I am having a rough day today.

SD started counseling last week with BM and has another session tonight. The first session was basically just her and her mom fighting (like they always do) in front of the counselor. The counselor even said to the 2 of them... "If anyone tells you that therapy isn't hard, they are full of sh*t!" I am sure the counselor walked out of there thinking UGH... WHAT have I gotten myself into??? Round 2 tonight. It's emotionally exhausting for SD, and then in turn for me. And I still see BM walk out of there with tears in her eyes and I can't help but feel compassion. Yes, she's clueless and selfish, but I hate to see anyone cry. I have to remind myself of the stupid sh*t she pulls so I can not just say "ohh it's okay don't cry!!" Sometimes I am a sucker!

Got to see DH last week, and got home last night. Had a great trip (with a little side issue that we ...ahem... worked the kinks out of).

Am home now. Not sure if it's the sadness of just not having DH around again every night (although I do get to see him next week Wednesday again), or just everything.

I have never gone to college. But I have a great job where I can earn a mid-level salary by only working 6 months a year, or an even better salary by working 12 months a year. The catch is the travel. But now I am "grounded" because DH is on the road, and one of us has to stay home due to the fact that SD cannot live in the same home with BM.

I am very lucky because I talk to Darling Husband about it, and he completely understands. He even acknowledges that our situation now is NOT what I met him / married into. It made me think of a lot of women here. And how often they talk about how the situation changed from what they married into. But life happens, right??

When I met my husband, he worked at a local construction job and I did my gig and traveled and we had SD 50/50. Now, he's in the same field that I am so he is on the road, we have SD 100% of the time and I am unable to pursue my career. I am home with SD full time. I am having a very very difficult adjustment time and am not looking forward to possibly taking a 9-5 job. But again, right now, DH has the better, longer opportunity so it is what it is. I also don't want him to give up his career on the road, because he LOVES it. And if he did I just think BM would win. Finally, by him keeping his job, I am hoping that we will be able to work together in the future. We have plans.

Anyway, I've had a pretty teary day today. It's nothing major that happened. SD hasn't been driving me crazy. DH is loving and caring and completely acknowledges my feelings and knows what we are both doing is to have the life we want. I can't stand that I am feeling sad, and I'm sure that others who read this may think, "whatever, this chick doesn't know what real trauma is". But I do.

It IS the little things, isn't it? It is the little things that build up and can make or break you. And you have the choice... You can break them down and get rid of them.... or you can build them up until they are insurmountable, stupid obstacles.

My husband sent me a text and it said "I was sad this morning. I realized why. Having you here reminds me of how I want to live. Knowing we will see each other every night and that when we want, we can go out and enjoy each others company. And now it has ended again. It won't be like that for real for 2 more years! " And he acknowledged how we both worry about losing each other...

I love him so much and am so sad. I talk to him about my worries about not being in my field for 2 years and he has offered to get off the road so I can go back out, but I know we can do this. His ready acceptance of sacrifice of a job he loves gives me the ability to stay home. If that makes any sense.

I know we can work it out.

I know we can get through this. We are working toward a mutual goal, and that is to have our life together the way we want!! We both know what it is and can see it. We just have to get to it.

Anyways, I just wanted to say thanks to the STalkers out there. You have given me a lot of perspective. But today you have MADE ME LAUGH (on the Rags post!!) when I really really needed it.