Ridiculous
BM had SD on her first day of school yesterday. She went into work at 6pm-11pm and left SD with her roommates HUSBAND for the evening. My husband was NOT happy with this. He was never under the assumption that this man would be caring for SD, let alone putting her to bed on school nights. BM sees no problem with this whatsoever. She had no job for over a year and it is almost worse now that she is working because she works mostly late nights when she has SD on school nights! I hope this is just another nail in her coffin and more ammo for my husband in court in the next few months.
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If there is no reason to
If there is no reason to worry about this guy with SD then it really isn't any of your DH's business who is caring for SD when in BMs custody. It would be like BM having a fit that you took care of SD when she was under your boyfriend's custody.
^^^^^THIS^^^^^ I would be
^^^^^THIS^^^^^
I would be pissed too if we were paying BM all this C/S and she wasn't even watching her own children that she fought so hard to get. All children deserve a home where they are loved and cared for. Clearly this child spends most of her time with some random and that is not fair to SD nor OP and her DH.
Run his name through a sex
Run his name through a sex offender registry, look up a criminal record, etc Yes, I would do that too. But the original poster didn't give any reason for being concerned; just that it seemed strange and annoying that the BM wasn't taking care of the kid when she had custody.
Is she not supposed to work?
Is she not supposed to work? You can't have it both ways - so many on here complain about BMs who don't work but then others (including my own XH and his STBW) turn around and claim BMs are unfit because they DO work and have to have daycare or babysitters.
Unless there is a reason to think this man is a danger to the child, this is irrational.
BM could turn around and do
BM could turn around and do the same. If anything happens to SD while she's at dad's, BM could blame SM.
BM working is a good thing. Why would anyone use that as a reason to get custody?
Does your DH have FROR?
Does your DH have FROR?
I can see the OP's
I can see the OP's frustration. The BM is not taking care of her own child and leaving her with a stranger rather than allowing the BD and SM to just take custody of her. It seems to me that the OP actually cares about her SD and if she and her DH are willing to take the child in and care for her and give her the attention she deserves than they should be given the option. If the OP home life is more stable than the BM living situation and they want the child that should be taken into consideration in a court hearing, but usually the court doesn't even bother and just gives custody to the BM and it is infuriating.
Also, leaving a child with a stranger vs leaving a child with a SM is completely different. Like it or not, when a BD remarries, the SM becomes FAMILY. Isn't that what we keep complaining about? That we are not treated like family? It's attitudes like "leaving the child with a stranger is that same as leaving the child with a SM" is what is holding us down from being the supportive partners we want to be deep down.
You hit it on the head. BM
You hit it on the head. BM does not take care of her own child, she puts it off on anyone that she can. She refused to get a job for over a year, and then a few weeks before SD starts school she starts a job in which she works nights on the days she has her daughter. This woman is a train wreck. She has moved 15 times in the last 5 years. My husband and I are definitely the more stable household. SD is pushed by the wayside when she is with her BM. BM puts herself first, SD is an afterthought. Poor SD was not with either one of her parents the night of her first day back to school. I can imagine how lonely she must have felt.
Perhaps if roommates hubby is
Perhaps if roommates hubby is going to be a sitter for the child - you and your husband should ask to meet him (and his wife).
Invite them to coffee or something (without BM and SD) just to get a 'feel' about them. And then of course, google and run thru sex-offender databases. But at least if you have met him then you'll know whether or not you can try to trust him.
I think it is safe to say that we've all had to 'hire' a babysitter at one point in our kids' lives. Think of it like you would a regular daycare - interview and trust your gut.
good luck!
Wait,why are you calling the
Wait,why are you calling the husband a stranger
Is BM's roomie a friend or someone she just met on say Craig's list?
If she's a friend, her husband is not a stranger.
If she's someone BM met on line, then I can see the OPs point.
I agree with Disney here...
I agree with Disney here... if this man is her roomate's husband I wouldn't call him a "stranger" he's not the roomates flavor of the month, or trick for the night, he's her husband who is also living with BM and SD. If it's not OK for this man to be with SD alone for a couple of hours before bed, then it's not ok for him to be around SD period. you can't have your cake and eat it too.
you won't normally ever hear this out of my mouth, but i honestly have to applaud BM for taking some responsibility and having a job. I'm sure she doesn't set her own hours, I'm sure if she could work during the day like normal people she would. this would be a non-issue for me.
My husband didn't even accept
My husband didn't even accept his position until he knew he had a clear cut schedule that would work out with his days with SD. BM was told by the judge she had to get a job, and that is the only reason she did. And instead of being smart and trying to find something decent, she jumped on the first piece of shit job she found and works night shifts on school nights. Therefore her roommate, or her roommates husband will be feeding SD dinner, be responsible for getting her homework done, and put her to bed. SD shares a bed with BM (INAPPROPRIATE), so I can just see SD laying there waiting for her Mom to come home every night. She has nightmares and gets scared easily and I can't see her running to the roommate when she wakes up in the night. BM is unstable. My DH wants her at LEAST during the weeknights if not all the time so that she has a routine on school nights. DH texted BM yesterday asking for her work schedule so they can better arrange drop off and pick ups to school and soccer, BM told him it was "none of his business" and that "the world doesn't revolve" around him. She is a pain in the ass and NEVER cooperates.