SS update
Reading through my posts I saw that someone was asking for an update on this situation. I have been very sick with the flu and then bronchitis, took 6 days off work and am now just getting to the point where I feel normal again. It really knocked me off my rocker for a while so I apoligize for not being around here for a while.
Anyway, SS has started a new job, his 4th, this is just to get him some money until he starts the tech school. He seems to be really excited about the school, the job that he started also performs random drug tests and he had to have one before starting, it came back clean. So I feel like my ultimatum had some kind of effect on him, he also knows that once he starts at the school, they also test randomly and if he tests positive he is kicked out, period.
I want to believe that he is trying to change, I hope that he is trying to change but I am still holding my breath, waiting for him to screw up. I don't want to think that way but past behavior usually predicts future behaviour. He doesn't really have time to do much right now to get himself into trouble, he works 8 hours, comes home, eats and goes straight to bed. Guess he is finding out how hard a 40 hour week is !
The current drama is SD and her "fiancee", she pleaded and begged her mother and I to let him move into our house so that they could see what it would be like to live together to decide if thats what they wanted to do. Against my better judgement I allowed it with the agreement that he pays rent. Well he has turned out to be a good for nothing sponge, she works to pay the rent to keep him here and he sleeps until 2 or 3 in the afternoon. Wife and I are both getting fed up with him and are trying to make her see that he is not good for her and that she needs to kick him to the curb. All the two of them do is fight and scream at each other.
Why do I do things that I know I shouldn't do? I knew this was a bad idea from the start but said yes anyway.
Wish I had some Calgon...lol
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Comments
Oh no....
Steamed...I won't get on you for letting the sponge move in with you, but I will tell you, sometimes people manipulate us more than we like to think. Forgive yourself, and give this kid the boot!
Remember the next time people are trying to talk you into a bad decision, you need to think of your sanity first. If what they are asking comprimises your sanity, then the answer is HELL NO!
I'm glad things are looking up for ss, and instead of waiting for him to fail, I would like to encourage you to acknowledge him for trying and any little accomplishment he does make. Maybe for passing a UA, after some time, you could buy him a movie ticket. Little things. I know you are trying to protect your feelings by not letting your hopes get too high, but you might be sending non-verbal statements to him that he is a failure. Easier said than done...but I just wanted to throw that idea out there.
You sound like your marriage is doing a lot better...and I'm very happy for you for that.
Bests,
Candice
Happy for you!
Well, you have every reason to be cautiously optimistic, but cautious optimism is better than no optimism, right? I'm glad to hear that things are going better for your SS and will be keeping my fingers crossed that he gets it right this time. Try to keep positive. Take a few deep breaths... and then let them out. The longer his successful streak goes, the less inclined he'll be to chuck it all for another screw-up.
But honest to God, what in the hell were you thinking letting this bum move into your house?! (You had to see the flak coming from that one!) You must've taken too much cold medicine.
I'd be giving him that boot you had reserved for SS.
~ Anne ~
I know, it was a bad
I know, it was a bad decision and at this point we are just waiting for the ca-ca to hit the fan and kick his butt back to his mom's house. He did finally get a job at McDonalds, great career opportunity, but at least he is doing something. The rent is a deal breaker and I made that clear from the start, if it isn't paid out he goes. I don't think SD will pay for him much longer.
Update on sponge
Well, he is gone, gone, gone !!. I had to take a trip to Memphis on business about two weeks ago and while I was gone, SD and her BF, (aka the SPONGE) got into one of their recurring arguments at 2:00 AM and my wife told him that he needed to get the hell out of her house, put his stuff on the front porch and locked the doors ! Amen and pass the potatoes !
Now SD says that it was a mistake for him to move in, that she still cares about him but that they aren't going to be living together.Thank God!!!!
SS is working and will be starting school in April, had to have a little talk with him about responsibility and how much he really wants this after he took his first paycheck from his new job and bought himself an Xbox 360. I think he understands now, I hope, if he doesn't start saving his money instead of blowing it on crap he doesn't need, I am NOT co-signing a student loan for him, and he needs that to get through school.
Stay tuned....
I'm glad to hear about SS...
sounds good so far. Give him a little inch for his efforts so that he continues on this path.
I like to equate my 'trust' in people like an hourglass... everyone starts with a full top of sand in an hourglass, the more you mess up, sand is spilling out to the bottom from the top...(sometimes you have to have the bottom pulled out from under you). Once there isn't any sand left on top and you keep walking on my toes, the hourglass sits there, you're empty. But if you keep spinning my hourglass, which is turning your life around, you'll never be empty.
I had a friend that needed my help once, but she really needed to prove to me that she was 'worthy' of my help since she really messed up with a lot of people. She had a drug problem, and I had pretty much wrote her off, didn't want anything to do with her but we had mutual friends and I was Godmother to her baby, so I always 'heard' the latest gossip through the grapevine, plus run ins with mutual friends. I wouldn't let her in my apartment until she agreed she stayed clean, went to rehab, got a job and went to school...just like you.
I actually went out and bought a really nice brass hourglass. I sat her down and had a very frank conversation with her- she knew it was now or never. I told her before she could move in with me, she had to agree to my conditions and even had her sign an agreement. (I really was only doing this because of my godson.) I then placed the hourglass on the table and explained to her my 'trust' factor and that she has a full canter on the top...making sure that the sand was flowing... it's up to her to keep it spinning. It was a visual aid for her. She held up her end, turned her life around full circle, and still has the hourglass on her mantle- and she won't let ANYONE else touch it. Whenever I saw her, she would turn the hourglass.
Today, she is completely a different person. She found a wonderful husband, and they have a beautiful family and home. Unfortunately, two years ago, they moved to be closer to his family in another state.
Perhaps maybe there is something that you can 'give' to your SS that will represent to him this period, this struggle, for encouragement. A pocket watch, for example, to represent that time is short, and we all run out of time eventually? A picture of you and him... that you're in this together? A graduation cap, so that he sees his future? This may help you, because then you are trying to offer some trust in him, and in the same time, will be visually/physically giving him the encouragement. Trust me, I didn't feel completely 100% sure that my friend was going to pull it off, but I gave her representation of it and that encouraged her. Then she made me believe in her.
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...