Hello - I am new here. I actually shocked that I have never looked in to Stepparent forums before. I have to admit, I haven't really read many other blogs yet, but I will. I guess I am here for semi-selfish reasons in that I feel it has come time for me to reach out and ask for help.

I am a stepmother to a lovely 8 year old boy. His father and I married last year, but have been together for almost 6. Both of the guys in my life are compassionate, loving, handsome and sweet. I first met my now step son about 5 years ago, a little while after he turned 3 years of age. I have to say it did take him a year to get used to the idea of having me around, but once he did, we bonded quickly. Fast forward to present day, we love each other very much (and say it often). In fact, he affectionately refers to me as "steppy" which I love.

My husband and his ex-wife had their son very young. My husband in his early 20s, his ex in her late teens. Their marriage didn't last very long. She is mentally ill, and soon after giving birth, became addicted to heroin. She spent the next few years with her drug habit, getting arrested and abandoning their son whenever she had the chance (I know all of this as I have seen journals her mother kept of her behavior). Towards the end, she was violent with my husband - even went so far to throw things like knives and kitchen ware at him, made threats to stab him and broke various belongings of his.

My husband and his ex gave up custody to her parents. They were able to provide a loving home for their child. My husband stood by their side as they fought his ex wife in court to keep their rights, and therefore was awarded as much time as he wanted with his son. My husband has always maintained a nice relationship with his ex in laws, and now, I have a similar relationship with them.

About 6 months ago, my husband was awarded sole physical custody of their son and agreed to split legal with his ex. She is supposedly now sober, works and lives with her new boyfriend. However, she is still mentally ill and does everything in her power to belittle my husband, threaten him and make his life hell. It now makes my life hell. My husband is very sensitive person and his past with her has created such anxiety for him - rightfully so. She knows her words cut right through him, which is why she does it. She has tried to start problems with me, but I do have a bit of a stronger personality than my husband, and nipped communication in the bud once the harassment towards me started.

She does very little with her legal rights and has been in contempt of the custodial agreement. Harassment keeps happening (we've gotten the police involved) and threats keep coming in. My husband filed for a modification, which as of today was dismissed. He asked for the courts to recognize the harassment, ask for child support (she refused first time around since my husband lives in a 2 income household) and requested supervised pick ups and drop offs - something which her parents agreed to do. My husband had plenty of written proof - emails, texts, journals, statements from various family members, etc. However, once he got in front of the judge, he completely lost his wording. I supported him once we left the court room, as i knew this was difficult for him and encouraged him by telling him he did a good job, that most would be nervous in a court room in front of a judge.

Here is where I need help.

All of the evidence gathered was work done by me. The various statements with proof were composed by me. Contacting the police when we were harassed (and when his ex laughed and called us names when she was 45 mins late to dropping off their son and we inquired about their whereabouts) was all done by me. I worked so hard for months to help my husband with all of this. And now I feel defeated. My husband tried to admit his evidence, but none of it was taken.

The struggle for me is real. I have exercised boundaries for years. When my stepson says "you're my mom" to me, i always tell him that he has one mother who loves him so much, but that I love him as well and we have a different bond. What his mother has put her family, my husband family, their son and myself though is insanity. Today, I simply feel defeated. My husband's ex is ruthless and abusive. I can't help but feel resentful towards my husband sometimes, though i know i shouldn't, that he can't change the past and that i married him knowing all of this.

I am also quite young. I am 27 years old. Which means my step son has been in my life since my early 20s. I was thrust in to a world of dramatics, violence, and court dates.

At this point of this post, i feel as if my thought have been sort of all over the place. Today, i am just hoping someone somewhere will read this and be able to point me in some direction. I have been profoundly affected by my husband's past, and I am sure someone has more knowledge on how to deal that I do.

I appreciate your time, whoever you are, and hope for the best and for positivity.

Thank you