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songwriter's picture

Submitted by songwriter on Sun, 01/13/2013 - 10:44pm

Hi,

I am 43 years old. My wife is 45. I have been a stepdad for about three years. I was married previously for about 12 years but my ex-wife and I did not have any kids. So, I was never a step parent until my wife and I got married. I have three stepkids - a girl who is 14, a boy who is 16, and a girl who is almost 22 (she is already married and lives on her own). I think I have done some extraordinary things in my life. I do not back down from a challenge. I am persistent and do not give up. However, I really think that being a step parent is the most difficult thing I have ever done. I'm beginning to wonder if I am really cut out for it. It may be that I'm just not up to it. There are good days and not so good days. I will elaborate on my relationship with my wife in later posts. For now, I just wanted to say hi to others here.

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Over_that_tude's picture

Submitted by Over_that_tude on Sun, 01/13/2013 - 11:08pm

Hello songwriter...
As Manymoments said, there is alot of advice, information and opportunities to vent and get it all out.

I have found, after reading and sharing, that my situation while unique to me, is nothing others have not and are not dealing with.

I, too, feel some days like I am in over my head. The dynamics in my home have far surpassed anything I had ever imagined for myself. I am learning so much being here. I have found that these people are in ways like a happy yet dysfunctional (what is the norm anymore?) family...you've got your crazy cousins, your obnoxious aunts, your smart & witty favorite uncles, the wise and sometimes zany elders, your siblings you'd just as soon pretend you didn't know and then you've got the wonderful and not so wonderful moms, dads and step parents.

I do not know the backgrounds of any of these people other than what I have read here but I will say they are some of the realest (if they are who they say they are and their stories are real), passionate, sometimes hilariously funny people I have come across in a long time. I have laughed out loud, cringed, cried, been madder than a wet cat and also felt so much compassion coming from these people. They'll call you on your crap, encourage you, inspire you, motivate you, tear you down and also build you up.

I have not been on this site for very long but I have come to look forward to it, especially when dealing with some of the madness in my own situation. I can for the most part always find someone that has been there and done that and I read their posts and read all of the differences of opinions and experiences and come away each time having learned something.

So, to the other folks on ST...thank you! To you, songwriter, welcome and enjoy the ride!!!

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Mon, 01/14/2013 - 7:45am

What a beautiful way to put it- reading that warmed my heart...

welcome to ST, songwriter!

silentnites's picture

Submitted by silentnites on Mon, 01/14/2013 - 12:56am

Wow, I thought I would check to see if there is a blog for stepparents and found you fine folks. I really needed to vent tonight. I have been married for 28 years. I have three stepchildren from my husbands previous marriage, and we have two children together.

I worked really hard at being a stepparent, I am very proud of the work I have done and the job my husband and I did together. We even had a very working relationship with his ex wife. There were some issues, but that is in the past, the kids are grown now, and each of my three stepchildren are married and all have children, our own two are not yet married.

So, here is my vent...We all had a very close and rewarding family life together. Two of his children lived with their mother full time, and the oldest son with us. We had him full time from age ten, until he moved to TX from MI in 1995 at age 18. My other two stepchildren were in the custody of their mother, but we had them regularly, exceeding what the court allowed. We had them for entire summers as well. There were problems between my oldest stepson and his mother, and she did not see him regularly, it was her decision, not ours, and not the courts. That is the background. My stepchildren always had a very close relationship with their father, with me as well...Here's the thing... Since they have married, my husband and I rarely see them. There was no argument, no reason, just as the children were born we ended up in the background more and more.

My stepsons have a close relationship with their mother, her husband, and the in-laws of their perspective spouses. My stepdaughter has a close relationship with her mother as well, her stepfather, and her husbands parents. I have tried to tell myself that with the busyness of raising a family, work, and other commitments, perhaps having three sets of grandparents is too much? So we somehow ended up in the background? My husband who supported them has completely been taken out of the picture so to speak. He has been hurt, as am I, and we are so confused about it all. They go on trips with the other grandparents, events, activities, and yet sometimes we are not even invited. I am just hurting over all of this, and I am not sure how to handle it. When we are together things are just great. My one stepson has to pass our exit on the expressway to see his in-laws, and yet they never stop. We have asked them repeatedly to stop in for a few or a quick bite..Anyway,my husband and I make a point to go out and visit them every two months, but if it is not on our end it does not happen at all. My husband told me last night he no longer wants to bother, he feels excluded. He does not really mean it, but I am not sure how to handle this.