new and in need of advice
Hi I am new to this site and really found it at the time when I need help the most.....I guess I have so many questions and I am kind of all over the place with them so I will just dive right in! Thanks! I am the bio mom of a very sweet and loving little girl, her dad and I are divorced, he lives very far away and pays his support we skype and email and we do visit sometimes, we are decent friends. My husband was divorced twice before we married he has two sons with Wife1 and then has a boy and girl with Wife2. Wife1 used to be a basketcase she was still in love with my husband up until recently but she is softening up and being kinder to us all. Her kids are a joy, although it was bumpy ride with her and her rules for kids (No tv, no internet except for school purposes, vegan diet etc) she has accepted her rules are for her home and ours work well for us all when they are here. We have 50/50 with her and we liven in same gated community right around the corner from eachother and do have mutual friends. Then there is Wife2, she is a dirty, overweight, jelaous slob, her husband is pretty much the same as she is. He does not work she has a low paying job, we pay a lot of support to her and she seems to waste it and always asking for extra, we buy the extras but will not give her cash or extra money ever. She with holds kids constantly, feeds kids junk, keeps them home from school often, threatens us with not seeing kids, texts us constantly, lies to us and is a thorn in our side. The kids are always dirty, bad behaved, they are both overweight but my sd is really big and mom does not seem to notice or care. We want full custody we want the here with us all the time she is crazy! We have a pretrial coming up, what will it be like what is it for? What will happen? I will have more specific questions later I am sure but wanted to introduce myself and get started. Thanks!
- StepLady's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Extreme opposites in BM1 and
Extreme opposites in BM1 and BM2. Curious as to how BM1 dealt with BM2 while BM1's two boys had visitations at BM2"s home. A veggie vs a junk food mama. It would have been uh, at the least, interesting and surely something DH has had to experience before...so why is he so 'clueless' as to what to do now?
Anyway, the CO can be modified as to how and how often communication with BM2 will take place. No reason to respond to twentysome texts a day from hr. In fact no reason to text back and forth at all. Look up Our Family Wizard, there are ladies here who families use this system. If peace and quiet from over communication is a goal, your DH can offer to be the one who pays the yearly fee for the program.
You're going to have to show documented proof of neglect/abuse other than 'kids are dirty' to claim BM2 is unfit to have be the PCP. Yeah, being dirty is awful, but the something like CPS is going to start with going into the home and teaching parenting basic skills to BM2. If they go in and find the home an endangerment in environment and/or true abuse and neglect CPS can intervene and remove the children.
You do need to realize that just as you told BM1 'these are the way things are at your house and this is the way we do things at our house', that BM2 feeding the children junk food is not much different. You can't control what a opposite parent feeds the kids in their home, anymore than BM1 could control what you fed the skids when she insisted they should be veggies. Sure junk food is a whole lot worse than going meatless, but the principal is the same. Unless these kids are totally obese and have health issues because of it, you'll likely find DH can't get an order as to what/how BM2 can feed her children. It would also take a lot more than DH/your personal opinion of the kids being too heavy and not eating right such as dr testimony and documentation .
Ok I should have been more
Ok I should have been more spefic but this is my first time here so sorry if I messed up what I wanted to say! Ok, Wife1 was not so quirky when they met, she was a single mom of one little boy that my husband adopted when they married, so he is the dad. I think it is great that at that time they had a wonderful relationship. She does have some good qualities, she cares about her kids and her health and theirs, she is not a bragger or combative anymore. She is getting much more open and likeable in my eyes. I know my place with her boys, even though they spend half their time here, I know I do NOT know best for them! As far as Wife2 they met and married really fast, one thing my husband liked about her early on was she was so independent she did not mind all the traveling he does for his work. She was cool with staying home. Well, it turned out she was keeping A LOT of secrets from him about what she did when he was gone, everything to taking money and blowing it on stupid things behind his back to loaning it to her friends and family and never getting it back, to partying wildly and leaving kids with babysitters that cost a lot. She was stay at home mom that wanted kids in day care full time etc. They divorced after several years and two kids together. They used a mediator to create their custody before I came into the picture. Since then it seems her life has went really far down hill! She left a condo in a decent area to move into a really crappy neighborhood and live with her now husband who has erratic and strange behavior. They fight constantly and call each other names he has kids that he does not see at all and if he is not working I doubt he pays support to. Since we have initiated the Custody Change our attorney was contacted by his ex who said he is crazy and used to have a pill problem. She is totally dysfunctional and combative to everyone, lost I don't know how many pairs of SD's glasses! Yes the kids were not obese overnight, but they do healthy here because it is not choice! I do not serve cakes and cookies and cheeseburgers for each meal! My husband is not really clueless as how to deal with her, but since the custody change was initiated she has gotten much much worse! Bad mouths us to kids, and has them do strange things (had ss attempt to steal our mail from box for her! he cried and said he didnt want to do it! I gave him our junk mail and ads and said here your mom probably just wanted to use our coupons I dont need them she is welcome to have them). Things are a mess with her! I don't pretend to be their mother but I have common sense and I do love the kids and do not want to see them constantly berated by her and failing grades due to missing school all the time. Social Services were called on her by the school for the number of days missed. So there is a little bit of the background story. My question are still what is the purpose fo a pretrial and what will happen there? Thank you have a nice day!
Basically a status conference
Basically a status conference prior to actually going to trial. The judge may set a trial date at this point or not. Judge may order the two sides to mediation with a neutral party to try and work through the differences and come to agreeable compromises between the parties.
Should I go? My husbands
Should I go? My husbands attorney said its up to me, we probably will not go in front of judge just the lawyers. My thing is yes I love the kids, and my husband, but my instinct says, "I AM NOT THE PARENT THIS IS NOT FOR ME!" What are your thoughts? I do not enjoy being around wife2 and she does not enjoy my presence either, I also know for a fact she will be better behaved with out me there.....however my husband says whatever I want to do I should do it. My sister tells me I should def go and ask any questions that my husband may not think of etc, and that outcomes will effect my daughter and I. Any suggestions? Thank you and good day.
I don't know you and I
I don't know you and I already don't like you. Overweight=dirty/nasty? So you are the greatest mother? And let me guess you have never had a weight issue? :? :?
Never said overweight is
Never said overweight is dirty and nasty! I described the person that I know of as overweight which is not a crime! I meant it as she does not take care of herself, and is also dirty and nasty further evidence that she does not take care of herself. I could not care less what any adult does or looks like but her habits pertain to the kids, she has no care about their weights even though one now relies on inhaler frequently when running around and nothing tastes good to them anymore but soda and junk, they also both love salt, in huge amounts on their food. I dont put out a salt shaker for them to use, I just tell them there is enough in the food. My husband has had a heart attack it runs on his side of the family his father and brother both died young, he takes tremendous care of himself but genetics are what they are! His kids have half of his genetic make up it is unfair for her to not have a care about the kids health! Her home is very dirty according to kids, we do not grill them! Our time with them is for family and nurturing not judging her, but they tell us all the time that she does not clean up and will not let them have friends over due to the mess. To me that is being dirty and nasty! When a grown woman walks around pouring sweat and smelling like body odor for no reason that is nasty to me.