To this day still bothers me, but not to the point of leaving SO
This is totally random, but it is sparked from BM's ridiculous text messages brought this back up in my mind today. SO found out that BM had lied about taking child to doctor than it got into this whole thing with BM saying it's time for them to move on and forward and she wants to be left alone... Bf has been with me for 1.5 years, was separated for a year, but is now divorced from her. When we met he had been separated 6 months, living on his own, etc.
On to the point of my post, it brought up this memory of back in October 2018, after a few months of us being together, my bf called me "Beth" one day in the car and I was like why did you call me Beth? And bf said I don't know I was just calling you a bunch of names (not negative names, but like random names of other people/things, we were joking around). Then about two days later, we were joking around and he said "Beth" again and so I was like is that your ex's (BM)'s middle name or something? And he was like no, I don't even remember what her middle name is. So then I was wondering if it was her middle name. Found out through googling, her middle name is indeed Beth. I got really upset and wanted to know how or why he called me that. He felt really bad because he didn't mean to and didn't consciously do it or even realize it was her middle name. Anyway, fast forward over a year to now, I don't usually think of that memory, but it still bugs me a little because I have never done anything like that to him. Then at the same time that is the only thing in our whole time of being together that has ever put any doubt in my mind. They were married 4 years, BM cheated, among other things, and my bf filed for the divorce. During our whole relationship that is the only thing that has made me have any doubts. I've seen every message, etc. from her since about 6 months into our relationship, we are together 6 nights a week, etc. and never any red flags, unless you count that as a red flag.
What are people's thoughts about this? Is there anything to it or was it an honest mistake? To me it is kind of hard to 100% accept it was a slip of the tongue and nothing more, but looking for other people's feedback.
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It sounds like in the first
It sounds like in the first instance you say he was calling you a bunch of names.. were you fighting? I think my DH has called me by his Ex's name a couple of times.. and once I clearly remember was when he was mad at me for something.. so her name equalled a negative situation for him.
I am also with Petronella that him lying wasn't really that great of a move on his part. I mean.. doesn't he realize this is something you would be able to check? And why lie anyway.. it was a slip of the tongue and everyone makes these kinds of mistakes. What was the context.. did you really jump his "sht" over calling you another name.. to the point he was afraid to be truthful? I'm not saying that was right.. but if the way you both communicate isn't more civil.. I can see other problems arising.
But.. No.. bottom line is I seriously doubt he is seeing his ex.
Boy if all it took was a middle name, I'd be in trouble
My son reminds me of my brother, and my son looks a lot like my XH. When I'm thinking fast I regularly swap around all three of their names. And this is a family trait. Most people on my mother's side of the family swap out names (usually only two or three people, too, not everyone).
My family is the same
And my first name and DH's Ex IS the same, but thankfully different spellings. IMO if u are focusing on things like this u are looking for. Reasons to be mad.
My DH introduced me by his ex's name
My DH introduced me by his ex's name once. It was a huge family reunion and he was introducing me to elderly relatives who may not have even known he was divorced. He said her name instead of mine, then paused as he realized what he had done. He corrected himself and I then re-introduced myself with my name. His mother was standing there and gave him "the look." She was more upset than I was, and he was mortified. He apologized profusely.
He told me later that he was thinking of his ex in the context that she would rarely do family things with him and he was so glad I was with him and willing to be with his family - and her name just came out. I was a little upset, but understood.
I also come from a family of "name swappers." My Grandmother used to often go through my mother's name and both hers sisters and my sister's name before getting to mine. It happens.
If this is the only thing like this that has ever happened, you need to let it go.
Oh man
I will not lie, I would lose my shit. I won't even try and sugar coat it to make me sound more understanding because I would literally be furious. I wouldn't say anything in front of anyone, but we would have a loooong talk after the fact alone, lol.
My dad is what you call a name swapper, but he swaps his sister's name, my name, and my sister's name. I get your point of it happens, but confusing ex wife's name with current SO's name, whole different ball game.
It is and I have realized it, but I think I just needed to hear that it really is not as big of a deal as my head made it. I haven't told anyone else except the people here now, so good to hear that it is not a major red flag.