SD - delayed reaction to OUR baby? Is this the beginning of.... ?
Yesterday, SD11 told DH that he's not the father she wants.
We're thinking it could be a delayed reaction to the baby. She was so accepting, excited and enthusiastic about little sister, we were not worried about her at all. We were more worried about SS10 who had been the baby of the family and who openly expressed his apprehension and worry about new baby. I was glad when we had a girl because I knew it would make the transition for SS easier, and even so, he was wary of baby in the beginning and is only now starting to really warm up.
DH has been working a LOT and hadn't been home much on the weekends when we have them. Yesterday though, he was home, and SD saw how he plays with baby and tries to get her to stop crying etc. Once when she was crying, she brought baby to DH and says, "Take her, she NEEDS her dad." DH was kinda taken aback, and said, "So, you're my daughter too, you don't need me?" and she replied, "Apparently not." He said he doesn't hug him goodbye like she used to anymore, and I know what he means because she doesn't hug me goodbye like she used to either. SS still does.
DH was pretty sad. To him, it's like his fears of losing his kids, of them hating him are coming through.
He's in such a difficult position, I just hope he has it in him to find that balance. I keep warning him that the teenage years are beginning. SIGH.
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aw. Im sorry yall are goin
aw. Im sorry yall are goin through that but thats pretty typical kid stuff i think, just from my own experience. you know, that doesnt mean that he is losing his kids, it means that they love him very very much and are afraid of losing him. thats just an 11 year olds way of saying "dont forget about me!! i still need you too!!" I said basically the same thing to my dad when my baby brother was born. I am the oldest of six. when my youngest brother was born, I was 11 just like your stepdaughter. When my mom was pregnant, i remember being so excited, I couldnt wait for the baby to come. then when my brother was born, I loathed him for about two weeks lol. I have no idea why.. i was just jealous I guess. my parents are still together after 30 years and I felt the same way your sd does about my full-bio brother - its a totally natural reaction to another kid in the family, and bonus is that that means that sd thinks of herself very much as part of the family. I had always been the oldest and never got to be treated like the baby or get as much attention as my younger sisters and when my brother was born it just made all that come up even though it never bothered me before. I would suggest having your dh look at baby pictures of sd11 with her, talk about her when she was a baby, stuff like that you know. What helped me was, since I was so much older than the baby, my mom gave me little responsibilities like helping her feed him or helping her paint a little ceramic piggy bank for him - doing things that make her realize / remember how much fun it is to be an older sister might help too. things my dad did that helped were taking justme and the baby out to do fun stuff together - i got my dad to myself for awhile and i got to bond with the new baby, too. you could both talk about how cute she was as a baby and what a beautiful young lady she has become. its ok for her to feel that way, shes just not expressing her feelings very well yet - shes still young. And just from my own experience again, I am closer to my little brother (who I absolutely hated for two weeks) than to any of my sisters : ) . Good luck and congrats!!
"if you don't have anything nice to say, then shut the fuck up."