SS13's Latest "request"...as if the shoes, ipad, ipod, cell phone, internet in his bedroom, etc wasn't enough
He wants to go to private high school next year - the most expensive one in the area - because "all" his friends are going there.
This is SS's 2nd year attending the private school that my kids have gone to since Pre-K. I pushed to enroll SS in the school last year as he really needed the extra attention and to improve his skills and get to grade level. Private high school was never part of the plan and he was told that from the beginning, as were my own children.
SS, however, continues to ask to go to this $1500+ per month school. It's not going to happen. We told him that (again), but he kept asking please. We asked him if he knew how much the school he wanted to attend cost and explained to him that that was about what DH made each month. SS was disappointed but still wasn't giving up, so DH said, "why don't you ask your mom if she'll pay half". (This is the BM that works 5 hours a week so that she won't have to pay any child support).
SS asks, "what if she pays $300 a month". We tell him no. But I clarify, "Why don't you ask your mom and see if she will pay half and then we can have a serious discussion about it. But as things stand today, it isn't possible."
When SS left, I was a little irked that DH even left the door open, but DH guarantees that 1) SS won't ask BM and 2)that BM will never cough up any money. So we won't have to worry about it.
But again, this kid! I don't even think that he will get into the school (even though he's improved quite a bit from last year).
To compare: my DD12 has gone to the school since Kindergarden and is a much better student. She asked once if she was going to go to this private high school and I simply told her that she would be going to public school for high school. That was the end of the story.
Wit SS, he just keeps asking and asking and asking.
Kind of like the internet in his room and the cell phone (both of which he was pestering DH for again last night).
There is such a difference between the way this kid behaves and my own kids. My kids ask and get an answer. Like it or not. End of story.
I have to remind DH all the time not to engage with SS. It's not up for debate. It is what it is. End of story.
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Comments
Your DH is to blame for
Your DH is to blame for allowing him to ask over and over again. It just needs to be shut down.
I agree with this
I agree with this completely.
I try to tell DH this. Sometimes he hears me and sometimes he's annoyed with me for telling him how to parent. But... he can't argue with the difference in results from my children and his own.
Last night he told SS he was a spoiled brat (after he threw a little fit about only wanting to put internet on his xbox if he could have it in his room and not wanting to have internet on in in the living room).
I try not to harp on DH. He feels bad enough for everything SS has gone through with his mom and thought he was being a good parent. So it's a little heart breaking for DH to see the errors of his ways.
But he's trying to correct it. Little. By. Little.
ah the relentless
ah the relentless pestering.
why is that normal with COD's nowadays? it was not even remotely an option for my bro and i growing up - no was no. you might push your luck and ask one or two more times if it was something really important to you, BUT once we got "i said No. and if you ask again, not only will you NOT get it, you will have to do x-unpleasant-task."
i've told DH before that HE has taught them that. he caves every single time. they just know they need to hold out longer than he does and he'll get tired of hearing about it and give up. UGH! at least they dont even bother using that tactic with me }:)
but at least they know that my yes is always yes, and my no is always no.
Yup! Yup! My own three
Yup! Yup!
My own three children are also children of divorce. But - and this is very odd, I know- their dad and I work very closely together to parent them. I ask his opinion when we are granting a new privelege and he does the same. We talk in advance about school clubs, missing homework, punishments, etc. We offer to extend punishments from one home to the other and the kids know that we parent them together.
My daughter actually tried to pull something this weekend. (She actually thinks it will be cool to "finally" attend public school and was trying to tell her friend that she was going to the public middle school next year). I told her that she was mistaken and she tried to use the "Dad said" and I was able to say, "No, you must be mistaken because your father told me about that discussion and that's not what was said." Even she was surprised that I knew about that discussion.
Tuff Noogies - this is my
Tuff Noogies - this is my house, down to the letter!
I agree with you Rising. I
I agree with you Rising.
I actually laid it all out for SS during the discussion,
"Let's see, this school costs $1500 each month. Plus there are uniform and books expenses along with some other additional fees. Let's just SAY it comes out to $1650 each month. Your dad only brings home $2000 each month. Your dad still has to pay for food, house, utilities, clothing - and then there's everyone else in the family. Your Mom doesn't provide any funds to help pay for these things. Yes, work and bring home money also, but even though exH spends lots of time with DD12, DS10 and DS9, he still pays half for all of their expenses and gives me money to help pay for their things here. We also have your baby sister to take care of too."
I like to lay it all out.
DH often takes the easy way out and puts it on BM since he knows she won't help. Dang, if BM could cough up $800 each month, it won't be going to his private school, that's for sure. It would actually help us to pay our bills on time - for once.