Is it wrong to hate someone with every ounce of your being? Just her existence makes you crazy? I cannot stand my OSD. Our marriage is falling apart because of her (ask my husband and he'll say it's because I'm trying to control him). I am so sick of DH talking about how 4 counselors have told me that there is a difference between parental and marital love. Well, when you treat your kids better than your wife, yeah, I can see the difference.

I know that DH was alone for 12 years, and raised his kids by himself, but I want in. When I married him, I didn't realize that there was going to be three families living under one roof...His family (him and his 5 kids), mine (my kids and me) and sort of an "us" (us and our BD). I can't make him see that the 6 of them have this fort around each other, and I am not allowed in. OSD is the biggest worker bee behind this. What is wrong with him that he doesn't get it?

GD has a ballgame tonight - I was so pissed earlier when he "forgot" again to say we instead of I. He actually said that it's because he's only been married 2 1/2 years and was single for 12 - ouch. He said he's screwed either way because if he says "we", I'll get pissed because he volunteered me for something. I feel like I can't win. I decided not to go to the ballgame. I am trying so hard (and failing miserably) to disengage from this dysfunctional family (I know...it doesn't make sense - why do I want in if I'm disengaging). I just want my husband...
Anyway, he can't understand why I wouldn't go. I tried to tell him that maybe it would be better if from now on, he did things with the GK by himself. I told him to take BD, but under the condition that OSD has nothing to do with her - I don't want her holding her, anything. (He needs to do more with BD, and I need a break.) It's a matter of trust - we have huge trust issues.

Also, GD wants to spend the night. DH told OSD that we want her to stay and we would let her know when. Two weeks ago, GD called wanting to know if she could stay that night. DH said no because it was such short notice. OSD calls today about the game and says "well GD can just bring her clothes to the game and go home with you". We had talked about her staying, but made no definite plans. I am near the end of my first semester (going back for my teaching license) and have 2 papers due and a final. I had told him (a week ago when we last discussed it) that it wouldn't be a good weekend. So, as we're downstairs arguing, GD calls and says "can I just go home with you after the game"? He says he doesn't know and he'll call her back. I volunteered to call and tell her, and then he dials OSD phone to tell her - he ends up telling her himself, and he's upset that he had to tell her no. We had a long conversation about when she is here, that she's his responsibility (he didn't like that)...in fact, I told him I'd be doing homework and he said "well, I'll just tell her to leave you alone". wow.

I hate that I am like this...I am so filled with anger and resentment - both towards OSD and DH. Why can't he put distance between them? Why is he so willing to let this stuff with OSD go so easily? As I'm writing this, I'm really starting to see that the "knot" is coming loose. I think we're screwed.