All the little things BM does annoy the SH** out of me! How do I get them to just roll off my back?

You know how when someone annoys you/bothers you (ahem, you can't stand them!), EVERY LITTLE THING they do drives you nuts? This is how I feel about BM. It's like there are these little things she does that in itself is really not a big deal....but all these little things add up to the MOUNTAIN of evidence that she only cares of #1 (herself, of course!).

Basically, I reallyyyyy wish these things didn't get to me. How do I stop that? How do I just let go of them and let them roll off my back when they happen? Advice?

Here are my examples from yesterday. We were scheduled to get the skids last night to start our week on with them. FDH worked until 6:30 (but because he works with customers/sales it's never an exact time) so he told BM he'd pick them up after that -- anytime between 6:30 and 7. He picked them up at about 6:50.

They got to our house and I was busy making dinner for FDH and I, because you would think the kids had eaten, right? Nope. At about 7:20 they were crying that the were STARVING. So I told FDH that I hadn't planned to make them dinner (what I made for us they wouldn't eat) because we were getting them around 7 so I hadn't prepared for that...and I wondered why BM didn't think to feed them dinner? He said that she was probably too busy getting ready to go out. I asked how he knew that she was going out...he said she had a friend over when he picked up the skids and they were getting ready to leave for a bar. So you just don't feed your kids?

FDH told me that when he got to BM's house, he was really hot (it was hot out! haha) and he took off his tie while he was waiting in her entryway for the kids. He kind of made a sigh while pulling it off, and he unbuttoned his top button. She said to her friend, "He gets tired walking up one flight of stairs?" I guess her friend goes, "It's hot outside..." BM always has to try to mock FDH for putting on a little weight in the last year...which he's working hard to lose right now (total weight gain is probably like 20 pounds, and he's already lost 10).

Then SD6 tells us there are some things in her backpack for us to look at, from school (1st grade started last Thursday). At first I thought, wow! BM left us some notes to look over so we're kept in the loop! This is good.... Nope. It was just a note from her teacher with a plastic baggie attached, that was explaining how they're working with coins and to send 2 quarters, 10 dimes, 5 nickels, and 10 pennies. $1.65 in change. Not a biggie....until the date on the paper said that it was sent hom on Thursday. SD6 said that she showed that to BOTH her mom and her biological father this weekend....neither one of them can spare the money or time to supply this? It's due by Tuesday so of course BM left it for us to do. I know $1.65 isn't a big deal but it's just one of those things that drives us nuts. She's not our daughter but we're constantly the one doing all her school stuff for her (last year she was constantly getting notes saying that she was overdue on lunch money and wouldn't get to eat hot lunch without it, so we always had to pay it so she could eat that day...BM always said she had taken care of it already but literally every week we got a note...why she wouldn't just pay the whole year off in one shot, I have no idea....not like she doesn't have money to go out every night of the week).

BM is going to Seattle this upcoming weekend. She posted on her Facebook that she is wondering if there's a Betsey Johnson store there....#1 Google it. #2, a t-shirt costs like $70!!! She is always complaining she has no money to spend on kids stuff, yet she gets paid child support from SD's father and only has SD 12 days a month. Of course she gets child support from FDH too. And then goes out EVERY night she doesn't have the kids (and often when she does) and can shop at a designer store and can take a trip every other month (without kids of course)? I just hate all her playing the victim crap.

Sooo................like I said. I know these things are little things when looked at individually. How do I get things like this to not just ANNOY THE CRAP OUT OF ME!???

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I hear you, believe me! BM

I hear you, believe me! BM likes to go on trips and never has money for things the kids need iether. BM even demanded child support while we had full custody of the kids! She kept SSI for SD, ADHD and behavioral issues, and we paid up just to shut her up...VERY wrong in my opinion but the woman is so unstable that if you even create a ripple in her perfect pond she takes a fit! Poor deluded soul. We have a roof over our heads, we are not starving, we have clothing and we enjoy all we have. I used to be very angry at the crap too, now I consider that there really will only be one rocking chair on her porch and her whole house of cards will come tumbling down on her one day. I do not wish ill on anyone but I will not lift a finger to help her when it all happens.
Personally, I thank the Lord the kids are with us. It's been hell on wheels but with just a slight shift in attitude and more focus on what we are doing in the here and now helped me. I do not forget any of the crap that ensued from dealing with BM but I do set it aside so that it does not affect my relationship with the SKids.
It sounds ridiculous but she could percieve you are jealous of her...BM here did! As incredable as it sounded she honestly thought that, when I got frustrated by all the stupid stuff she did, I was at least envious, if not jealous. SAD individual!

I don't EVER let on to BM

I don't EVER let on to BM that I'm mad about these things....FDH and I just vent to each other, and of course I vent on here. But you are right -- she would think I was jealous if she knew.

Example -- a few weeks ago BM was supposed to pick up the skids and we caught her in a lie (she was at a bar but told us she was still out of town and couldn't get hte skids until later). She of course said that FDH is "just jealous" of her that she has a "life". Really? Sorry, but the bar star life just doesn't appeal to us.

I agree...curiosity gets the

I agree...curiosity gets the best of me and I check her fb more htan I need to. Definitely trying to stop but it's the only way we find out some things we should know.

And yes I'm making a list of htings that FDH needs to sit down and discuss with BM regarding the school paperwork and lunch money and stuff.

Does this woman have a

Does this woman have a drinking problem? It seems like she is the local bar fly and proud of it, which to me spells alcoholic. Maybe the Karma bus will pull up and give her a DWI for you guys to be "just jealous" of.

I've never understood the attaction of hanging out at the bar on a regular basis. I remember when DH and I first started dating, we went to a bar in town that I hadn't been to in like 10 years. We walked in and it was like a friggin time warp... same old people from 10 years ago, still belly up to the bar... wow, what a life.. NOT!

Yes she's a barfly and it's

Yes she's a barfly and it's gotten really bad over the past few months. I know I know, she's allowed to do what she wants on her own time....but yes, she goes out EVERY single night of the week....posting comments on her fb at late hours every night. She works a M-Fri 8-5 job so I have no idea how she does it. She also has expired tabs so it's really a matter of time, if the karma bus gets her.

We enjoy our nights out and lately of course since having a baby wish we had one here or there...but definitely don't feel the need to re-live my college days whatsoever. Even when I was in college I couldn't go out every night.

OK-this is MY opinion from BM

OK-this is MY opinion from BM perspective ok? In MY house we normally do not eat dinner till late, somewhere around 730 typically if we are lucky.

ANd IMO if you are to have the skids that evening (Friday say) then IMO the NCP should be the one to feed them-even if they eat a little late, no big deal IMO-DAD should have picked them up something to eat, even if it's quick if you didn't want to cook. I can give them a snack but damn it-I cook for the kids pretty much every single day of the week 25 to 26 days a month...if the NCP can't handle the work and effort of feeding them 4 days a month then I call bullshit-sorry. BUT that's my persepctive on a strict EOW only-I know you guys have more days and your BM will always take advantage. OH and my exh rarely if EVER cooks for them-they just go out to eat. Which I think is BS also

LET me tell you-by the time my EOW gets here Im ready to roll with it-get the heck on out of the house and have my free time-who cares if i'm about to go to the bar, the club, go screw my boyrfriend, go to dinner or sit and do nothing.... and if it's 7-8pm then he can feed them dinner. They normally eat late anyways AND I normally meet him on Fridays closer to his place..I get home from work at 600 or so after a 45min drive...have to make sure we pack the car w/all their stuff and try to herd them out to drive another 30 mins to meet w/their dad b4 7pm-My fridays are CRAZY-dinner? LOL, rrriiighhhht, i'll fit that in on my free time btwn 638-640

BUT once one thing bothers me about our bm then everythign does so I see your point

I do see your point. However,

I do see your point. However, last weekend when we dropped SS4 off at her house at 5:15, she was mad that we hadn't fed him dinner yet.

I'll share a little trick I

I'll share a little trick I use when trying to let things go and not bother me.
When something gets my shackles up, I ask myself a series of questions:
1. Will this matter/be an issue in an hour?
2. Tomorrow?
3. Next week?

If after question #3, the answer is still yes, then it possibly warrants my attention/emotion/aggravation. If not, then I take a deep breath and tell myself...if I were to leave this world in 5 minutes, I do NOT want this to be what's on my mind. Wooo, saaaaa

On another note, I never assumed SD (as a child) had eaten. I always had something I could make up for her quickly "just in case." As far as SD with DH, it became SUCH an issue with BM (and SD was like 14-15 at the time!) that they had to "agree" on what nights which parent would feed her dinner. :shakes head: so silly.