I feel like I've ruined my Dhs life...
I don't know if it's just hormones because I just had a baby 5 weeks ago but I found myself crying while doing a night feed at 5am last night because I feel like I could have potentially ruined my ohs life. My oh has a bit of a reckless history, had a son at the age of 19 which was the result of sleeping with bm1 the first night. Also has a daughter aged 6 from bm2 after 4 months of dating but has never been involved in her life as bm2 left the country and unmarried fathers essentially have no rights to their kids despite trying to take her to court when sd was born. I have been with oh for 5 years. I'm 30, oh is 31. We spoke about having kids of our own one day especially because we've been together so long. I am crazy in love with my oh especially since having my little baby and love my little baby so much. We also have ss every weekend and during the week and he is a brilliant father to him. He has not disappointed with my little one and is so involved and is a brilliant father and husband.
However I just got this awful feeling that if we ever broke up I would have ruined his life because he will have 3 bms and the amount of cs would just ruin him. I'm crying even typing this out. Now I have no plans to leave oh but just worried if something was to happen in the future and I would have ruined his life. Its an awful thought.
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HORMONES! Omg, I so know
HORMONES! Omg, I so know those crazy feelings that FEEL totally real. I had a similar experience recently (deleted the blog because I was a bit embarrassed about it all).
Let your DH reassure you. If it keeps going for more than a day or two, see your doc. Probably lack of sleep combined with that bizarre combination of terror and euphoria of having a newborn, plus hormones so far out of whack they may never find their way home... go easy on yourself!
Get some sleep and if these
Get some sleep and if these types of feelings persist call your doctor. Postpartum is real and something you can get help with. The thing you think is making you sad is way, way out in left field. Your dh loves you and he loves your baby. Nobody's life is ruined. He is happy to finally have a woman he wants to stay with and a baby who can be raised by someone he trusts: you.
Yeah it's the hormones. I
Yeah it's the hormones. I didn't stop having random irrational emotional breakdowns until about two months ago when I stopped breastfeeding and my hormones got back to normal. BioBaby is 5 months now and I feel great. I loved breastfeeding but I love being back to my normal self well at least for the most part. You will get there; it takes a lot of time. The best advice I can give you is what was given to me: have patience with yourself. I was hoping I was one of those women who would just rock being pregnant and then postpartum life but life always has different plans. Once you get to 5 months, you'll realize all these feelings come from a good place.
Please go see your doctor it
Please go see your doctor it sounds like you're having postpartum depression and you need to talk to someone and get some help managing it before it drags you down any more. You didn't ruin his life!