FDH (my fiance) and I had a horrible blow up this a.m.
It was both our faults, but ended up with us both screaming, throwing dishes, destroying the breakfast he was making, wrecking the kitchen. We have literally never had a fight like that before. He yells sometimes when he is really mad, but I don't respond, talking in a calm voice, and he usually gets himself under control. That's always been my way. Today I didn't do that, I argued with him, and yelled back, and generally lost it. SD8 couldn't help but overhear, we were very loud.

I don't know why it got so out of control, a combination of stress, chores, money issues, buying a house, traveling to see my family this weekend, tons of work, and SD is home for the summer so she is there all day. Maybe. I just don't know. Some of it was older issues from his marriage to BM too. saying how he had already heard this argument from her and wouldn't hear it again (about him doing household chores even though he makes most of the money... he resents that.)

Afterward we really both thought we were going to split up. we even started discussing who would live where and how to move stuff. He went in and apologized to Sd, explaining it was his fault and he shouldn't yell. He said he would clean up the kitchen while I took SD out to breakfast. i did, and we came back, I helped clean the rest of the kitchen. All trying to wrap my head around breaking up.

Then he said he doesn't want to split, I told him I don't want to be yelled at for any reason, he said he will try harder, and I said I will work harder to address some of the issues that set off the fight, like that I don't make much money (by design, he wanted to give me a break from work last year and I accepted) and was getting ready to just be a homemaker. but that's obviously not working for us. I know, this is confusing from the outside. I don't know how to explain and I am still pretty shook up inside.

it was just so scary because we never fight like that, and I am not happy about the fact that the first time I "fight back" instead of taking my usual non-confrontational tone, we end up on the edge of splitting. But maybe that has nothing to do with it, I don't know. he's so wonderful in so many ways, but I think we have a lot of working on our issues to do, especially the way he seems to see my role in the house. I think he feels that because he makes more money, I should not argue with him. I have NO idea how those two things are related though, it does not make any sense to me.

I am getting the feeling he puts a lot more value on money than I do. Maybe because he grew up very poor without even running water while he was a child, and I grew up quite privileged in the rich part of town with two professional parents and never even knew that there were families that lived the way DH's did.

OK back to work with me. I post really long posts, I am too wordy. It just seems so complicated.