BM's partying drama keeps finding it's way into my life...
I just had a random person at work stop me in the break room and say, "Hey, so I hear that you know (BM)?" I was like uhhh..yeah... because I had no idea what she was about to say.
She rattled off how she met BM two weeks ago at her friend's barbeque. She said BM was absolutely wasted at about 4 in the afternoon...this coworker left the party and came back later with her husband (they're neighbors) because it was still going on into the night. BM started hitting on coworker's husband so much that he was so uncomfortable that he asked his wife to LEAVE the party. The host of the party had someone say to him, "Hey you should hit that tonight" referring to BM...I guess his response was "Been there done that...nothing I want to do again" and he made a barf face.
Apparently some guys were leaving the party and they got in a fight in the driveway...cops were called, and BM was being questioned by the cops. BM was taken to the hospital by the cops because she was so drunk she couldn't form words! Coworker said that 2 hours later, BM showed back up with a beer in her hand!
So don't flame me...I know that she can do what she wants on her own time but her partying is really starting to get out of hand! She is acting like a 21 year old.
FDH wants to call her and discuss her behaviors...again we know she can do what she wants on her own time but isn't there a point where this is out of hand? I told him my suggestion is to say, "So...what do you want me and SteppingUp to say to all the people who come up to us telling us these horror stories about your partying?"
Does anyone else deal with a BM like this?
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Frustrating isn't it? Sadly,
Frustrating isn't it? Sadly, I don't think she would care what you say to those people that approach you. But maybe letting her know that people are talking about her, and it isn't pleasant things MAYBE she will be smart enough to simmer down and keep her whoring to a minimum. I know if my ex came to me and said he heard things even CLOSE to that nature, I would be mortified.
We had people telling us what BM was posting on FB. DH finally approached her and told her that we knew what she was up to. The difference was, that these were things she was doing when SS was home. having random guys over to drink on a school nigth with SS there, and then taking him to school late the next day because she was hung over... things of that nature. She cleaned up her act a little since then.
Yeah I guess I would be
Yeah I guess I would be mortified but of course I wouldn't do those things so there's the answer....haha! I'm not sure FDH will say anything. I think more than anything he just wants her to know what's going around about her and hope it will embarass her enough to simmer down.
I wouldn't count on it, even
I wouldn't count on it, even if it is things that are going to affect the kids. Sometimes I wish I didn't hear anything at all about BM, so I don't have to think about it. Seriously though... if it is her nights without kids... I would really hesitate saying anything. If she wants to be a whore, that's kinda her problem. When you get word that she is doing these things on a kid day THEN I would open a can on her! Big time, until then I would try my hardest to keep a tight lip. I know how hard it is TRUST ME!! There are many many things I would LOVE to say to BM... and used to, but it got me no where. She's not going to change.
Women love to gossip no? Look
Women love to gossip no? Look again, how she lives her life is not your bsns-if she wants to party like she's 21 in her 30's that's her problem. If it doesn't interfere with her parenting constantly what she does isn't your or your dh's bsns-so what if she's known to sleep around -she totally has the right to have as many partners as she wants, she's single right? I would HOPE she doesn't bring them aroudn her kids constantly -but courts don't to much abotu that.
Just from previous blogs-you and your dh are way too preocupied with her personal choices and lifestyle...I mean he calls her when kids aren't with him for a storm...isn't that her choice to handle as she sees fit? I really think there's a strong controlling and meddling issue you both have with your BM.
Believe me-my bf and I talk about bm's behavior at times and I vent here---but from there to think we should approach her because it's out of hand or take it to court? NOT our place, they are divorced. Simply being the father of the kid doesn't give him a right to dictate how she is to live her life.
Point taken...I responded
Point taken...I responded mostly on my previous blog where you said the similar stuff.
I agree and disagree. To a
I agree and disagree.
To a point yes, her life is her life. It is fun to talk about with DH and laugh, make fun of etc. BUT there comes a point when it is so out of control it can trickle down to the skids and potentially effect them.
Lets say the skid(s) are of middle/high school age. BM sleeps with 5 different men in a short period of time. Then there is a school function and the possible kids of those 5 men see the BM. Then they come up to the skid(s) and say hey your mom was at my house on so and so night...etc. This is mild situation too.
I'm just saying that the BMs drunken and whorish behavior can socially have an effect on the skids.
Also if any of the skids are female and they see their mom being a whore then that can give them a sense that it is okay to be that way, even tho SM is not.
Every action we take has a ripple effect....what we do today may not cause harm tomorrow but eventually it will in some form or fashion.
I see the OPs concern and think it is valid. My suggestion would be to document, document, document! The OP stated that she was allegedly hauled off by the police, more than likely there was a booking for public intoxication if that was the case. That is public record, go to your local court and get a copy for your records. As her behavior progresses in a bad way, keep record of as much as you can then take her to court. Always be strategic!
You hit on the exact root of
You hit on the exact root of our "problem" with BM's behavior. I COMPLETLEY understand that we seem meddling/controlling/intrusive but at the same time what does happen when she's still acting like this when the kids get into those impressionable ages?? SD is only 6 but I can see (without a crystal ball) that BM will be the "cool" mom (in her eyes) by letting SD have boys over to visit and probably offering them drinks and looking hot so that they want to come over, and hanging otu with them and being flirty, and who knows what else.
We worry about how BM acts will rub off on the skids and they will grow up believing her behavior is appropriate.
And BM DOES bring a lot of these guys over, even when she has the kids.
I'd get some popcorn and sit
I'd get some popcorn and sit back and watch the show. Seriously, if she wants to make an ass out herself all over town, let her! I wouldn't address it with her, don't give her the satisfaction of thinking that you and DH spend even one waking millisecond thinking about her. She's dirt under your shoe, keep her in her place.
Thanks all for the words of
Thanks all for the words of wisdom. Sometimes it's hard when you get caught up in drama to take a step back and see what it looks like from the outside. Exactly why I love having a place like this to come and vent and get opinions.
Yes we do get wrapped up easily in things and a lot of it is becuase of our own doings...but like my title sometimes it seems to just come to me from random places, too. That's when it gets frustrating!
You are right - we don't need to get involved unless she's affecting the kids. I think we just get so fired up when she lies to us it's hard!
People are talking to you and
People are talking to you and your husband about BM because you allow them to. If you cut them off when they start, it will end. It's kinda hard to gossip if no one is willing to listen.
I know it's tough-but whorish
I know it's tough-but whorish behavior is not illegal.
And then again I hate that word used because she wants to sleep around-it would never be used with a guy sleeping around. Have we not learned a thing from sexual revolution? She has the right to sleep with whomever she wants to, it may be distasteful to others but she's certainly w/in her rights. I HATE that our BM introduces our SD to bull dikes who get into physical fights w/the BM in front of the kid every other couple of weeks, some of them have been to jail and had drug abuse problems, and then jumps to dating guys, and back to women, and back, and forth-and tells her all about it, and has her meet all these people w/out getting to know them first...so our SD is affected by her behavior-but it's not illegal and we can only vent about it.
The scenario of guy at school comign to the sd to say something about her mom is really stretching. I know that we hate the kids absorbing bm's behavior-me more then anyone on this board probably
I married very young-never dated/partied much when younger-I lived it up fully and had loads of fun after my divorce and made up for lost time for sure.
I only used my EOW to go out, but I went dancing, bar hopping, drank to much (it's an escape mechanism), slept w/whomever I wanted to, and never once brought someone home or mentioned my private adult life to my kids-and I mainly fished outside my zip code
but I was smarter like that lol...now my bf is from my zip code and will likely never run into any past partners 
We have a right as single women to live it up even if we're parents-BUT yes I agree when you start bringing people home and word starts spreading it's probably not the wisest or ethically right thing to do-but not much you can do to stop it. It's not illegal until it becomes illegal kwim?