What is the best 50/50 version of custody, in your opinion?
Our current situation: we have SS3 Monday, Tuesday, Friday, Saturday, then Wednesday, Thursday the following week (it's technically just under 50/50 because it's 6 days every 14). The pros of this schedule is that we have him EOW so that's nice not to have him each wknd. Another pro is that if we want to go to something like a class that only offered on a Wednesday, we know that we can go at least once in 2 weeks. Also if the skids are in a weekly class like gymnastics, we aren't always the ones who have to take them on a certain night. The thing I HATE is that we personally have no set schedule. Every day of the week is a different thing going on. Especially now that I have my baby, it's hard that we don't have a set schedule every morning. So it'd be nice to be more consistent. Also I feel like this schedule is soooo chaotic for the kids. They never know who is picking them up from daycare.
Why our situation may change: FDH is getting a new job and I'm applying for teaching jobs (have an interview tomorrow, yay!). FDH's hours will change and he'll have some weekend hours and a few later night hours. He talked to BM already and she agreed a change would be fine.
So I would LOVE some input on what works for you if you have a close to 50/50 arrangement???
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I wouldn't say it's the best
I wouldn't say it's the best version... however, the way my DH and his ex used to do it before DH got custody was this.... DH had Monday and Tuesday, BM had Wednesday and Thursday, and they rotated every other weekend. In my opinion, it was a terrible schedule, especially after BM moved half an hour away, and considering the fact that she does exactly the OPPOSITE of what DH expects or wants, and did many things without consulting him-not a co-parenting type person. However, if your BM is more cooperative and works with your DH, it might be a good schedule.
I think that I really agree
I think that I really agree with you on this one. I know that my FDH would be the type to say "but that's a WHOLE week I won't get to see him!" I know that's a bummer but like you said, it cuts down on the chaos in their lives. They know where they'll be each night.
It is really hard when I go to pick up my son from the same daycare and SS comes up and says, "Am I coming with you or is Mommy coming?" He just never has a clue -- which of course, he's 3...but still, it's just so random.
That is what we do with my
That is what we do with my skids. Works great - Friday to Friday and the switches are done after school or 5 pm Fridays during the summer. There is one small difference, we have a "dinner night" on Tuesdays but it is done the same way, kids ride the bus to dinner night parent and then dinner night parent takes them back to that weeks custodial parent at 8pm. We live within 5 minutes of each other (joy).
It is going on 8yrs of this arrangement and the boys are 12 and 13...so far so good.
See, I'm not sure we'd be
See, I'm not sure we'd be able to do the week on/off thing because that will mean I'm the only one home with skid a few nights a week.
50 percent with the BM and 40
50 percent with the BM and 40 percent with the BM's parents and 10 percent with me.
We do Mon, Tues, Fri, Sat,
We do
Mon, Tues, Fri, Sat, Sun
Wed, Thurs
Mon, Tues, Fri, Sat, Sun
Wed, Thurs
Alternating. It keeps anyone from having to go more than 3 days without the kids, and gives each parent a full weekend (fri- sun)and then a full weekend OFF! All drop offs are done through school, so we don't have to see each other and it is 50/50. Similar to what you have now, except we extend it through the weekend.
This has worked for us for years.
I believe that best custody
I believe that best custody distribution is not 50/50. I believe that kids do best when they have one primary stable home with consistent rules and expetactions and visit the NCP for extended periods at veriouse times of the year.
For this to happen the CP and NCP have to live an extended distance from each other.
In our case my wife is the CP for our son (my SS) and BioDad is the NCP with 7wks of visitation per year. 5Wks Summer, 1Wk Winter, 1Wk Spring. He also has 10 days in Oct in our locale and the kid must not miss school. BioDad has never taken the Oct visit in our locale.
We have never lived closer than 1200 miles to SpermLand. There is not a snowballs chance in hell that my wife would have wanted to live anywhere near the SpermIdiot, the SpermClan or her own family.
If for some reason she had wanted to .... I would have veto'd that crap in a millisecond.
If we were for some insane reason to be in a local visiation 50/50 situation I would recommend a true EOW schedule. In fact I would insist on it.
Monday - Sunday ever other week. That is true 50/50 and the kid has consistent time with both parents and is not relocated several times each week between households.
This whole a day here and a day there followed the next week with a few days here and a few days there is just insane IMHO and has almost ZERO chance of raising a kid to viable adulthood.
Since viable adulthood is the goal of any parent to raise their kid to attain .... I would go with the long distance model if at all possible.
IMHO of course.
Best regards,
I totally agree with you and
I totally agree with you and have had long talks with my sister who teaches elementary school about how 50/50 is truly not what's best for kids. It sounds good on paper and that's it. The only thing is like a PP said, if the custodial parent isn't a very good parent, then what help is that? I'm not sure. In our case if BM had primary custody, the skids would be shipped off to her parents every chance she got. So it wouldn't be much different and we'd rather them come to our house since we know we have a stable environment here and a stable schedule and expectations.
I have 50/50 almost the same
I have 50/50 almost the same as you, except we extend the weekend from Friday to Monday am. THat makes it exactly 50/50. I started it because my kids were young and my DD very clingy to me. 2-3 days away from either parent was too much at 2 and 4. I have since tried to suggest that we go to a week on, week off and no one even the kids want to.
they have adjusted extememly well. they love it. they know exactly when they will be at what house. They dont miss either parent for long. And I chose this for them not me. For me I would have choosen full custody and I would have gotten it. But divorce is hard enough on kids to have to give up one parent almost completely.
I have even had teacher compliment us on how well adjusted our kids are. ex and I don't get along, seldom talk but are able to coparent extremely well, I guess because we both truely want what's best for our kids.
My situation is ideal with SS
My situation is ideal with SS - 3 weeks of the year with us the other 49 with his mother 700 miles away - and believe I put in my time - for the first 3 years of our marriage we had him 49 weeks of the year and she had him 3 weeks - almost ruined our marriage which I am sure was the b*tch's plan - but like they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!!!
If you have to do 50/50,
If you have to do 50/50, either week on/week off or 2 on/2 off is best IMO. We are custodial with my 2 older steps, and the youngest is 4, and has a good BM (if there's any such thing) and we go Friday morning to Friday morning. That way she has time to adjust to being here when she's here and we don't have to see BM every other day. In fact we drop off and pick up at daycare, since
she goes to daycare when she's with BM. We rarely see BM unless something comes up. Last week daycare was closed for 2 days and we had her during BMs time, but usually it's pretty smooth.
We do a week at a time,
We do a week at a time, switch on Sunday evenings. It feels more stable than a lot of the other options I have seen. However I am inclined to agree with what Rags said up above - I think it might be better for the child to have one consistent home and extensive visitation with the NCP. I didn't feel that way before we started 50/50 but now I do because I see what it does to my DD.
Thanks for all the opinions.
Thanks for all the opinions. Sounds like most of you feel a week on/week off is the best. I'm definitely going to bring this up to FDH and see how it goes. I'm still not sure what his actual schedule will be with his new job so we may not even be able to do it this way, but we'll see!