So this weekend, we changed things up - tried a new tactic with regards to SS12's antics.

By antics, I mean his trying to draw us into conflict with his complaining or trying to manipulate/control the vibe of our home.

Friday night SS12 posted up in his usual spot in the living room.. he was there pretty much since school let out and had control of the TV.

After my daughter and I got our showers done we came downstairs to see what was going on and DH and SS12 were watching something about the Kennedy assassination, so her and I were just going to leave and let them watch TV. A little history here; this is ALWAYS the case with SS12. He will sit there and watch 10 episodes of things he DVR'd and when you come in and ask to watch the evening news, it's a debacle.. so her and I have just learned its not worth hearing his mouth..

DH, says "let's all watch a movie" and instantly SS12 begins his tirade. DH ignores his complaining and doesn't buy into it. Now, normally SS12 sucks us in to trying to reason with him and negotiate.. this time, nope.

DH goes to the list of pay per view movies and we begin to discuss options and ask SS12 his opinion.. once again, he tries to start drama, we ignore and keep to the topic of what movie to choose and ask him if he's seen a particular movie yet.. straight yes or no question. He tries again to start an argument. Shut it down with deciding on the movie.

Then, I go to make popcorn. SS12 wants microwave popcorn. Since I am making it the old fashioned way (on the stove), I tell him if he wants microwave popcorn, he is free to make it himself.. he then does so and goes and sits in the living room and begins to ask over and over if "we can start the movie now" while I'm in the kitchen with my daughter making popcorn (literally 3 minutes have gone by and he's acting like it's 3 months).. DH and I ignore him because it's only meant to make us get irritated with him, try to explain why we need to wait for others (which he knows) and suck us into an argument.

The next evening, we are having pizza for dinner and ss12 starts his complaining again.. we stick with the same tactic. Ignore it and keep answers calm and matter of fact. And when he tries to keep arguing, we simply ignore him and talk about something else.

He complained about the crust and DH asked the other kids "how's your pizza?" when they replied with something positive, he just kept the conversation going with them or I did. We simply would not engage in his negativity or acknowledge his complaints.. once ss12 stopped complaining we would talk to him again.

I won't go into every example of how we handled what, as I think you get the overall theme here.. if we just don't allow him to suck us in to his complaints/negativity and try to talk him through it/reason with him, we remove his power to amp us up when he acts rude or disrespectful.

In the past we would try to reason with him or explain - which he didn't want to hear, especially if he wasn't getting his way.. he would then yell and argue, leading to us trying to now put an end to his disrespect.. escalating the whole situation because he would just keep going and going until you were ready to blow!

I'm sure this isn't the end to things and he will switch tactics or raise his level on this one.. who knows. All I know is I like that this is working now and it's nice to have a more peaceful home.

aaahhh