DH Blew up on me when I tried to talk to him about parenting stepkids
I told him that we need to start setting rules and boundaries in our household. I asked him to start thinking of punishments for breaking the rules. All I ask is.
1. That he talk to them about having more respect for us
2. To watch their language around young SS and my toddler
3. To clean up after themselves
4. To be respectful of other's when they are trying to sleep
5. To start asking before taking others property
6. To change out of pajamas when we go out
7. And to stop slamming doors
This simple request did not go over to well with DH. In his point of view. He only gets to see them 3 breaks throughout the year Christmas, spring, and summer. So while they are here they should be able to feel comfortable and have fun. That I should not let them get to me that they are teenage girls and that's just how they are. If we start setting down to many rules they will want to go back to their mom's house. He said when they get here for spring break he will talk to them about “chilling" it a night so I can sleep. I really wanted to slap him and make him wake up and hear what he just said. I told him once more what I wanted and he did not reply. An hour went by and he came in to tell me maybe I should cool it with this step talk thing because this site is probably poisoning me against my step kids. I really don't even want to look at him right now. I gave him a few choice words and I no longer feel like speaking to him.
- stepmomto2many's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
What an Assssssss! I'm sorry
What an Assssssss! I'm sorry but the things you ask of them are PERFECTLY reasonable and he should not have an issue with it. Disney Daddy all the way. Oh, so because the kids aren't there all the time means they have NO rules and can do as they please? In your shared house? NO WAY.
Oh dear, so feeling
Oh dear, so feeling comfortable now means it has to be at the expense of the rest of the world's discomfort? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM GUYS!! Why on earth do they think thay they kids will think less of them or even stop loving them because one needs to set some ground rules ?? I think that this is 95 % of the cases! OMG what are we headed for!! I myself am plucking up the courage to have a talk with DH about this issue... I hope your DH thinks things over and things change for the best. We are here for you!!
Maybe your DH and my DH can
Maybe your DH and my DH can be friends!!
Words for you DH: If you
Words for you DH:
If you allow your daughters to wear their PJs in public then this reflects on you as their parent.
When they mouth off and utter profanities then this reflects on you as their parent.
When they are rude or play 'Mean Girl' this reflects on you as their parent.
If you allow your daughters to take without asking I guess that means the same applies to your 'insert a beloved item of his'.
So this is how the world will see you. Unable to properly parent your own children.
Now if they make a noise at night and wake me up this entire house is going to be woken to the Edinborough Pipes and Drums blasting "Scotland the Brave" over and over and over until everyone is up. Ditto when doors are slammed. Ditto when things are left all over the house.
I had the same discussion with my DH when he allowed his sons to come over and blob and do whatever they wanted. When I pointed out this is not Camp 'Insert last name' he got a clue.
Or the other option is he takes off work for the entire time they are there and entertains them all the time. No, didn't think he would go for that....
Thanks cheriwilson. I like
Thanks cheriwilson. I like this advice. Lol I could imagine the looks they would give me if they saw all the doors to their rooms gone lol.
Oh and I meant taking things like money out of the coin jar, Just picking up my cell phone and using it, and taking my slippers and wearing them around without asking.
Well if they are going to be
Well if they are going to be foul mouthed in front of your young children I would big time go off on them (when you kids are not there to hear). I'll bet you could match them with cussin' except yours would not be casual.
They might use effin as an adjective for anything like my stupid SS does. You on the other hand could go all drill sargent and use those words to tell them what worthless POS things they are being - like at 3 am.
Let them wear what they want when they go out - but do not go with them.
Hey if ANYONE comes in my home and starts taking MY personal belongings I would rip them a new one. Make sure they know that. You husband may want to just be a pussy but that does not mean that you have to let them rummage thru your personal belongs while they are partying hardy at 2 am yelling obscenities towards your children.
Disengaging means that you do not parent them nor are you responsible for them. It does not mean they get to bitch slap you while you stand there and take it.
he's a moron. that's just how
he's a moron. that's just how they are because that's how they are allowed to be! you are not asking for anything unreasonable. in fact, the things you are asking for should not have to be asked for at all, they should be a given! love how some of these dh's like to blame this site instead of taking responsibility for their lack of parenting.
you can't just let this go. if he's going to allow them to do this crap, i think you should stay somewhere else for awhile and let him get a taste of life without you. and fdh used to say the same thing about sd being at our house. "this is her escape from her mom's. i want her to have fun when she's here. i want her to enjoy her time here. i don't want her to always be in trouble when she's here." my response was to tell him that my house is not a vacation destination, that i don't care how much she hates her mom, she does not get to come to MY house and act like a fucking animal, and that she would NOT be in trouble all the time if she would simply behave! not asking for a lot here, you know!
My husband is a moron, too.
My husband is a moron, too. We've had the simple rules talk - again today - very similar results. I'm so fed up with this shit. Poor tortured children. Be decent to me, him, and guests, keep the common areas of the house clean, RESPOND when talked to...too much to ask of them.
UGH! if I hear "thats just
UGH! if I hear "thats just how they are" one more time, Im gonna go Jack Nicolson on em all and chase them around the room with an ax saying "this is just how I am" over and over and over....
Our dumb ass therapist
Our dumb ass therapist "family therapist"---who I dropped this week, told us all teenagers are like this, that's how teenage boys are, that's how men are, that's how...." I should have known the first day I went to her house, with all her faux antique replicas all wrapped in thick plastic--even the lamps--that this was NOT the therapist I want rummaging through my already traumatized head.
Uh, yeah, I would drop that
Uh, yeah, I would drop that therapist quick. I hate when people say that's just how they are. I tell my own kid that She is in control of herself and there is no excuse for meanness , unkindness, hatefulness, laziness, etc. WE control our actions, not the cosmos.....
Since I dropped the
Since I dropped the therapist, a few days ago, I have stuck firmly to not giving in, no TV back in room, no mini fridge in room, no fixing meals to sit around the table as a "family" (as if), no worrying if he's wearing a jacket in storm the other day, no asking why he's had no homework for 3 weeks (basically everything she's told me to do to make him feel part of the family).
And in return these past few days I got no back talk, no name calling, no curse words, no chuckling in my face when I get agitated, no slamming doors, no meltdowns & no lies. Now if only I could figure out how not to pay these legal bills and somehow reverse the custody...
Youre so right about the cosmos not in control though a fortune cookie today told me to "cut bad toe off to save good leg" lol