I guess there are some families out there who try and maybe even succeed at the joint birthday/joint holiday crap, but not me. Frankly, I don't think there's any reason for me to be anywhere my husband's ex-wife happens to be, unless it's a graduation, wedding or funeral. Otherwise, the event can be celebrated separately.

I don't do drop offs or pick ups, either. I avoid any and all contact with the ex. I don't take the kids when my husband is not around. It's not that I don't want to, because I would welcome the opportunity to spend more time with them and especially for my children to get to spend more time with their siblings. I just am not blessed with a cooperative BM. I got stuck with a jealous, hostile, manipulative, control freak of a BM. That being my reality, I avoid her at all costs. Hey, I didn't knock her up. Why should I have to deal with her?

" Only by death or marrage", should you have to be in the same place as ex. Like Georgia states above. I know the way I put it sounds harsh,but I have went through ALOT of bad situations like this w/ my DH's ex. Avoid her at all costs...it will save your sanity. ~"Resist all the urges.... that make you want to go out and kill." ~ Chel.

all of the above. Too bad if DH doesn't like it. His ex, his problem. Even if you can't get out of this thing, it doesn't mean you have to look at her, nevermind speak to her. She's not the boss of you! Neener, neener, neener! (Sorry, I know it sounds childish but it's what it seems like when the BM's are around; their behavior affects us in such a way that we start to act as stupid as they are).

Anyway, you do not have to acknowledge her and I would definitely tell DH what the real deal is and there is no room for argument; you didn't lose a bet with God, your DH did! Not your problem. If he doesn't like it, tell him MamaJenn24 said he can kiss my Betty Big Butt white ass if he doesn't like it!

MamaJenn24

In my case, my two children go to the same school as my skids. In fact my oldest bio son and youngest SS are in the same grade. I have to see BM at all school events, music progams, etc. Not to mention, Little League and football games - since they are all three the same age (9,9, and 10) they are on the same leagues teams etc. I hate seeing her every weekend in the summer but I am not willing to miss these special events in my bio kids life, so I have to deal with it. As far as drop offs/pick ups - your damn right, I stay out of it. In fact, unless it directly affects me or my children, I try my VERY hardest to stay out it. Even as I watch my DH act like a scared puppy dog and jump when BM says. LOL!
My point is sometimes, it is unavoidalbe but you just have to remember that you have as much right to be there as anyone else.

agree with those that say to completely AVOID if possible. I row my own canoe so I select who I have to be around. At work I do what my boss tells me because I am being paid. My time off work I DO AS I PLEASE.
I have NEVER met the woman and don't plan on it. I don't do drop offs or pick ups. I greet my husband with a warm hug and kiss & ask him about the drive. PERIOD
Maybe at a future wedding or funeral it will happen, but maybe not even then.

I do not think the kids should pay the price of not having all their parents there. I would definenlty go in spite of ex. Doesnt mean that you have to talk to her. Doesnt mean that you have to show her any kind of attention. You are suppose to be there for one reason and one reason only. She shouldnt control your whereabouts. Then she will know all she has to do is complain about you to her ex and then you wont show up to an event. That is giving her complete control. I would show her that no matter how many times she "tattles" on you, it wont change the fact that you will attend something for your kids. I just see differently than everyone else. I would be damned if my fiance ex keep me from an event just because she feels the need to complain about me. I am no peacemaker i guess. But if you feel comfortable about not going then that is up to you. I personally wouldnt.

"Still waiting to get my life back"

I too avoid the pick ups and drop offs. Before I got married, I used to pick up my skids when their dad was out to sea.. I would take them to the park, to the pond and even to the movies... Their mom doesnt go out much, and doesnt take her children to the park or swimming even.. That all changed once we got married. I then somehow was "transformed" into a villan by the BM that let me take them.

We went to 1 joint bday party.. AFTER we had already thrown them a party of our own (so this was really the party the bm put on.. the one and only).. and after that I told dh, NEVER AGAIN!!! she just isnt civil.. She was ordering me around like I was hired help.. and then no one in her family wanted to talk to us.. so it was like we were lepers. DH, of course, saw NONE OF THIS!!! yep.. he claims he had a fun time.

No more bday parties, drop offs and pick ups.

The kids will not suffer by not having the steps present! Sometimes the kids just want their "parents" there. I step aside---that is in their best interest!

Angel, I think i would be upset if my step child didnt want me present at there party. I take care of them just as much as there mother does. Not to include me in on something like that basically says i dont matter. I understand that i wont take the place of the BM but i think i have a right to be there just as much as there "real" parents do. I am part of the extended family. I think if I separate myself from there "inner circle" then we didn't become a whole family. Instead we would be 2 families dealing with each other. Instead of sharing all the joys of having the children in our life.

"Still waiting to get my life back"

It's a fact of life that in divorced families, Mommy and Daddy are no longer required to do the joint holidays, the joint birthday parties, the joint everything. Yes, both parents should be a constant and positive presence in their children's lives. Yes, stepparents should be included. But no, no, no... it is NEVER in the best interest of the children to endure any event under a cloud of hostility. They aren't stupid. They can sense it. Why put them through that? If you can attend without interacting, then go for it. That's what I do. If interation will be reqired, then I stay away. I remain as unobtrusive into my skids' mother's life as I can be. She doesn't want me around any more than I want her around and the kids do pick up on this. If we could all get along, then that would be one thing, but most often, it doesn't work out that way.

I agree with angle. sometimes i don't think my step son cares if i'm with or not. in fact my SS lives in a diff. state, they usually meet half way. I went with once and it was VERY uncompfortable. I told my husband being there visits are so short that its a great time for them to re-connect on the trip or spend some personal quality time together before they say good buy for a few months. His Ex was absolutly pissed that i didn't go with, and what kind of woman would let her husband drive for hours by him self. she didn't get my thinking of giving them time alone. but hey hes a big boy. if your tired, load up on caffine or find a hotel and spend the night. it's just a bad situation for everyone and i do think even the kids feel the tention?

I feel like I have the upper hand when I don't get involved! I want zero stress in my personal life-----& that is my goal. ANYTHING, ANYBODY that gives me stress I try to eliminate from my life (as much as possible anyway). Just ask my X husband.