One of fiance's friends has been talking to BM on Facebook...DF is thinking something is going on.
We weren't even snooping on BM's non-private Facebook page and her name popped up on both DF and my home page. One of my fiance's good friends was conversing back and forth with BM. It started with a "Nice to see you last night!" and eventually turned in to him calling her 'beautiful' and telling her she should stop by at his work sometime to say hi, and she kept milking it to drag out the conversation so he'd keep complimenting her...and eventually led to him saying that they should hang out some time.
DF was crushed and very upset by his "friend". This is a friend who he was considering asking to be a groomsman for our wedding, and who will sit there and trash talk BM to DF after he sees her out at the bars "whoring it up".
I asked DF some more questions about his friend (who I've always liked and got along with great), and he admitted that he feels like if his friend had the chance, he'd sleep with BM. And he feels like BM would do that to rub it in fiance's face that one of his friends likes her.
DF wants to write this friend off completely because he feels really betrayed. I told him it's just Facebook and that he might be jumping to conclusions and it's all just empty words, even though it is a poor choice for his friend to be making. I think he's worried that if he says something to his friend it could somehow get back to BM when they run into each other again at the bar and she'd feel even more all-mighty that it is bothering DF.
What kind of advice would you give?
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Your DF should just ask his
Your DF should just ask his friend, "what's up with that?" and see what he says. This was public after all. He doesn't have to reveal that it "bothers" him--anyone would be curious and ask. If he starts "dating" BM, I would suggest not having him in the wedding. Just quietly cut him out. Let her have her "victory." It doesn't change anything.
Here is my rule - short and
Here is my rule - short and sweet - NONE OF MY FRIENDS TAKES MY SLOPPY SECONDS AND I WOULD NEVER THINK OF TAKING THERES - I lost one good friend after she went out with my ex but then how good of a friend was she.
I always believe in my circle of friends I should be the only one who knows what my Ex'es penises look like - NO ONE ELSE SHOULD IN MY CIRLCE.
Now that I am married I have had girlfriends tell me if I die they want to marry DH - I told DH I would haunt him from the grave if he did that - he laughs and says with my insurance policies he is going for a younger woman - I am 10 years younger than him lol.
Also your DH's EX may be doing this to get info - so if DH wants to end friendship let him. The guy does not seem to be much of a friend anyway!
Thank you for all of your
Thank you for all of your advice. I do agree he needs to cut off communication with this friend and see what happens. It was just so random and strange I had to get someone else's advice!
PS. Another tidbit: BM absolutely HATED this guy when she and my fiance were together. She wouldn't even go with them anywhere. Now she's humoring his advances? Whatever.
I'll tell DF that my opinion is to just let it go, and see if the friend maintains contact with HIM, and go from there.
This is why I wrote that BM
This is why I wrote that BM wants to know what is going on in your life and she is going to use this guy to find out - if this guy is that stupid have hubby dump him!
BM may have been just talking
BM may have been just talking to boost her own self esteem since the guy was complimenting her. It may go no further but I definitely wouldn't trust this "friend" of his!
I would drop it all together
I would drop it all together and just file under my cap for possible future reference.
I just don't see how anything good can come out of your DF saying ANYTHING to his friend as you can almost bet $ that it will get back to BM at one point or another. Does your DF really want BM to think that he cares one way or another who SHE sleeps with (I know your concern is more that DF's FRIEND is the betrayer, but I promise you BM will think that everyone is "concerned" about her.)
Also do you really want to give BM the satisfaction of knowing that you two are looking at her FB? I really believe that people who have public profiles do so, just to bait others into "stalking" Please, please don't give this tramp any satisfaction... just let it go!
BINGO. I whole heartedly
BINGO. I whole heartedly agree in everything you said and believe that on BM's side, she's manipulating as much as possible...and on the friend's side, it's his business but should know that he's betraying DF.