Tell him goodbye that you are ready to find someone new.

Oh my goodness! I was in nearly the same position as you when I was newly with my DH. I told him I already had to be a mother, why not have our own? He said we had to wait a year. I guess the difference for me is that I knew there was a set time when we could start trying.

Don't give him an ultimatum, or else you WILL end up in the same situation he is in now. However, be quite frank with him about the fact that you are NOT his ex, and this won't be the same.

Hope that helps!

Agreed. Him saying he's not really is really him saying he doesn't want another kid, period - but he knows that if he's honest about it, you will probably leave.

Sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the one you love. If he implied that he wanted to have children with you, and is turning his back on that, I would be PISSED. If you are going to be doing the bulk of the parenting (along with ss) what the hell does he need to be ready for??

When I told dh I was ready for a baby, he was not exactly over the moon about it. BUT...what he said was this. I have been through all that, and now that ss is 6 (at the time, he is 15 now) I don't really want to go through it again. It is hard when they are babies. It can be rough on a relationship. However, I would NEVER deprive you of having that experience, and if you are ready then we will try. It took over a year for me to get pregnant (I was older) and by the time it finally happened, no one was more thrilled than dh. I don't think I was able to change a diaper or feed my own dd for 3 days, he was so in love with her.

When he says he's not ready, he is saying he doesn't want anymore kids. Period. My SO was about to get the snip when we first met but didn't because we were getting serious. But when discussions of children came up, two years later, he said he didn't want any more kids. I did end up pregnant a year later (I really didn't try to get pregnant) and he was okay with it because my child provided a sibling for his daughter. Nothing about the situation has been easy. But really, if you want children and he doesn't, there is nothing you can do. Don't sacrafice what you want out of your life for him. There are a million men out there who would love to have a child with you. I understand you love him and want a child with him but it probably won't happen.

I am in a similar boat however it is 4 kids, non existent BM and long hours for fdh. I didn't get a I'm not ready when we had the talk though. I got: I don't think financially we are in a position for it (he was right) and who knows what the future will hold. I'm not opposed to the idea of having a child but now isn't the time for it. The difference was we were having a hypothetical conversation LONG before it has become a real plan. He also was clear he would never deprive me of the opportunity due to his age (he is 11 years older than I) or number of kids. I had a magic number as well, he knows it and he is getting to the point where being older than, I sort of think he wants to get it out of the way lol. I will be reaching my number next month and I am not ready! We had a little scare 2 months ago and he took it better than I did. I panicked. He had this "Well we already have damn near a brady bunch why not one more?" attitude to him which was different from his Now is not the time speech. It was then that I realized his feelings on it had changed without my pushing. I also realized that I needed to push my number back. I want to be married first and he knows that is SUPER important to me, and I also only want one child. Always have. We agreed afterwards for him to get the snip. He was done having kids at #2 with the ex but she had a few oops I'm 3 months pregnant incidents so he ended up with 4. We have both sort of agreed to a when the youngest (ss3 soon to be 4) is in kindergarten we can revisit this. I have so much on my plate with a 3 and 5 year old and I can't imagine having to deal with a newborn. My skids are super self sufficient but being young still need care and I don't feel like it would be fair to them, myself or the baby because I would be spreading myself too thin. I let fdh know early on that I was in no big hurry to have kids but that it was in the cards for me some day. That I really only wanted one and that I would never trick or force him to have a child but that if the time came and he had made up his mind that he didn't want to then we would just part ways amicably and that would be that. That i wouldn't be angry or bitter or hold it against him because honestly why would I want to bring a child into this world that wasn't really desired by both parents or was a peace offering. That sounds like grounds for divorce or super unhappy child. However I know fdh and I know he would adore and fall in love with whatever child I gave him. He loves his own child who is 98.9% likely not his just the same as all the others why not one he would never have to wonder about? He also mentioned to me that he felt like an actor in his past marriage because he was just supposed to father these children then do whatever he was told and not go near them. She stayed locked up in her bedroom with them as infants and he was supposed to just show up and care for everyone else. Then they would hit 2 years old and she would be bored with them. He felt like he was just a moving part in a greater machine that he had no say in. He was supposed to show up, deposit sperm, and finance the party. I told him I have no interest in him not being a part of every second of his child's life and that I have high expectations for the father of my child. He seemed to like that.

My advice to you would be come at him logically and rationally and calm. He won't hear you when you are emotional, and (sadly) won't understand or care about your sacrifices or reasoning about his son or your need for sympathy. Men aren't programmed like that and for him the status quo seems to be working. Why mess it up? Men seem to think all women are supposed to be hardwired to be super maternal and love children like mary-fricken-poppens.

Make your argument as to why you'd like one and when you are ready, and that he need not be a willing participant.
No ultimatums, No freak outs or he will feel cornered and feel like the child was forced on him. I told my fdh if the time came, I didn't really care if I had a man or not that I felt confident and could support myself well enough that I could have a child or foster one without someone else. Though it was not preferred

Then make yourself unavailable. He'll know why. You can subtly hint at the removal of yourself from the relationship and then he will realize what it is he is missing and understand the implications of being unfair.

Good luck!