why they were out of town is irrelevant. They informed BM, BM was out of line to say he didn't "want" them. That's BS..

I always hate to read that people cannot conduct themselves in a mature manner. It irks me that BM's or sometimes BDs will tell children such awful things. In the mind of a 5y/o she will only ever hear, "daddy doesn't want me".....nothing else. The BM should've just said that daddy had something else he had to do, but he would've been there if he could. Period, OR had the BD tell the children himself.... poor little girl!

BlendedFam you are out of line here. It is PAS anytime, you say something negative to the child about the other parent. It sounds like her husband tried to do everything to make everyone happy and that wasn't able to work because of the BM. Not everything is so black and white as you think it should be. Don't be so hostile.

They had plans to go out of town. BM wouldn't let them have the kid because she wanted to control the situation. BM is the one being unreasonable and should NEVER have said what she did to a child even if it was true, which I'm sure it wasn't. Life doesn't stop because of a BM wanting to dictate what the other parent does or doesn't do. Anyone who is defending the BM in this situation clearly hasn't dealt with the bad side of being a step parent.

Wow.. What is this about? I've read every post, and why is the OP being lashed out on? Is blendedfam the BM in the OPs family??? That's what it sounds like to me! I in NO way saw thru the OPs post that the dad chose to not have his children. The BM, sry it it offends ppl or not, was WRONG. The BM had a choice! A choice to allow the father of her children to see the kids! The bio-dad tried calling, and BM didn't answer. So instead of BM saying "oh ur dad wanted to see you, but I said NO", she said "your daddy doesn't want you" Are you friggin kidding me?! Where in that OP is the dad at fault?!

I can see from both sides here.Mothers day and Fathers day are sacred days to children who actually care about their parents.The parents should make every effort to be around on those days especially if it's stipulated in the agreement they are to have the kids on those days.I travel every now and then for work and so does my DH but we are ALWAYS conscious of being available for birthdays,mothers day,fathers day,and other holidays.

I imagine Bm was pretty frustrated with the change of plans and stupidly took it out on her 5yr old by telling the child a variation of "daddy didn't want you today". (really shitty of her to do by the way I don't care how pissed she was)There are better ways of dealing with your own frustration over the non custodial parent changing the agreed upon schedule to satisfy their life demands. never take your bitterness out on your child.

But on the flip side,the dad knows fathers day is important to his kids,he should have been around to celebrate it with them.The day after just isn't as special to children.

I think both parties are wrong. BM should learn to keep her poison to herself instead of dousing her children with it. The dad should learn to adhere to the agreed upon schedule for important days like father's day so this doesn't have to happen.

I agree with Blended Family on the point that DH is not realizing his active part in hurting his kids by going away for Frs. Day. Yeah the BM was pissed -- who won't be? It was written in the order for him to take kid on Frs. Day and he didn't. The written document should be followed and going away for the weekend was not cool. Sorry rest of ya, its called being accountable for your actions. And for some reason, divorced parents don't think it applies to them but just their ex. Surely this leds to them being a Disney Dad/Mom (they know they are screwing up but hope fun/toys/no discipline will make up for what they should have done for the child)

For Father's Day and Mother's Day weekends our order states that each parent gets the entire weekend respectively regardless of how the rest of the weekends are lined out.

Perhaps, if the opportunity arises the order in your case could be changed to reflect that. It works out well for us.

And yes, I would look at those comments as possibly the beginning of PAS. Document them.

Blendedfam, why are you on this site? Even when you try to "help" posters, its always some smart ass remark, where your laying out your thoughts in such a degrading manner... Everytime someone posts, your against them, including me. And ,no, I'm not dumb, obviously ur not the BM in that scenario, but ur acting like one. When everyone but one poster is against ur response, that should say something.. Your negative to nearly every poster, and maybe that's what you rub us the wrong way

i bet the op wasn't counting on her blog turning into a back and forth on "why should or shouldn't blended fam be here?"

come on people focus on the topic

I am more than a little bothered by the idea that somehow Father's Day and Mother's Day has now become a holiday about the kids. Seems to me these days were intended to honor the parents.

How did it become some sort of bad/neglectful parenting to reschedule the celebration of the day because one party wasn't willing to be flexible with time?????

I have a question:

Why was BM so unwilling to allow their dad to switch weekends? As far as I'm concerned, PAS starts with a BM with a nasty attitude and an unwillingness to stop being selfish. Why couldn't she allow SM and Dad to take SKids away for the weekend, especially knowing it's Father's Day weekend? I'm sure it would not have killed her. And, if she wanted to be TOTALLY truthful, she could have said;

"Daddy wanted you this weekend, but I said no. He has plans, but will see you on Monday."

And, as lots of people have commented, I'm sure a 5 year old doesn't know it's Father's Day unless they're told.

Whoever previously gave the Wikipedia definition of PAS did not include the entire definition, Here is the rest:

How one parent may misuse the powers of socialization to turn a child against a once loved parent.

And that is exactly what the BM was doing by her UNNECESSARY statement to the 5y/o.

Don't know why this turned into a bashing session but the OP was originally asking if this was a sign of PAS and apparently the majority agree that it is!

BM refused to let DH take her with him, she refused to let DH talk to her on Father's Day. She is intentionally trying to hurt the ex and what she did is WRONG.

Schedules change all the time. If it were any other day, and DH needed to switch a day here or a day there, would BM have done the same thing? He made up for it, what damn difference does it make that it was one day later?!

A 5 year old child does not fully understand what Father's Day is really about, and I doubt she even noticed what day it was. Father's/Mother's Day is about the parents!! BM had no cause to tell the child that daddy didn't "want" her, that is simply unacceptable.

Well, I didn't want to get into the pissing match that's going on here, but I think a bunch of you are confused, that's all.

The OP said that: he informed BM that he and I were out of town (6 hours away) all weekend and he wasn't going to be able to take the skids. This leads to the assumption that Dad made the choice to not spend the holiday with the kids.

But then: We would have taken the kids with us but BM said it was "her" weekend...just a reason for the skids not to be a part of "my" family though. This statement makes us think that the BM kept the kids away from Dad for the holiday.

Conflicting statements. That's why everyone's arguing on this.

That's all I'm saying. Mum's the word!

kumbaya...or however it's spelled. kumbaya *swaying with peacepipe*

Also, it is possible that BM is being a bitch because she feels justified? justified bc technically she doesn't have to let your DH see the 5yr old at all if she doesn't want to.I'm going to assume he doesn't pay support for the 5 yr old (please correct me if my assumption isn't accurate)...so really she is in her mind doing your DH a 'favor' by letting him stay in the 5yr old's life. maybe she felt like he was pissing on her "kindness" by not being around for father's day? i'm not taking up for her,i'm just trying to figure out what would possess her to say a hurtful thing to a small child like that.

I don't think Stepping up made it as big a drama as WE here on step talk made it. Reading a vent or situation in a bolg is far less emotional then when you are living it.

I can't resist adding my comment--in response to CaC, yes it does matter what BM says in this case. Her remarks were wrong and calculated to cause distress in the child. Think about this--if you had a child and the father really abandoned him/her, would you say "he didn't WANT you." No, a loving mother does everything not to let the errant parent's behavior make the child feel rejected. BM is totally childish and cruel and setting the kid up for a lifetime of mental issues.

BM not switching weekends was more controlling horse doodoo, but whether plans should have been changed or not, her remarks were out of line.

PS sorry to see more bashers rearing up again. When does it ever stop on here? You better be careful because you will get blocked, esp when personal insults get hurled.

Actually, I do think the BM is "bashing" BF to kids, which is CRAP.
Lowly, step parent that I am (no bios, either)

I know that no matter how f***** up BM's actions are, I cannot speak frankly or reveal my true feelings to SD10.

What kind of parent tells a kid that "Dad didn't want you on Father's Day" ?

The kind of parent that is USING the children to bludgeon the Father to fullfilll her own agenda. If BM was really that concerned she should have addressed BF (away from the children)
Did BM think about how the kids would feel ? No.

Is what BM said in the best interest of the kids ? No.