SD 14 stole my credit card
She stole my credit card, about 2 months ago, but husband insists on still getting her Christmas presents. I just don't feel good about it and am really trying to get into the spirit, but you don't get Chrustmas presents in jail which is where she'll end up if she keeps stealing. My feelings are so hurt. Not sure if I'm being irrational. Usually I calm down after a few days of something happening, but I really have an issue with her receiving anything this year.
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She stole your card as in
She stole your card as in literally lifting it out of your wallet and using/attempting to use it. Or was it more she used your pre-entered data on online such as your account?
What were the immediate consequences handed out? Also, if you're not satisfied with the consequences thus far, how much additional and for how long do you recommend her father implement? Lastly, was the little thief remorseful?
Yep legit took it. Her mom
Yep legit took it. Her mom found t the next day at her house in her room. she actually used it the night before while I was downstairs cooking them dinner then had then took it. Not remorseful. I actually called her at school I was so mad. Maybe not the best choice but she immediately lied and said she didn't know how to use a credit card. Well they were all purchases for apps we know she used. Later with an attitude she said she was sorry even though we probably won't believe her (her words). And she's right, I don't. Consequence is she's doing more chores, not allowed to be in her room all evening anymore just idling, going to therapy Etc. we called the cops on her the day she came back to have the cop scare her a little and she thought she was going to jail. She is still so disrespectful and inconsiderate. I just said I wanted her to be grounded til the end of the year with no Christmas. Jan 1st can be back to normal. We got her presents but I really don't want her to have them so much that I wish I could say 'here's your presents even though you don't deserve them'. I would never do that but that's how much my heart is not in it.
You've got different offenses
You've got different offenses going on. Keep them separate incidents. Stealing credit card got her extra chores, talked to by police , and therapy or continued therapy. If this is the route I'd have went with I'd have tossed in zero electronics for x time too. Stealing for downloads IMO part of consequence should include what she did the violation for. She wanted an app? Tough, now no electronics to use the stolen goods on.
The attitude and disrespectfulness/inconsiderate behavior, totally new and different offense. Dad handed out consequences for the one breach, now how does he intend to address these other and separate offenses? I agree sh*tty behavior shouldn't be rewarded. However it should be very clear whatever new/additional consequences are for (new/different offense) and dealt with individually.
You have to let the credit card thing go in that it supposedly already being dealt with and consequences being handed out. KWIM?
Okay I see. Yeah she's def
Okay I see. Yeah she's def not allowed near the iPad until 2016 and she said her cell is broken that her mom got her. I occasionally let her watch tv but only while she folds extra clothes or whatever as a part of her chores. He told her she needs to apologize for the last incident. Told her she has to... Told me she's going to so I'm waiting. I'm not so irrational. Honestly an apology goes a long way with me coming from a kid especially. He says we can't ground her forever. I'm like well if her attitude/behaviors don't change, then why can't we? Lol. But in all seriousness I think he's just not hard enough on them. I'm to the point where as long as my house stays clean, I'm about to stay out of it. If they need me I'm
Here otherwise, he can handle it.
I wanted the no Christmas to
I wanted the no Christmas to be her punishment. See my last reply. I just can't fathom getting a Christmas if I stole from anyone as a kid. I am told by h that Christmas isn't about a reward. I know that. But if that's the case let's not exchange gifts at all. And her behavior over the last few weeks is the same. It just sucks. Really trying to be in the spirit but I can't swallow this one.
Her ass would be in JAIL (ok
Her ass would be in JAIL (ok - juvie) if she'd stolen my credit card. And she sure as hell wouldn't be getting a damn thing for Christmas.
This is not a 7 year old who really did not understand how serious a crime this was. At 14 one may do lots of stupid crap - but credit card THEFT is really crossing the line.
I do not understand why people are reluctant to press charges for serious felony crimes. It does the child no favor to "get away with it." Better to get in trouble at 14 where the offense will not follow her the rest of her life than to end up with a felony conviction as an adult.
They wouldn't take her for
They wouldn't take her for the six bucks she stole. The cop thought we weren't serious. When he asked if we wanted her in jail, h said "sure". Then the cop stopped questioning us and started going in on her which was the whole reason we called him was to explain how serious this was. I really don't want her to have a record. Just a hard lesson. But we did give her a choice. Either therapy or weekend in the shu. I don't want to totally wreck her life if there's an opportunity for her to change. Even the cop said juvenile records don't go away. They can see that stuff your whole life and determine it for sentencing later. That's why I don't believe in pressing charges. It is on record though and they took our info so if she steals again from anywhere he said, it would be a double charge.
I know a 13yr old who
I know a 13yr old who shoplifted. He drank a energy drink (on sale for .99 USD) while in the store and was caught. He had the $ in his pocket, but he was foolish. Anyway, he got a ticket for "Theft Under $ 2,000"; he had an opportunity to meet the judge. He got 32 hours community service and one year probation with a deferred sentence. With fees & fines & restitution, the kid has spent over $ 600 for drinking an energy drink w/o paying. Both parents appeared in court and supported whatever the judge decided. Neither parent paid for it. The mom did think the punishment was extreme but honored the judgement.
I took my own boy to the local cop shop this Fall to meet with a narcotics officer when I caught him having a marijuana edible brownie (legal in my state for adults.)
Neither of these situations were felonies, but both families enforced the Law.
Parents draw the lines. Parents enforce the lines. Parents teach children acceptable behavior.
I hear you. I guess that's
I hear you. I guess that's where every kid is different. I just want the kid to not have one Christmas. Lol. So I'm not being irrational then? Not that it matters because h would have gotten her something regardless. it just bothers me.
We have a similar issue here.
We have a similar issue here. ASS is, well, an ass. I don't want to buy him anything for Christmas.
DH decided that he would be getting socks, T-shirts and underwear for Christmas this year.
It's a decent compromise, I suppose.
If he were my kid, he would not be getting anything.
Agree. I have a 9 month old
Agree. I have a 9 month old son with h who wouldn't be getting anything either. He asked her what she wanted. I got her boots and a blow dryer and stocking stuffers she Needs..toothbrush, loofah pore strips... That I would have had to buy anyway. She better be happy with that because it would be nothing if it was up to me.
I think I like your answer
I think I like your answer the best. I kind of told the story in a nutshell. The skids are only with us half the week. We called the cops when she had already left... Which was only because she took my card on her way back to her moms. They said they'd be glad to send an officer out when she got back. We didn't send one to her moms that same day cuz who knows what lies they'd conjure up. But anyway fast forward to when she came back, we called 9-11 on speaker and made little sister stay downstairs to watch so she knew it wasn't a joke. Cop came and eventually realized we were serious and her lies and sneakiness has led to this. He said that we could have a judge put her in jail on the weekends if we wanted to or even have them keep an eye on her in school since they are stationed there as well. Like I said she needed a lesson... Sounds like people agree that I'm not wrong in thinking she doesn't deserve Christmas. I think treating home like jail is a better option for us for now which is what we did, and agreed to do until the end of this year. But now that she's in therapy h wants to go with what therapist suggests. I'm over this therapy crap, so I'm staying out of it from now on.