Anyone know of any?
I read the book, "Divorce Poison", & found it very helpful...not so much in solving the PAS problems in our situation, as I believe skids have fallen much too deep into it for any resolve to be possible right now. I think the only hope we have will come as they grow & experience life themselves.
I have been wanting to find a book, maybe about adults who were victims of PAS as children, where maybe it would discuss them realizing that they were PAS'd, & how they came to realize it.
Anybody know of books or aritcles I could read that would discuss something like that?
I guess perhaps I'm grasping at straws here. I'd just like to feel like there is some hope for DH to have an opportunity to repair & rebuild the relationships he had with his kids... :?
- stormabruin's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I would be very interested in
I would be very interested in this also as my DH has zero relationship with SD thanks to PAS and his relationship with SS is almost as bad - we only hear from him when he needs money or insurance stuff.
"I think it helps accept a
"I think it helps accept a situation when you understand what happened."
___________________________________________________________________
I agree 100%. It has helped DH & I both understand that there are explanations for his kids not wanting us in their lives. By no means are they good reasons, however it's nice to have something to go on rather than just the miserable hopeless feeling that we have done something terribly wrong somewhere & have caused them to hate us & turn away.
If You Had Controlling
If You Had Controlling Parents: How to Make Peace with Your Past and Take Your Place in the World
~ Dan Neuharth
Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life
~ Susan Forward
Cutting Loose: An Adult's Guide to Coming to Terms with Your Parents
~ Howard Halpern
I haven't personally read these books but I know someone who has them in her library and highly recommends them. I have read snippets of each of them, especially the "Toxic Parents" one and have sent it to someone else I know.
Look them up on Amazon and you can find them used and very inexpensive.
I considered asking them to
I considered asking them to read the books, but the second they catch on to the message, they'll just get pissed & stop reading. Then, they'll accuse me of being hateful & disrespectful toward BM, & it'll start a whole new thing. I have yet to mention an ugly thing about her to them. I will always be the bigger person between her & I, & hope that as adults they will reflect back & realize it.
I have considered sending the books to BM & asking her to read them, but she would take them to the kids & use it as "evidence" that I am the bitch she has always claimed I am.
I just hope they'll realize, one day, that they have no real reason to back up their hate & spite for me. BM has no real reason to hate/spite me. I have had no disrespectful confrontation with any of them. They just don't like that DH has a life with me. I guess BM expected DH would always put his life on hold until she decided she was ready to come back to him...again. She got her way 3 times. The 4th time bit her in the ass. I'm sure it hurts her to see him happy with someone else, but that doesn't make him any less deserving to be with someone who treats him with love, kindness, & respect. When she can treat someone that way, she'll be deserving of the same thing. Until then, she can wallow in the tears she sheds over the life she had 12 years ago.
I just really think the kids will take her side & protect her & rescue her until they are out from under her thumb & have some room to think for themselves.
*
*
Storm....I have one at home,
Storm....I have one at home, as i was a victim of PAS aas a child, and it has colored my view of relationships, etc. I had to work through YEARS of therapy just to be able to "date" anyone.
I will have to look it up and let you know....it was a great read. It was written by a psychologist who did a 25 yr study on divorce and its after affects....
no, not hate men. It was a
no, not hate men. It was a trust thing. Like all the people in my life were going to leave or something. I had ZERO trust in people, still don't have much in most people. Well, that's not entirely true, I trust people that I'm NOT in a relationship with. Friends are OK, I can trust them, but intimate relationships I still have problems with. It affected my self esteem early on.
My dad also had an affair on my mom, then married her, therefore creating the thought in my young head that all men are just going to do that. Most of the ones I picked did. All except DH. My exH swears he never did, but I don't know if I can believe that. Not that it matters now, just a thought. I don't hate men, but my mother sure did. She's still bitter on the days she remembers who she is. (she has dementia)
Does that answer your question? Not sure I really still understand all of it, so explaining it might be muddy....haha
I would very much appreciate
I would very much appreciate it. Can I ask...at what point did you realize you were, in fact, a victim of PAS?
I understand that DH's kids will struggle in many aspects of their lives because of the skewed perceptions they have due to BM's mindplay. DH & I have had many discussions about it & we have agreed that if/when they reach a point of wanting answers or discussion about why things have happened the way they have, we will be supportive & try to be as helpful as we can.
It is just a relief to know that some children do come to recognize it & really make the effort to help themselves & cope with what they have been dealt.
I checked "Divorce Poison"
I checked "Divorce Poison" out at the library & found it to be incredibly helpful to me. I read different parts to DH & suggested he read some of it. He was open to the information, however, not interested in doing any of the reading himself. He blew it off, & reached the point he was tired of me talking to him about it. DH trusted CrustyBits as well...till she convinced his son to throw a "sucker-punch" & take him to court so he wouldn't have to come for visitation.
It's hard to really be able to get into discussion with DH about any of it. If I bring it up, it's like he just automatically shuts down & doesn't want to talk anymore. I know it's depressing for him, & it's hard. It is for me too. I can't imagine the pain he must feel with everything he's gone out of his way to do for his kids & for BM. I feel for him, but I also know that a 5-year long pitty-party isn't healthy & it isn't productive.