As soon as I saw the "Adult Stepkid" part of this forum.... I knew what time it was. 
 

I hope women reading this forum never get involved with Disneyland dads and if they get roped in unsuspecting then they should move accordingly. 
 

Put your mental peace as a priority (whether that means disengage, etx) because best believe these Disney parents will show you where their priorities lie. 

As a SM of 3 who are in their 50s and 60s, I'm always concerned when I read a SP post about being so happy a SK reached 18 with the implication "its over!"

My experience is it's not over yet, depending on the kid and circumstances.  All of our 5, except YSS, have moved back at one time or another, sometimes with spouse, kids, pets.  Reasons varied from shelter after a hurricane, to staying here during a move from outstate, to alcoholism, to homelessness. Duration varied from weeks to several years.

I'm not even counting weddings, grandkids, showers, birthdays, or the rest of it.

Four of our five are living self-supporting adults but we still subsidize SD62's shelter.  She's on disability and her situation isn't improving.

I guess we will be done when we are dead.

Eighteen is not a magic number. And my heart hurts for the younger SMs who fall to this thinking.

My hope is the newer SMs learn from us seasoned SMs through our own stories and self protect. The sooner one can find your "spot" in StepHell and set appropriate boundaries, the less pain will hit your heart. Be wise and aware....put the emotions secondary. Facts speak truth. Don't ignore.

18 is only magic when the breeder partner who brought that kid is an assertive parent.  Some kids are a pleasure up to and beyond 18. Others... are never a pleasure.

The main variable is the parent that the SParents is partnered with.

Boundaries in the form of clear standards of behavior and standards of performance are the critical success factor regardless of the quality of the Skid or the parent we make our life partner.

IMHO of course.

I agree that your stepkids will always be your stepkids, but I will not be there to fix every problem for them or have them live with me anytime they need or want. I, as an adult paying my bills, have a right to my own sanctuary and safe place away from other people's bad choices. And, I only help those that are willing to help themselves. If my stepsons choose to grow and be like their loser, won't work, biodad, they will end up living with him or on the streets. I will never take care of a bum or a loser, not even if they are my own children.  

Because your parenting was bad. You didn't teach the kids to think independently.  Or to make choices by themselves..This is what you get. DH is happy that his DD is still makeing him relevant in her life .  That he's still needed, he still can control her.  You trying to stop something , that DH likes outs ,,  your now on the other side .?   That's why you get squashed in 5 minutes. I 

The nightmare never ends in StepHell as long as you continue to stay. There is no winning here, only different degrees of losing.

Maybe I'll make that its own blog.

So far, DH has been adamant all along: SS13 will not live with us after college (or after high school if he doesn't go). If he needs to move back in with us because life happens, it would be short-term with written rules and restrictions that must be followed.

If it came to that, though, I doubt SS would want to move in here. He prefers BM and her family. Regardless, I've been clear with DH: I can be reasonable and compassionate. I don't want anyone to be homeless. But if SS moves in and there aren't sufficient ground rules (or they are not followed and enforced), I will be gone.

SS-31 launched at 18 mainly because he got tired of being our live in beck and call  house/chore boy.  He graduated HS at 17 and turned 18 at the end of that summer.  He was on our dime for the summer.  We gave him plenty of money to travel, etc... He went on his final SpermLand visitation after graduation.  He called while in SpermLand to ask if he could extend his visitation to include his 18th birthday since he had never had a birthday with the SpermClan.  Their choice.  They always took their visitation at a time that did not include his birthday.  So, he was always home by his birthday.

DW agreed that he could stay in SpermLand for his 18th birthday. To make sure he would have to tell her f2f if he chose to remain with the SpermClan after his 18th, DW and BIL2 road tripped from or home to SpermLand to be there on pickup day.  SS joined DW without drama.  I flew out a week or so later and the three of us road tripped back home hitting several Nat parks and visiting with friends along the way.

Once we arrived home his life of leasure was over. We worked that kid's ass off. Since he chose to delay college and did not want to get a job, his job was anything and everything we assigned him to do. Unpaid. He got room, board, clothes, etc...

He reported for USAF BMT 7mos later and has been in for over 13yrs.  Less than 7 years to full military retirement.

He is truly a wonderful person and his mom and I are very proud of  him.

Though he was nearing the end of his access horizon in our home when he joined the service.