I may have forgiven BM ... for now.
BM calls me, occasionally. It's always about skid business. I can't help but think about just how stupid she can be everytime I hear her voice.
I knows she's phony. She calls me and she has this sing-songy, cheerful voice and I know it's all an act. I can't act like that. I'm just not made that way. I'm not rude to her, but I can't pretend I'm talking to her with a smile on my face. When people ask me to smile and I'm not in a good mood, I'm told it's really quite scary looking. That's just me, no poker face whatsoever.
Now that baseball has started, I get to see her at all the games. joy. I can say "hi" and make small talk. She's actually the one that makes the effort at starting a conversation with me. Which is something, right?
But I think I have forgiven her for everything up 'til now. I'm not angry anymore. I don't think she has any idea that she can be so delusional. DH's nickname for her is dingbat, if that tells you anything. But I can't help but feeling like I have to keep my guard up. I know it's not possible for me to like her too much, but why isn't possible for me to like her at all. She's really stepped up her mothering game. There's never been a doubt that she loved and cared for her children, she just has spells where she doesn't do much love and caring for herself. But now, she's taking care of herself enough to be able to care for her children better. The kids have always been very sweet, good-natured, (mostly) well-behaved kids. I can appreciate her for that, but I really can't even muster any sympathy for her. I would like to find some way to change my perspective.
Instead, I just wait for the other shoe to drop. I just feel dread when I have to talk to her.
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My SO told me today that SD
My SO told me today that SD needs a real mother.
HL: "She has a real mother, just because she doesn't act like it at time's doesn't mean she's not her real mother"
SO: "Well she only act's like a mother part of the time"
HL: "So what your saying is that SD needs a full time mother instead of a part time one?"
SO: " Yea I guess that's what I'm saying. Atleast she is working days now"
My BM is a stripper. Now she's a day stripper instead of a night stripper. Isn't that just a step in the right direction? *GAG*
****There are 3 sides to every story. Yours, mine, and the truth.**** -THE WIFE
Oh, see I'm bad, because if
Oh, see I'm bad, because if anything like came out my DH's mouth he'd get a response like: "Then maybe you should have impregnated a real woman."
Now why didn't I think of
Now why didn't I think of that?! Damn damn damn... Now I feel like a dummy! LOL
****"She had his past. I have his future." The Lovely Belleboudeuse****
Maybe you can just accept
Maybe you can just accept her for who she is. If you let go of the anger, forgive and just accept what kind of person she is, it will make you feel better.
Whats important is that she is good to her kids. You dont have to be friends with her, just be respectful and cordial when you see her, like you would want to be treated.
Ive had such a rocky relationship with our BM, I use to think we could be friends, but their is to much bad history. I accept her and it's made my life easier, I cant make her the person I want her to be. Their will always be a guard up, but letting go of anger really helps.
You know, I was just
You know, I was just thinking that. How we are isn't so bad. I don't think I could take it if it developed into anything more friendly to the point I was stuck like DISbelief and trying to fix her for her kids' sake.
That is one project I do not want to take on and recognize it's futility from miles away.