DH tried standing up to his kids.
Just When I am proud of him he takes 2 steps back. Cheriwilson, Echo and BSgoingon I’m not sure if you’re psychologist but your advice really helped me. I actually took some notes and brought them up to DH last night. He explained his side and I explained mines. We talked to and not at one another. I reminded him of how we use to be a team and I told him I understand how he feels about steptalk because if I were him looking at this website from a glance I would probably react the same way. So we hashed everything out said our I’m sorries ordered a pizza and watched “ The Neighbors” on HULU with our 3 year old BD. I felt really really good
Afterwards I asked DH if he will reconsider setting in place my rules for the step kids come next week. He said he will think about it. I’m not going to lie my chest started burning. I reminded him that if he does not enforce the rules that when the step kids walk in I walk out. He then promised he would enforce my simple rules. He got on Skype with the step kids and everything went downhill. I will try to reenact the Skype call to my best recollection.
DH- Hey kiddos
Skids- Hi dad!
DH- look next week when you come here could you do me a big favor?
Skids- what?
DH- Well Stepmom asked me to tell you that there will be some new rules ok?
Skids- Huff and puff what?
DH- Girls you are young ladies now so I urge you to watch your language especially in front of your younger brother(SS) and sister(BD). If it’s not too much to ask for you to keep your rooms clean and to clean up after yourselves, Try to keep the noise level down when people are trying to sleep, And please no more slamming doors it sets a bad example for the little ones and you could act with more respect towards your SM she would appreciate it.
Skids- So you called to yell at us? If she doesn’t want us there than she can speak up and say it instead of trying to make our lives hell while there.
DH- Now you know that’s not true, Also guys please stop just taking her phone you have your owns and leave her stuff alone is that too much to ask?
Skids- mom lets us wear her stuff and she don’t mind if we use her phone but if SM want’s be like that its whatever.
DH- I love you guys
Skids- Yep suuuure
DH- Now that’s enough I want you to come here be yourselves and relax and have fun
Skids- ok bye
DH- By I love
Skids- Hang up before he can finish
I am happy he actually said something. I just hate that he just lets them treat him that way.
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You're right Echo. He
You're right Echo. He probably did not realize what he was saying. I will make it a point to bring it up to him. It really hurt to get thrown under the bus like that but I didn't want to complain about it and dim the mood when we had already hashed things out. But i will talk to him Before Step kids get here and things are worse than they were before.
^^^^^^^^^yes^^^^^^^^^^ Your
^^^^^^^^^yes^^^^^^^^^^
Your DH threw you under the bus in grand fashion!
It's all your fault, YOU made new rules, YOU don't want them touching your things, YOU YOU YOU
He never said that HE wants them to treat you with respect, HE expects them to behave like normal humans.
Not going to be pretty.
Yup, what Kat says! Your DH
Yup, what Kat says!
Your DH is a Balless Wonder. He made you that bad guy.
You need to get to a good marriage counselor so he/she can teach you two how to approach things as a united front.
Also, tell your DH that his kids need a FATHER not a friend. They've got enough friends.
Wow, why on earth did he make
Wow, why on earth did he make YOU the fallguy? Oh because he's still the "cool dad" and doesn't want his precious babies hating him for the rules. He totally went about it the wrong way and now, expect them to hate you even more than they did before.
HE should've said HE was putting new rules in place and left you completely out of it. Wow, I'd have had a cow over that one. He tossed you right under the bus and watched it roll over you and then back up and hit ya again. Those kids are now going to blame you for everything. GRRRR I'm mad at him for you!
Oh my effing goodness.
Oh my effing goodness. Reading this makes my skin crawl--he should NOT have mentioned you in terms of who wanted what. It should have been "/I/ would like to set some new ground rules with how you guys are behaving in MY house."
I feel like if men could, they'd try to use us as the scapegoat every time. In the beginning, DH used to use me as an excuse as to why he didn't want to do something or go somewhere--I put a stop to that real quick. You need to too.
DH- Well Stepmom asked me to
DH- Well Stepmom asked me to tell you that there will be some new rules ok?
That is not standing up to his kids. That is him not wanting to take the responsibility for what he is asking of them.
When he says that, they hear, "If Stepmom was not in the picture, I would not be saying this to you and these rules would not apply. Please love me."
YESSSS!!!! SPOT ON!!!!
YESSSS!!!! SPOT ON!!!!
Yes, he blamed it all on you.
Yes, he blamed it all on you. They will not forget that, he cannot undo that now! And just my opinion, but he KNEW what he was doing when he didn't say WE. It was your rules, and he was just conveying your message, and now he figures YOU should be happy. He set you up!
He threw you under the bus.
He threw you under the bus. This is exactly why SK's hate us. We ask for basic courtesies and because we are vocal about it and DH's can't say that they are their rules as well, we look like the bad guys.
Exactly like my DH, whenever
Exactly like my DH, whenever he needs to tell his kids something it'll go like this "Clean your room so you don't have to hear UFRs bitching." Or "You better wash that cup because you know how UFR is."
Not once saying "We all wash our own dishes here so clean that."
It seems they are all cut with the same scissor.
He should NOT have said the
He should NOT have said the new rules are from you. :jawdrop: The two of you need to work as a parenting team when the SKs are with you. I would say that is very passive aggressive on your DH's part. Of course he knew the kids would roll their eyes at and disrespect stepmom's rules.
He has trained his kids to walk all over him. This needs to stop pronto - not just for his and your sake, but so that the kids don't grow up to be assholes. It may be too late unless he drastically changes how he parents, and NOW.
If they utter that "my mom
If they utter that "my mom lets me use her ....." crap. Calmly state that you (Thank God) are NOT their mother.
If you want to get real bitchy - and you may need to - you could always say:
"Do I look like your mother? " said in a tone that implies that BM is a cootie infested POS.
^^^That's right. I got so
^^^That's right. I got so sick of that shit from stepdevil too. My mom this and my mom that. I finally looked at her and said "Well, honey, as you clearly see, I'm NOT your mom, this is NOT your mom's house and if you want it done that way - have your MOM do it for you!"