How do you handle sibling arguing?
I realize that siblings argue and fight and that is totally normal. I've read a few parenting articles that say to not intervene in their fighting too much (unless it's getting physical of course) because they need to learn those lessons and how to resolve their own conflicts.
SD6 ended kindergarten last week and since then, she and SS3 have been fighting NON-STOP. When they're not straight up arguing, SD6 is on SS's case the entire time and then he gets really frustrated and crabby becuase he's usually TRYING to do whatever it is he's supposed to be doing, it's just not quick enough or good enough for SD6. For example, I explained to SS while he was brushing his teeth that we need to save water and just turn on the faucet just a little bit, not full blast. He understood and when he was done with his teeth he accidentally turned it on full blast -- the poor kid didn't even get a second to realize his mistake before SD was on him screaming, "BROTHER! TURN THAT WATER DOWN!"...screamed so harshly that SS and my baby jumped. She yells at him constantly. A few mornings ago this is what I ended up saying to SD6: "Every single word out of your mouth this morning has been to yell at your brother. You can be quiet for the rest of the morning."
She tried to argue with ME then about how she's just telling SS what he's supposed to be doing and I said to her, "You are NOT the parent. If I tell him some direction, you do not need to be right after him with your snotty mouth telling him he's doing it wrong or not fast enough. Just mind your own business."
I had a pep-talk with SS3 afterwards and told him, "When someone is mean to you, all you have to say is 'you are hurting my feelings' and ignore them. Don't fight back." I drilled this into him that morning and daycare told me that he used the phrase a few times with his sister that day and it did seem to help her to realize when she was being mean (yay SS3!).
Anyway, to move on, daycare said she's been having lots of issues this week with them fighting and SD6 bossing him. They have been separated and actually aren't allowed to play in the same room for the rest of the week. When she mentioned all this to BM, BM said, "Oh they are perfect for me!" WHATEVER. I can't stand when BM's do this whole 'they are perfect for me so it must be something YOU are doing' thing!!! Obviously if it's an issue at our house and daycare why would they suddenly stop fighting at BM's? FDH thinks that BM just lets SD run the show...which seems the case. She probably is glad that she doens't have to be the "bad guy" all the time becuase SD will get on SS's case about things. When FDH mentioned the fighing to BM, she said, "Oh they're fine. Me and my brother used to fight all the time too." FDH responded, "Well I don't want my son to turn into your brother so we need to something about this!" 
So how do you handle sibling arguing?
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Comments
UGGGGG, the fighting and
UGGGGG, the fighting and bickering will be the death of me !!! It goes on and on and on.
I try not to get involved unless it becomes physical but just hearing it grates on my nerves so I end up yelling at both of them. I tell them I don't care who is doing what, I hear them both arguing. I am endlessly telling my kids to butt out, I am the parent, I will handle it.
I do find that if I can calmly ask them to let me handle it, or if I can calmly let them know that they are responding badly, they are better about changing their approach. If I could just remember to stay calm !!!
Ah, I wish I had the answer
Ah, I wish I had the answer to this. As long as it seems to be actually working through differences then I typically just try to escape from the noise of it that drives me nuts (just far enough away to not have to hear every word but close enough to hear if it turns into physical voilence) but when it is the bullying that your describing above, as seems to be the only form of cummunication that SS11 knows, I typically wait to see how SS8 handles himself and if he doesn't seem to have it under control or his brother has gone to far - I step in and send him to his room alone for a while to think about it.
I the time away from his brother doesn't make him appreciate him, I start doing things he considers unreasonable like making him sit with me instead of playing his video games with the poor child he has just abused.
It's not the ideal solution I don't think but I have found that apparently sitting on the couch with me is a fate worse than death because abuses his brother 8 & 1 less.
I will warn, I think he hides it more now that he knows, SM gives consequences for being the neighborhood bully.
Wish I had the answer-problem
Wish I had the answer-problem is that girls especially can be so bossy, rude and mean. Nip the "yelling at him" in the bud while in your house.
The SD is this way-thinks she has a right to "discipline" them when I'm telling them to do something..not her place. I had a neighbors daughter act this way also. Bossy, rude, demanding. Ughhh
My sons fight between them at times...I DO have to get on my oldest son when he's beeing particularly snappy and mean and I either thump him on the head or scold him harshly to not use a bad tone, yell at or insult his brother. I can't stand that. All siblings fight-my brothers and I did and even got physical also but there are lines we as parents have to hold them to...and the other we let them resolve amongst themselves.