Picking my Battles
Ive posted only a couple times on here as things HAVE gotten better in my dynamic. It's my Fiance, his daughter, and me. We have all improved our communication with each other but I'm still having a hard time understanding or....knowing which fights to pick and which not to.
For instance, sometimes my SD will be really cool. Other times...like yesterday she's a know it all and tough to be around.
I made a comment that im excited for DisneyLand and heard that when we will be there it will be "scarier" since we are going around Halloween. Her resopnse immediately was "No. It's more festive." LOL OK. Sorry i used the wrong word. Forgot you're 13 and SO SMART that you missed the point of the conversation. Cool.
I recently got a new puppy and thought she'd be all about it since she proclaims she's a huge "dog lover" but i have yet to see her ever play with him, give him any attention, and if he pushes himself onto her because he wants attention...she pushes him away and ignores him. Some "dog lover" huh. Oh...and we've had him since June. Not ONCE has she taken him for a walk or played in the yard with him. It's so strange. It is what it is. She's the one missing out because he's a great puppy. He is 100% my responsibility and I enjoy taking care of him so it's not that i want or care to have her be responsible...it's just that..it urks me she doesnt seem to care about him at all. I have two horses too and she was a "horse lover" to the point where she begged her mom to buy her one....and her mom was considering it. Well guess how many times shes brought up my horses or asked to see them? Never. Maybe it's because these things are "mine" that she doesnt like them but im happy to share if i know you genuinely care about them.
SO. My question is. How have y'all figured out when to bring something up or when to let something go? Because I have no idea. I have no idea whats an issue or whats a teen just being a teen.
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When it comes to things your
When it comes to things your SD says like she's a dog lover or horse lover I'd just take with a grain of salt and not think twice about it. She's just talking to talk and you shouldn't place any meaning behind that (since she's proven it's BS). So whenever she says she likes X, Y, or Z just let it go from one ear and out the other. Be grateful she doesn't pay much attention to your pets, that way she stays in her lane and out your way.
normal though?
True...i just didnt know if this is just how kids act or if shes just kinda self centered
It could be all the above....
It could be all the above.....but it's all good, it has nothing to do with you
Pfft. My SOs kids are dog lovers too
Weirdly, unless we force them to take the dogs for a walk, it would never happen.
Any other care (feeding? Picking up after them?) Same deal here! They are no where to be found.
But they have pictures plastered all over Instagram of their ‘dogs.’
Really, having cute pics of the dogs is all they see to care about.
Sad
Isnt it sad that it's turned into that? everything is for show and not authentic at all
My SD's loved to IG my horses
My SD's loved to IG my horses.. and talk about "their horse" with friends.. (the horse we let them ride).. but in reality.. they put in little to no work with the animals.. just ran out to take pics...
I think a lot of what you are seeing is teen behavior.. My SD's learned I was just as good at rolling my eyes as them..lol.
Op You asked: My question is.
Op You asked: My question is. How have y'all figured out when to bring something up or when to let something go? Because I have no idea. I have no idea whats an issue or whats a teen just being a teen.
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You have to make that decision....
For myself as well as my dh,,,IF any kid is doing something harmful, illegal or lies...the gloves are off.
If sd goes around I have 2 horses, 2 dogs, a few goats and that is not true...yup I would say something with dad present.
IF sd was asked to walk the dog and feed the animals and never does, that doesnt make her an animal hater. IF she kicks the dog you have a big mental health problem on your hands.
Let her dad deal with her duties at home. I would not assign any either as a sm.
JMO hope it makes sense.
Don’t
just don’t bother bringing it up. From experience you’ll always be wrong smh
preach
im starting to get that *scratch_one-s_head*
Never buy SD anything alive
You wanted the Dog, it’s yours. You want horses there are yours. Never buy anything for SD that needs care unless you want to care for it.
I didnt
yea, I didn't. Already had the horses before SD was in the picture and I got the dog for myself because i've always wanted one but just thought she'd like him too. thats not really what i was asking in this blog
thanks though
My sd17 is such a dog lover.
My sd17 is such a dog lover. It's all over facebook so it must be true. She tags my DH with BM asking for a dog. You live with us why are you tagging your useless mother in a post asking for a dog? And dont tag my husband in the same post with that bitch.
I brought a puppy in the house for 8 days while my friend was on vacation we watched the pup. SD17 never did a thing with the dog. Also 100% my responsibility. I didnt need help but I figured if she's such a dog lover she'd spend a minute with this darling puppy. It's because it was mine. She was scared the first day away from her mama but then she became very attached to me so sinve the puppy liked me SD17 didnt care for the pup. SD doesnt want a puppy she wants something to love her unconditionally like that pup loved me. If SD got a pup it would love me because I would be the one taking care of a puppy
SD doesnt want a puppy she wants something to love her uncondit
"SD doesnt want a puppy she wants something to love her unconditionally like that pup loved me."
What a telling statement. You're right. They do just want something to love them unconditionally and if they feel like it's not all about them, it's not as attractive. It's a shame though because I'm pretty sure dogs can spread the love. Both these girls are missing out!
I think some of it probably
I think some of it probably comes down to the fact that only extreams of language are used these days. So she is a dog lover, rather than a person who thinks that dogs are ok sometimes and likes the idea of having a dog, but is not that keen on the daily tasks required to keep a dog. If I tell people that I am not really an animal person they think that I must be some evil animal hater rather than simply I do not require an animal as a pet to feel fulfilled and do not dote over every moving, fluffy thing. I do though love and care for my pets as I have taken on the responsibility for their care when they came to live in my home.
Also, you are step mom, and by saying that they dog is yours rather than the families you have put up a barrier to the dog being accepted as part of the family. I do not judge you for that, but it is what has happened. Step kids often have a difficult time accepting us into their lives and by defining the dog as yours you are putting it into the same category as you, the interloper they did not invite into their lives and struggle to show love for due to conflicting emotions.