Stepmom of the Bride
So this just happened. My SD who is 50 years old is planning her 2nd wedding. We live in the midwest, she lives on the east coast. We were planning to attend. We have a 16 year old dog. He cannot be left alone due to incontinence (both #1&2);nor can he be boarded. So, we planned on driving there along with our dog. The wedding will be an outdoor event, and bringing our dog was not an issue, until it was. SD called this AM, to ask DH to be at a photo shoot. The photo shoot is supposed to be of SD's fiance's reaction of seeing her in her wedding dress. DH was to be part of this, and was asked that I not be there and also for our dog to not be there. I'm not sure where my dog and I were supposed to be. So, at this point, I said that it would be easier on eeryone if I just stayed home and cared for my dog. When DH told SD that I wouldn't attend, all hell broke loose. Hwe brother called and berated me. SS and I have had issues in the past, but not as bad as issues with SD. Both have left our home during visits due to percieved issues with me. In the past, SD had refused to answer phone calls from her dad for almost a year. He thought that she wasn't near her phone or something like that. The look on his face when he realized that she was attached to her phone at all times, and she simply refused to answer; was so sad. It turned out that she was just angry about me in some way. My DH's birthday and mine are a day apart. Both SS and SD had flown in to celebrate DH's last birthday over to lunch, and I was not included. I was upset, but told DH that he should go anyway. He did, and has said that he is angry with himself or having gone. DH is the kindest and most thoughtful person I have ever known. Now both SS and SD are angry with both him and me. I have a long list of the hurtful events with SD. I have sincerely tried to have a good relationship with SD. I'm at wits end now though.
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Comments
So she created a problem and
So she created a problem and then blamed you for it, nah you are not in the wrong here, stay home and enjoy the peace and quiet.
Agreed. And either block both
Agreed. And either block both SD and SS or respond only to respectful texts that have to do with their father.
StepMother of the Bride
StepMother of the Bride exclusion is common. I was asked not to go with DH when they took pictures (after the ceremony) because they only wanted members of the wedding party there (were others there? you bet). If you look at SD's wedding album of that day there is not one picture of me included. They even left out the one picture with her paternal grandmother in it because I was in it also.
But, putting aside stepmother issues, even though the wedding is an outdoor event, I can understand her reluctance to have an incontinent dog there.
"Stepmother of the Bride" -
"Stepmother of the Bride" - it's either the title of a horror movie or the worst role in the world. Or both!
While their reactions are way over the top - is bringing an
While their reactions are way over the top - is bringing an incontinent dog to an outdoor wedding really a good idea? I can see many ways that could go wrong. Have you considered a pet sitter? It might be a bit expensive, but you could probably find one. Honestly, if it doesn't matter to your DH, staying home might be best.
I just don’t see any of my skids being able to get away
With shouting, screaming and berating me because my husband has never done this to me before. He would rain hell on them for it.
my husband years ago knew how wrong it was to play into my sd's fantasy of 1 big happy family that involved them with dad and their brother and pretend me and our 2 toddlers together didn't exist.
When i called out hubby on it he played the victim and how upset he was at going but he still repeatedly went so wasn't a victim in the slightest because it took him another 1.5 yrs to basically tell off his kids he wasn't doing this 2 separate family bullshit. that since skids chose to be disrespectful, rude, not civil, that the limited time hubby had he wanted to spend with all of us and since skids refused to change their behaviour, he would not spend time with them alone away from us.
either they complied with him and were respectful and civil with us or they got no time with him. Its been 5.5 years since i had any contact with them
Yes, SM not invited, very common
I was asked to not attend as well. Third wedding, so I didn't care. My DH used me as an excuse not to go. Usually, I'm okay with this, but I wish he'd have manned up and said he was kinda sorta over it.
Given your dog's age and
Given your dog's age and health, I would say that a long drive like that really wasn't a good idea. I second the suggestion for a sitter. Anyone in your family? A friend?
Yes.. the logistics are not
Yes.. the logistics are not workable really for the pup. It's not reasonable or kind to put him in a car for that distance to take him to a place he is unfamiliar with.. where you may have issues finding places and space to keep him.
The options are either your DH decline on both your behalfs because it's too much to undertake to drive out as a family with the dog.
Tell her you will not be able to attend because "one of us" has to stay home and take care of our dog that is not able to travel (and cannot be boarded). and he can fly out.. which will be easier on him as well. .(I mean.. you all must not be super young given her age.. her dad is in his 70's.. isn't that a lot to expect him to travel like that?)
It's not personal.. it's logistics.
he can tell his son.. the reason is due to the dog. period. that you both were initially going to attempt to make it work... but getting further into planning you realized it's a bad idea.. so you are going with plan B.
I kind of agree with the
I kind of agree with the bride on this one... I wouldn't want an incontinent dog at my wedding either, no matter how much I love my dad.
However, the reaction was horrific and inexcusable. Stepping back and letting your DH have his relationship with his kids and supporting him is all you need to do. There is no way I would go to the wedding now.
I can fully grasp not wanted
I can fully grasp not wanted your dog there. It does make sense and really won't be good for the dog. Using the dog as an excuse to exclude you though, again because of dog and your need to have him w/ you, I can see it. If it were a no you even w.out the dog demand, then I'd have an issue but really the best interest of the dog is not to be there. Stay home with your dog, order in the foods you like and hubby doesn't, slap in your favorite movies and enjoy. Let hubby go alone. Do it because it's best for the dog.
Im so sorry you are going through this!
It truly sucks, but as others have noted, you have the perfect excuse to do your own thing and enjoy your remaining time with your poochie.
I would go and I would take the dog.
Bridezilla needs King Kong to kick the shit out them to get them back in line. It seems to work in the Monster Movie world.
Zillas
My definition of Bridezilla may be different from yours.
Exclude StepMother = Bridezilla
Exclude incontinent dog = reasonable.
Showing up with uninvited incontinent dog -- Guestzilla
Okay, maybe don't take the dog.
Aren't all dogs incontinent,
Aren't all dogs incontinent, though, in that they sh!t on the ground? Like, even if it were continent (for a dog), the dog has to use the bathroom somewhere, and a wedding venue, even outside, isn't the place. You can pick up the poo, but it still leaves residue and you can't pick up pee so someone would prob be stepping in dog pee when they walk. Even on grass, it's there.
Rather than SM of the bride....claim the power position of Wife
of the FOTB.
No need to claim a relationship with a toxic SKidult. Your relationship is with her father who is YOUR husband.
Plant your flag on that hill and defend it. The Skid really does not matter if the Skidult does not continually earn a relationship with you.