with her......the school have been on her for the entire 2 years that SD7 has been there......
Then when you report this
Then when you report this scenario to them, they should get the ball rolling with the next steps. Potentially with her being prosecuted, BUT, since BM has already asked for SD to stay with her dad and dad has said not possible Im not sure what would be deemed as a suitable solution.
Sucks for you guys though and ultimately sucks for SD, if shes behind now but catching up, this whole reinforcing education as not being important is not going to make life easy for her.
I dont see why she cant drop
I dont see why she cant drop her partner down to X Place Saturday, come back Sunday evening, do the school run then she could go back down Friday evening..........
The other thing is, BM wasnt even taking SD7 to school anyway.....her eldest son of 21/22 (my OH's ex stepson) was taking her!! SD7 told us that the a week or so ago....and prior to that SS17 was taking her..... so again, why cant she carry on with that and eldest son could drop SD7 to us for tea then we would drop her back home.....we only round the corner plus SD7's aunts from OH's side would help out too.....OH just cant TAKE her to and from school himself....
If OHs aunt would help, why
If OHs aunt would help, why wouldn't OH just say yes and then ask his own aunt for help?
Yes, she could definitely keep doing any of the things she's already doing with her sons. And with her track record I'm not bashing any decisions or belittling your frustrations with her. All of your suggestions for her make sense and school is important. I agree with others that you should let the school know and see what they do. The aunt thing just struck me as odd.
WOW. I don't know why these
WOW. I don't know why these stupid BM's keep amazing me, but they do. I for myself, can not imagine being so wrapped up in myself that I would jeopardize my child's education? And I'm continually amazed that these BM's have no respect for authority.
I guess I'm a little confused
I guess I'm a little confused as to why your OH wouldn't agree to keep SD7 if the alternative is her missing an entire week of school? Do you guys not live close to BM and SD's school? Or is it just that your OH isn't able to do the school drop-off/pick-up because of his work schedule?
Oh isnt able to drop off or
Oh isnt able to drop off or collect due to his working hours and travelling distances from to and from work. I cant, as I work and my BD7 goes to minder before and after school, and BD7s school is closer to home. SD7 lives close by, about 15 min drive, but her school is just over a mile away from her home and a touch more from my home, so I cant do it either. MIL lives about 45 mins drive away from me so she cant, and the aunts are all a 30 min plus drive away too and work themselves.....BM's side, who are all local to each other and dont work or do less hours, are all close to SD7's school...but because BM's mom takes her grandson to school, she cant take SD7 to hers....
What I didnt get was why couldnt SD7 stop at the nans like she normally does, and the eldest brother stop there like he normally does (he only at his moms to help with SD7) and he take her from there!?
I dont see why it had to be put onto OH, when it clearly needed more notice to try and get it working.....the only reason OH and family could help, was by taking her each night for a few hours and then taking SD7 back....she couldnt sleep over and such cos there is nobody to take her to and from school....thats why OH said he couldnt help....
Oh isnt able to drop off or
Oh isnt able to drop off or collect due to his working hours and travelling distances from to and from work. I cant, as I work and my BD7 goes to minder before and after school, and BD7s school is closer to home. SD7 lives close by, about 15 min drive, but her school is just over a mile away from her home and a touch more from my home, so I cant do it either. MIL lives about 45 mins drive away from me so she cant, and the aunts are all a 30 min plus drive away too and work themselves.....BM's side, who are all local to each other and dont work or do less hours, are all close to SD7's school...but because BM's mom takes her grandson to school, she cant take SD7 to hers....
What I didnt get was why couldnt SD7 stop at the nans like she normally does, and the eldest brother stop there like he normally does (he only at his moms to help with SD7) and he take her from there!?
I dont see why it had to be put onto OH, when it clearly needed more notice to try and get it working.....the only reason OH and family could help, was by taking her each night for a few hours and then taking SD7 back....she couldnt sleep over and such cos there is nobody to take her to and from school....thats why OH said he couldnt help....
Hi All, The reason OH didnt
Hi All,
The reason OH didnt say yes was because she gave us literally a couple of hours notice.....she text during the afternoon and said she was going that evening.....OH didnt have chance to get hold of anybody to ask...
If SD7 had of stayed home with her eldest brother, then it would have been easier because it could have been worked out as we went along the week, espcially as SD7 has TWO older brother, neither who work or do anything anyway, whilst everyone else works.
The other problem is, the other members ie aunts etc, are not local, so its going to take some work to get it all to blend, and on a few hours notice its not possible.